The Creeper Groper Plus Cute Kitten Video!

The Groper has been acting weird, even by Groper standards.

Lately, he's been found sitting at his desk, frantically texting for hours on end, which in itself isn't that weird I reckon, but it's a new behavior for him. Also, he moved his office to the one that became vacant when Sparkles took the sales manager position, placing him directly across the hall from Lulu, causing a big stinkin' butt load of tension.

Lulu despises The Groper, not for his groping, but because he's basically annoying and.. ya know.. weird. Plus, he knows everything, has an opinion on everything and is under the sad illusion that everyone else gives a big rat's ass what he thinks.

Now, me and Lulu have been working beside each other for a long ass time. Like, 17 years or so. We like to chit chat about things, family things, work things and often girly things. Stuff like, why would anyone ever get a Brazilian wax? Or as she pronounces it, "Brizilyern." Lulu is in an office. I am in the friggen hallway (still) on the outside of one of her walls that don't go quite to the ceiling. We yell alot of inappropriate girl talk back and forth, unless it's of a particularly delicate nature, then she stands in my door way. Stuff like cramps, diarrhea, churning snot and who's gonna pluck our chin hair when we end up in the home, are all subjects we try to keep to our little corner.

The Groper has taken to interjecting himself into our conversations. We do not like this. I know, it sounds mean girlish, but when I'm cramping up and my uterus is dropping demon spawn, I'm going to share that information with someone, usually against their will. I'd prefer that person to be Lulu. I'm getting on in the years and it's getting more and more difficult to suddenly change the subject to baking sugar free brownies or where to get the cheapest oil change when The Groper suddenly pops his head over the wall.

Then there's the personal space issue which he doesn't seem to be able to grasp. My desk faces the side cubey wall, leaving the entrance of my office to my right side. I know it goes against all the Feng shuey-ey rules and I don't remember why I put it that way, but it was a bad plan. The other day, I wore my bunny ring that I made from some leftover shop supplies. The Groper invited himself into my office and pretty much on top of me while I tried to work. He reached down and took my hand, stroking the ring.

"I wanted to see what you have here."

In my head I was all, "Get your hands off me you damned dirty ape!!!" but I actually just let him look.

Yeah I'm all nunchucks and badass mutha in type, but in person, I've got the backbone of a cocktail shrimp.

"I made it."

"Ooooo bunny rabbits. I like bunnies.. good eatin'," he said, smugly.

"I don't eat bunnies. I love my bunnies," I added, sounding more like Rainman than a badass anything.

"Oh yeah, that's right, you don't eat meat,"The Groper rolled his eyes, then added, pointing to his pointy teeth,"see these? They're for tearing meat, like little fluffy bunnies."

I looked at him. I should have been pissed off, but I wasn't. All I could think was.. Dude what is your deal here? Was he trying to make friends? Was he trying to wow me with his knowledge of the human anatomy and it's purpose? Trying to wiggle his way into the inner circle? Do two people make an inner circle? Was he totally lacking any social skills at all?

 There have been other incidents, all the same. I'm not sure about his methods, but it has become pretty obvious that he's on the prowl. A few days ago, he overheard me and Lulu talking about Grimm and broke his neck getting across the hall to tell me that T.A. had something in common with his "girlfriend" he's with now. They had the same name and she was a cat person too.

Girlfriend? Not Barbie doll Baby Mama? His live in/wifey/significant other.. whatever the crap she is, has been bringing him to work and picking him up, bringing his "go juice" (her words, not mine) when he forgets it, etc. Are you allowed to openly have a girlfriend when you're living with someone?

Then yesterday, Thelma dropped the bomb. She said that Barbie doll Baby Mama had come inside to bring him his cellphone when he'd left it at home and it was VERY obvious that she was...

PREGGERS!!!!!

WHAT THE CRAP??? Now we're all like.. when did they have that spat and break up? HOW MANY MONTHS AGO???? I don't remember if I told ya'll, but I came back from lunch one Friday when it was just me, Peppermint Twatwaffle and The Groper working, only he hadn't come back from lunch. He'd called and said he was in the middle of a fight with Barbie doll BabyMama's man in the middle of the highway, waiting for the law to show up. He wanted to know if Peppermint Twatwaffle was going to come bail him out of jail. Apparently BabyMama had left him and was shacking up with a new man, but about a month after the spat she'd moved back home.

