Monday, January 26, 2015

Hidey Holes

I know I promised I'd post more, but I also promised myself I'd stop bitching and moaning about The Asylum in every. Single. Post. However, the clusterfuck that is my employment situation continues to dumbfound.



I busted my keister all weekend trying to get stuff caught up, cleaned up. I don't know what got in to me, but I figured I'd better strike while the iron is hot because I'm out of Colcrys and I know it's just a matter of time before I'm hobbling around like Gramaw Moses. I still find hidden caches of Ma's hoarding. I spend a big part of my life bagging up crap to haul to the dump.

It's a single wide trailer. How can there be so many hidey holes?

In between sweeping, bagging, dragging and hauling I played with my little home made loom some yesterday. I've tried thread (too small,) baby yarn (still too small) and eventually graduated to former Goodwill sheets, ripped in to scraps. I'm thinking throw rugs. I'd have to sew like.. four completed pieces together to make a decent throw rug, but it gives me something to do and I've got plenty of scraps to use.

I'm not worried about trying to sell them. It takes all the fun out of making stuff. My house is going to turn in to a DIY/crafty old lady nightmare.. and I don't care.

Currently, my kitchen floor looks like there was some midget mud wrestling going on. The backyard is just goo and Ayla has trucked about half of it in. Not much sense mopping until it dries up a bit. Also, the Christmas tree is still in the corner, dead and bare. TA says she can't take it down until she sharpens her hatchet. I'm not sure what one has to do with the other, I don't know if she intends to chop it down in the living room or what. I just smile and say, "Oh.. okay."

I've learned not to ask.

And now:

The Random Asylum Rant
Brought to you, in case you're sick of Asylum posts and want to skip this part.

So, TW, Tiny  and Buster are gone to the trade show for three days. This morning, when inquiring about an order that's supposed to ship today, I find out we're shipping some robot monkeys with llama arms. This order is huge, like.. truck load going to an Air Force base huge. Aparently, we can't get the monkey arms until next month, so TW told them to ship them with llama arms, then we'll drop ship the  monkey arms next month and the customer will have to install them themselves. All this so that TW's numbers won't be off at the end of the month. No one told me anything about this until this morning, as the truck was being scheduled to pick up the robot monkeys. So, since all the managers are at the show, I'm expected to call the customer and tell him we're sending his monkeys with llama arms and not to worry.. they'll work.. theoretically.. I mean.. an arm's an arm.. until the monkey arms can be shipped. Oh and don't forget he'll have to take the monkeys apart when he gets them so that he can reinstall the arms. 

I was livid. I called TW at the show and left her a damned pissy voice mail. She never called me back, instead she called Thelma, when I happened to be standing there.. and told her that I knew about this for two weeks, although the decision was just made last Wednesday. 

So pissed. 

I mean, if you had purchased $300K worth of robot monkeys, would you not expect them to be functional when you got them?

Customer Service: it doesn't mean what they think it means.


Anyway.,., back to it. Ya'll stay warm. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Butt Fountains and Jerks

It's been a beautiful Saturday in the holler, a Saturday I wasted by sleeping entirely too much. I blame the allergy drugs. I've been waking up with a sore throat every morning for  a week, plus the Rice Krispie joints have been doing their thing so I haven't been sleeping much.

Whatever, that's my excuse.

I did manage to haul some stuff to the dump and start a load of clothes in the bucket. I needed to get the porch cleaned off, but.. not today.

It's like.. it takes a whole day to get the mayhem of The Asylum out of my system, then Sunday I hit the ground running, but there's too much to get done in one day. I won't get it done tomorrow either. I got a call from Shady Pines yesterday and I'll have to go to Big City to sign some papers for Ma. By the time I stop for a few groceries and hit the hardware store for a few tools for the back porch project, it'll be an all day trip.

I need a level and one of those mini crowbar nail puller thingies.

We've not progressed much on the pallet porch. TA had a gut virus for like a week, with fever and.. as she put it.. the butt fountain. She's finally starting to act normal again. In the mean time, the front yard is piled full of pallets. I'm sure the neighbors are thrilled. I can't wait to see their little turned up noses when we start on the pallet fence.

