Nicolas Cage and His Dayglow Teeth


Hey ya'll!
The sun is shining so bright in the holler today that it's downright weird lookin'! It seems the sun's been hiding behind gray poofy clouds for forever and a day. It's got me thinking that maybe I should use a few of those vacation days soon to do a little spring cleaning around the trailer. I've got about ten years build up of nicotine I need to coax off the walls, out of the carpet and furniture, and the bathroom.. well.. that just needs to be sandblasted or sumchit.
But spring cleaning isn't what I'm here to talk to ya'll about today.
Yesterday, the Amazon and I sat down to watch "Next" with Nicolas Cage. Now, before I go on, just let me add here that I've always found Cage to be seriously sexy. He wasn't "Hollywood Perfect," he was an approachable "I might stand a chance with that" sort of sexy.
I mean for real ya'll. The boy likes Elvis. He can't be all bad.
Having made that crystal clear, I'll get to the whole point of this post. (There is a point.. hang in there.. )
What is the effin' deal with Nicolas Cage's TEETH?
They're like glowing, radioactive Chicklets. You could land an airplane with those puppies. Hell, strap a few to the top of a lighthouse and warn ships at sea. It's not just Cage, super illuminated choppers have become common in Wacky Wood, along with Botoxed foreheads and lips that have been inflated to pressures exceeding those required by my truck tires.
Is anyone else distracted by this? Am I the only one?
It breaks my heart. Passed are the days of older, distinguished actors. Now they're all fake n' baked tans, alien teeth and plasti-faces.
Except maybe George Clooney. He's still lookin' hot (and human.)
As I watched the movie, I realized that all this cosmetic manipulation was so that Nick baby, who is a year older than me, could be paired up with Jessica Biel, who is only three years older than the Amazon.
Oh. My. God. Gross.
I liked the movie and I adore Nicolas Cage.
The real one.

9 comments:

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Cage is weird looking. His teeth are disturbing, but so is his oddly dead looking symmetrical face!

kenju said...

The trouble with all the day-glo white teeth is it makes mine look all the more yellow. Mine are that way for 2 reasons. 1. I drink a lot of coffee (and even though I brush, floss and rinse everyday, they are stained). 2. My mom used a drug when she was pregnant that affected my growing teeth, according to the dentist. I could have mine whitened some, but they would never be like Cage's, and the end result may not even be worth it. :-/

cathy said...

yesssssssss!!!
the preternaturally white teeth have been freaking me out for a couple of years now!

AC said...

I remember when that guy who is in Law and Order Criminal Intent...his name??!?!?...it's not coming through right now...anyway, he had this adorable crooked tooth in front and then between seasons he had the veneers done and he looks freaky now. I can't even watch anymore, though for other reasons as well.

It doesn't seem possible for normal, natural people to be seen on screen anymore. And the pairings of the old guys with the ridiculously young girls...I remember some movie with Sean Connery, whom I lust after, old or not, was husbanded to some beautiful woman 40 years younger and going through all sorts of relationship problems. They probably didn't mention the *one* they were probably having. It made the movie just stupid.

terri said...

Yeah, I wish all celebrities would follow Jamie Lee Curtis' lead and accept their age with pride.

Anonymous said...

Not to mention that my 15 year old (who naturally feels imperfect at this age) feels even worse when she see's all these fake people....

BetteJo said...

I DO find it distracting! Celebrities teeth are getting so bright I'm afraid to look at them - like looking directly into the sun!

It's amazing to me that people like Meg Ryan and others I would still consider young - are stretching and tucking and freezing. And OMG Priscilla Presley with that weird engine stuff in her face? It's gotten downright scary.

Joy T. said...

The inflated lips always get to me. I sit there starring and can't remember what they were even talking about. I'm so mesmerized by the big lips. I think I have issues. And nicolas cage is ok. George Clooney is better though :o) I love the natural wrinkles on his forehead. I know. More issues.

Anonymous said...

His teeth are not natural, but they look a lot better than they did... look at pics of him smiling in the 1983 movie "Valley Girl"... you'll see why he "had them done".