OMG WHO'S THE BABY DADDY?????? SOMEONE GET MAURY POVICH ON THE PHONE!!!

I mean, if it's his, why would he be suddenly having to find a new girlfriend? SWEET LORD, THE DRAMA!!!

Anywho....

Ya'll chew on that. I'll keep you posted. And now, your complimentary kitten video.




Excuse the messy floor. This is the bathroom that was covered in a sea of laundry up until last weekend. Grimm is usually confined to The Amazon's room when she's not home. He's not quite old enough to fend for himself with the dogs and Kitty Kitty Two by Four. I let him out to romp, supervised, when I first got home this evening. He went wide open like this for over two hours. He's about 10 weeks old here.

Later Taters!!
 **

Winchester The Bunny

Bunny Update (because I'm totally gonna be the crazy bunny lady:)

Winchester is chillin' in a dog crate next to the bunny run. He seems excited to see Reginald and Reggie's been laying next to where the crate is. There has been some sniffing. Winchester is confined to the crate until he gets neutered on Thursday and a few days recovery time. In the meantime, I'm rearranging the porch and lining the railing with chicken wire so that when the time comes, they can have a safe place to get to know each other without the nosey pups. For the time being, I've got a section of plastic picket fence over the entrance to the steps and ramp, to eventually be replaced with walk through doggie gates from World O'Wally.

The listing for Winchester said he was an English Lop mix, but he doesn't have long ears. The lady at the shelter said they thought he was part Flemish Giant because of his coloring, but he's not very big, even for four months. He looks like the wild bunnies, descendants of Pocco, that frolic in the yard.

All of that aside, he loves snuggles and will curl up under your neck for as long as you'll hold him and that's all that matters to me.

I need more snuggles in my life. **

Of Pits and Manberries

It's a beautiful day Frog Pond Holler. The air is crisp and the sun is shining bright, reflecting the glistening moisture remaining from last night's rain off the fresh, new grass. The aroma of cut lawns, burning brush piles and just a hint of unwashed hiker armpit, wafts gently on the breeze.

Spring has sprung.

In other news, I got my federal refund the other day. A great rejoicing could be heard from inside my little trailer down in the holler. The first thing I did? Made an appointment for the bunnies to get a little snip-snip, because even though they are both male, yet have never fought and I don't have a female around to worry about them gettin' in the family way, being male? SWEET JEHOVAH THEY PEE ON EVERYTHING. They pee on the walls of their hutch, on my porch, ON EACH OTHER. I hope this helps. Hell, they even managed to pee on the CEILING of their hutch. 

HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?????

So tomorrow morning I get to load them up in a giant plastic storage bin (because really, how else am I going to haul to ginormous rabbits to the vet?) that has a big hole cut in the top, which, in true hillbilly style, I will cover with some chicken wire and duct tape. 

The box has a hole because it was originally a Pinterest DIY project for a better cat litter box. A project in which Kitty refused to participate. Apparently she does not know the value of being a team player. 

I guess tonight, since I'm off from the jammy job, which, by the way has turned in to cramming 15 hours work in on Saturday and Sunday because the most I can get now during the week is an hour, I'll try to get the bunnies cleaned up and brushed a little so they don't look like dirty little orphans at the vet tomorrow. 

There is lots more going on, lots of projects I've got going including painting, repairing, chickens, pygmy goats and all kindsa crap. I'm planning before and after posts, which I'm sure will be the most boring posts ever, unless of course I impale myself with a power tool or get flogged or somechit. 

Which is more likely than not.

Anywho... 

Sparkles is out on sales calls so I'm unsupervised and practicing my sales ninja skizzles, so I'd better get to it. 

Ya'll have an awesome day. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!

At Least There's Ice Cream

I wasn't very productive at The Asylum today. Not that I'm ever a nominee for employee of the week, but I usually manage to accomplish something.

I think the problem started over the weekend. Due to a sudden lack of hours at the jammie job (I worked five last week) I've gotten a crap load of house work done.

Until Sunday.

First, the light blew in the kitchen, which kinda skeeved me out 'cuz I'm on season four of Supernatural and that's how all the freaky shit usually starts.

I'm still kinda jumpy being here by myself at night. I should probably watch Oprah or something instead, but anywho...

