Lately, he's been found sitting at his desk, frantically texting for hours on end, which in itself isn't that weird I reckon, but it's a new behavior for him. Also, he moved his office to the one that became vacant when Sparkles took the sales manager position, placing him directly across the hall from Lulu, causing a big stinkin' butt load of tension.
Lulu despises The Groper, not for his groping, but because he's basically annoying and.. ya know.. weird. Plus, he knows everything, has an opinion on everything and is under the sad illusion that everyone else gives a big rat's ass what he thinks.
Now, me and Lulu have been working beside each other for a long ass time. Like, 17 years or so. We like to chit chat about things, family things, work things and often girly things. Stuff like, why would anyone ever get a Brazilian wax? Or as she pronounces it, "Brizilyern." Lulu is in an office. I am in the friggen hallway (still) on the outside of one of her walls that don't go quite to the ceiling. We yell alot of inappropriate girl talk back and forth, unless it's of a particularly delicate nature, then she stands in my door way. Stuff like cramps, diarrhea, churning snot and who's gonna pluck our chin hair when we end up in the home, are all subjects we try to keep to our little corner.
The Groper has taken to interjecting himself into our conversations. We do not like this. I know, it sounds mean girlish, but when I'm cramping up and my uterus is dropping demon spawn, I'm going to share that information with someone, usually against their will. I'd prefer that person to be Lulu. I'm getting on in the years and it's getting more and more difficult to suddenly change the subject to baking sugar free brownies or where to get the cheapest oil change when The Groper suddenly pops his head over the wall.
Then there's the personal space issue which he doesn't seem to be able to grasp. My desk faces the side cubey wall, leaving the entrance of my office to my right side. I know it goes against all the Feng shuey-ey rules and I don't remember why I put it that way, but it was a bad plan. The other day, I wore my bunny ring that I made from some leftover shop supplies. The Groper invited himself into my office and pretty much on top of me while I tried to work. He reached down and took my hand, stroking the ring.
"I wanted to see what you have here."
In my head I was all, "Get your hands off me you damned dirty ape!!!" but I actually just let him look.
Yeah I'm all nunchucks and badass mutha in type, but in person, I've got the backbone of a cocktail shrimp.
"I made it."
"Ooooo bunny rabbits. I like bunnies.. good eatin'," he said, smugly.
"I don't eat bunnies. I love my bunnies," I added, sounding more like Rainman than a badass anything.
"Oh yeah, that's right, you don't eat meat,"The Groper rolled his eyes, then added, pointing to his pointy teeth,"see these? They're for tearing meat, like little fluffy bunnies."
I looked at him. I should have been pissed off, but I wasn't. All I could think was.. Dude what is your deal here? Was he trying to make friends? Was he trying to wow me with his knowledge of the human anatomy and it's purpose? Trying to wiggle his way into the inner circle? Do two people make an inner circle? Was he totally lacking any social skills at all?
There have been other incidents, all the same. I'm not sure about his methods, but it has become pretty obvious that he's on the prowl. A few days ago, he overheard me and Lulu talking about Grimm and broke his neck getting across the hall to tell me that T.A. had something in common with his "girlfriend" he's with now. They had the same name and she was a cat person too.
Girlfriend? Not Barbie doll Baby Mama? His live in/wifey/significant other.. whatever the crap she is, has been bringing him to work and picking him up, bringing his "go juice" (her words, not mine) when he forgets it, etc. Are you allowed to openly have a girlfriend when you're living with someone?
Then yesterday, Thelma dropped the bomb. She said that Barbie doll Baby Mama had come inside to bring him his cellphone when he'd left it at home and it was VERY obvious that she was...
WHAT THE CRAP??? Now we're all like.. when did they have that spat and break up? HOW MANY MONTHS AGO???? I don't remember if I told ya'll, but I came back from lunch one Friday when it was just me, Peppermint Twatwaffle and The Groper working, only he hadn't come back from lunch. He'd called and said he was in the middle of a fight with Barbie doll BabyMama's man in the middle of the highway, waiting for the law to show up. He wanted to know if Peppermint Twatwaffle was going to come bail him out of jail. Apparently BabyMama had left him and was shacking up with a new man, but about a month after the spat she'd moved back home.
OMG WHO'S THE BABY DADDY?????? SOMEONE GET MAURY POVICH ON THE PHONE!!!
I mean, if it's his, why would he be suddenly having to find a new girlfriend? SWEET LORD, THE DRAMA!!!
Ya'll chew on that. I'll keep you posted. And now, your complimentary kitten video.
Excuse the messy floor. This is the bathroom that was covered in a sea of laundry up until last weekend. Grimm is usually confined to The Amazon's room when she's not home. He's not quite old enough to fend for himself with the dogs and Kitty Kitty Two by Four. I let him out to romp, supervised, when I first got home this evening. He went wide open like this for over two hours. He's about 10 weeks old here.