Nicolas Cage and His Dayglow Teeth

Hey ya'll!
The sun is shining so bright in the holler today that it's downright weird lookin'! It seems the sun's been hiding behind gray poofy clouds for forever and a day. It's got me thinking that maybe I should use a few of those vacation days soon to do a little spring cleaning around the trailer. I've got about ten years build up of nicotine I need to coax off the walls, out of the carpet and furniture, and the bathroom.. well.. that just needs to be sandblasted or sumchit.
But spring cleaning isn't what I'm here to talk to ya'll about today.
Yesterday, the Amazon and I sat down to watch "Next" with Nicolas Cage. Now, before I go on, just let me add here that I've always found Cage to be seriously sexy. He wasn't "Hollywood Perfect," he was an approachable "I might stand a chance with that" sort of sexy.
I mean for real ya'll. The boy likes Elvis. He can't be all bad.
Having made that crystal clear, I'll get to the whole point of this post. (There is a point.. hang in there.. )
What is the effin' deal with Nicolas Cage's TEETH?
They're like glowing, radioactive Chicklets. You could land an airplane with those puppies. Hell, strap a few to the top of a lighthouse and warn ships at sea. It's not just Cage, super illuminated choppers have become common in Wacky Wood, along with Botoxed foreheads and lips that have been inflated to pressures exceeding those required by my truck tires.
Is anyone else distracted by this? Am I the only one?
It breaks my heart. Passed are the days of older, distinguished actors. Now they're all fake n' baked tans, alien teeth and plasti-faces.
Except maybe George Clooney. He's still lookin' hot (and human.)
As I watched the movie, I realized that all this cosmetic manipulation was so that Nick baby, who is a year older than me, could be paired up with Jessica Biel, who is only three years older than the Amazon.
Oh. My. God. Gross.
I liked the movie and I adore Nicolas Cage.
The real one.