The bunnies were hopping around the house, stretching their legs and trying to take over my bed. I was gathering up trash to be taken out by The Amazon when she got home and heard a weird noise in the living room.

Did you know that bunnies LOVE to dig? They especially love the big, fluffy, white pieces of litter in their box. With the help of the ceiling fan, the living room floor looked like the Bunny Slope at Aspen. As I swept up THAT mess, I noticed that Reginald's front feet were awfully dark and dirty. Apparently they enjoy digging in cold fireplace ashes as well. He found the old pot on the corner of the hearth and went crazy in it.

I decided it was time to put the bunns back in their pen, leaving the ashes on the floor until I was done. I came back in just in time to find Kitty, who's box had been in need of attention for a day or two (yes, I am ashamed) squatting to pee in the ashes. On the floor.

In the meantime...

I'd been doing laundry all day. As the last load reached the rinse cycle, I heard a gurgling in my bathroom. Water was filling the shower (there's no tub) and out into the floor. Before I could get to the washer to turn it off, there was a half inch murky, icky backwash running across the floor and down in to the vent.

I finally said effit and went to bed.

I got up to take a shower the next morning. My bath rug was soaked and musty smelling. Kitty decided it would be okay to pee on that while I fixed my hair.

Later that day, I spent my lunch break taking the trash to the dump because the bags never made it to the curb Monday morning. Then, after work I drove to the grocery store because we were out of everything and I had to wait for payday to go... so yeah.

I wasn't worth a shit today. I probably won't be for the rest of the night either.

At least there's ice cream (it's okay, it's sugar free.)

Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!

Of Bunny Fluff, Shady Pines and Trying to Get it Together

Kitteh Kitteh Two By Four

Lawd have mercy. It's Friday.. we made it.

It's been a wacky week in Mahalaville. Luckily there's been a lull in hours at the jammie job, giving me a chance to catch my breath. I say luckily until I get my check.. but anywho...

I sold two bags of "Little Bunny Poo-Poo" and an ounce of Angora fiber, which is awesome. Sparkles and Peppermint Patty were totally grossed out but they'll get over it. I told Sparkles that it simply proves that I am a marketing genius.

So then yesterday I got a call from Shady Pines saying they were going to sit Ma out on the curb if they didn't get a check and I was all like.. "oh shit" because I've not paid the bill in some months.

Not because of the money, it was just sitting there in Ma's checking account. I just hadn't thought about it.

I've been having problems keeping up with things lately. Let's just say I'm behind.. on life.

Today I did manage to mail my federal and state taxes (finally,) the order for bunny fluff and a check to Shady Pines. I've almost got my truck payment caught back up from the whole brake line brouhaha and my bedroom is starting to look a little more "Victorian-Gypsy-Shabby Chic" and a little less "Extreme Hoarders-Special Report with Diane Sawyer".

Maybe I'll get my shit together.. eventually.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I have to hit the road early tomorrow and head to the weirdo eye doc to pick up my new glasses. My prescription didn't change from last year, but I took some old frames to have some computer specs made. My bifocals are about as useful as a chicken with a chainsaw when I'm working either job.

After I pick up my specs, I'm going to run by the nail salon, try NOT to stop and coo over baby chicks and ducklings at the farm supply place and head home for a fun filled weekend of housework and laundry.

It's an exciting life I lead here in the holler. I can't hardly stand it.

Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!

Bunzillas in the Mist.

Cicero: A Hot Mess
This is what an ungroomed English Angora with a bad hair cut cuz his bother peed on him looks like. 

The bunnies will be a year old in April, I've had them six months now. Prior to coming to live in the holler with the other assorted critters, the brothers spent most, if not all, of their time in a small wire cage housed in the corner of the barn, under another wire cage containing a ginormo hussy of a Flemish Giant. The woman we bought them from seemed nice enough and I'm sure she loved her critters, but I don't think they got much one on one time. 

The first time The Amazon cradled sweet little Reginald in her arms, he growled at her. Bunny growls are serious business. And kind of cute.

I know they'd never been combed out before. The bunny lady clipped them down pretty close before we picked them up that night, after we took the scenic route in the wrong direction through the hillbilly back country. 

I made the decision to get angora bunnies after seeing their fluff for sale on Etsy. I didn't get bunnies just for that purpose, but I thought it would be neat to produce fiber. I entertained the thought of learning to spin it myself, before I took on the second job and suddenly found myself having to schedule pee time in to my evening shifts. The Amazon bought one of those spinny spindley hickies, but she's not been home much to do much artsy fartsy craft crap.

Anywho, the last six months I've been tackling the combined challenge of making friends with, as T.A. calls them, "The Sirs," while also trying to get them used to being manhandled, combed, brushed and snuggled against their will. 

I watched a lot of online videos on rabbit grooming, horrified by the number of them which suggested HOG TYING the little critters, stretched out like they're on a BBQ spit. 

Oh hell to the no. I don't think so.

I have to admit, they still don't exactly volunteer to be picked up. I think that's just a rabbit thing. I bring them in on the weekends and they have the run of the house. I put their blanket down with a litter box and they chase Yoda around. I watch close to make sure everyone plays nice, but I'm not too worried. I think the cat is afraid of them and Sammy doesn't care about anything as long as it lets him sleep. They kind of hang around wherever I am, as long as I don't make any sudden moves or act like I'm going for the comb. 

The angora boys are completely different from Lola the lop who used to hop in my lap and try to steal my banana every morning at breakfast and who used to go flip out and tear around the RV without warning like she was on crack. Reginald and Cicero kinda lumber around, occasionally chasing each other and trying to get their hump on. 

They are bunnies. 

I'd given up on ever having a cuddly, love bunny relationship with The Sirs. They just weren't in to it and seemed content to lay around the floor offering little or no interaction with me. 

But this weekend, there was a glimmer of hope.

First, I was combing Reginald on the bed so I could watch Netflix while I worked. The satellite is temporarily non-functioning. T.V. didn't make the priority bill list this month. 

Anyhooter, I have to stop a lot when I'm combing Reginald because if I don't he turns in to a teeth grinding wiggle worm. I'm sure there's another term for it, but I just think he's a brat and doesn't like to sit still for very long. I was letting him take a break and hop around on the bed when he found a spot under the ceiling fan and sprawled out like Al Bundy. 

It was a particularly warm weekend. 

After a while I finished combing him and set him down in the floor while I went in search of his brother. Upon my return to the bedroom, I discovered Reginald back on the bed, having reclaimed his turf and resumed his "I am male, this spot is mine, don't make me pee on it" position. Sammy, the Boston Baked Beagle had moved to the grooming blanket, demanding that his five hairs be brushed, so I did his hair up a little while Reginald lounged and Cicero waited patiently under my left arm. 

I was amazed that Reginald was not only content to grace me with his presence, but did so voluntarily.

It was a bunny breakthrough. I felt like Jane Goodall.. you know.. the gorilla lady. 

BUT THEN...

After both buns had their hair did, I took them back to the living room and plopped them down on their blanket while I returned to the bedroom to watch a movie about a bounty hunter. I wasn't too concerned, I can sorta see into the living room from the bed and all the other animals were piled up there with me. After a few minutes I heard the muffled thump of bunny feet coming down the hall. I peeked through the doorway and saw Cicero easing towards the bedroom. 

"I see you sneaking up on me Sissyboy."

He turned and hauled bunny butt back to the living room. A minute or so later, I heard him again. I looked out into the hallway and watched him come closer.

"I seeeeee youuuu Cicero."

Again, he turned and hopped back to the kitchen.

When I heard his approach the third time, I decided to ignore him and see what he'd do. I watched him out of the corner of my eye and saw that this time, he'd brought reinforcements. Reginald was bringing up the rear. They hopped towards my doorway, Cicero hopping a couple of feet then stopping, watching me. I pretended I didn't see them, he inched closer. I waited, he came all the way up to the edge of the carpet. I peeked around the door at him. 

"I seeeee youu."

He turned and hopped down the hall like a giggling toddler. At least, that's how I heard it in my head. 

The bunnies were playing with me. They kept it up for a while. It was like when you start playing fetch with a ball obsessed dog and later regret it when they won't let you stop. 

IT'S LIKE I'M THE WABBIT WHISPERER.

And this? This is what happens when you go without sex for too long. You become an old woman playing with her bunnies on Sunday afternoon and it's the COOLEST THING in your life at that moment. 

There are worse ways to end up I guess. 

Ya'll take care, we'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!!