Things at The Asylum are nuts.. as usual. Twatwaffle has assigned her secretary/HR liaison/part time production worker, to assist me with phone calls and clerical stuff. This is the employee that reads romance novels for most of the day. She's already helping Thelma with production stuff which Thelma can't finish because she's helping me by entering orders.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? We're spread a little thin.

And the Sec.. well.. let's just say she doesn't have a very strong work ethic.

TW says she's going to hire another person for the sales department, not a sales manager. She confided in me that after the last two, she's gun shy about hiring managers. I've stopped giving her my opinion. Ride it out 'til the house is paid for. That's the plan.

Yesterday, I came in a hair of getting in a throw down with The Groper. He came strolling in to the Sec's office, pushed his way in to the conversation, then proceeded to tell me I'd raised TA all wrong and if she was HIS kid, he'd have kicked her out of the house a long time ago. He was all, "When Ryder's 18, he's out."

All I said was, "Ryder lives with his mother in Indiana. Your opinion is invalid."

He rattled on uncomfortably about all manners of my life and how I should live according to his advice for a good 10 minutes before he finally took the hint and meandered away. I don't even remember what me and the Sec were talking about. I think it was about how kids act when they're sick. We were in her office, it's not like we were having a discussion out by the coffee pot.

I just gave him the Mahala-oh-no-you-dint-death stare until he left. The Sec told me she was proud of me. After witnessing other altercations between The Groper and I, she feared having to stuff her delicate ears with assorted office supplies to protect her righteous constitution from the flow of four letter wordy dirties and possible physical threats that would soon follow. And then she confided that she kinda wished I'd broke my foot off in his ass.

Like I give a rat's pattootie what he thinks. Jerk.

In other news...

I've fallen off the meat wagon a few times lately. It started with the spiral ham we got for our Christmas bonus. It seemed silly, in light of our current financial situation, to turn down free food. Also, living in the holler, it's hard to find fresh fruits and veggies. I don't make it to the grocery store every week, or even every payday (it's about 30 minutes across the river and through the woods.. up by Mamaw's house) and there's only so much you can find to eat at the DG. Maybe once we get our little garden up and growing, it'll be easier. Of course, there's also the whole blood sugar thing. A person can only eat so many beans and eggs for protein.

Speaking of eggs, the chickens are all still fat and sassy. Really sassy. Sometimes, they're down right bitchy. It's hilarious. Especially Whoopie and Queen Latifah. I swear their little heads bob side to side when they get all cranked up. Egg production has dropped off completely in the past couple of weeks, along with the freakishly warm fall and winter we've had. It's just now starting to get really cold at night. I don't put them up in their house every night anymore. Their pen is pretty secure (a 10 x 10 x 6 dog lot, covered) and they wouldn't go in at night unless we went out there and physically picked them up and placed them inside. While we are plopped down in the middle of a National Forrest, we are technically in town and I don't worry as much about most predators as I would if were were 5 miles outside of the city limits.

I use the term city tres loosely.

Anywho, it's dark now and as is the way of Mahala, I'm full of spunk. Time to tackle some dishes and dirty delicate under thingies. Can people be naturally nocturnal? I mean, besides Vampires or Werewolves.

By the way, I finally brought my little digi cam in from the truck. I'll charge the battery this weekend, then I can go back to boring thrilling you with mundane pics of my exciting life.

Ya'll have a great weekend. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Pallet Porches and Shetland Sheep

 This post is being brought to you by Open Office, because the interwebbs is being a jerkhole.

I've checked all the lines, jiggled the doodads and taken a chainsaw to the nature that has invaded the power/phone lines. After that last bit, I came in to find Hulu working, sat down with a cup of coffee, feeling quite satisfied with myself, and made it as far as the opening credits of Modern Family before it all went to hell.

I reset the modem, wait for all the little blinkie lights to go green, turn on anything webby related and it's gone. I ran in to Aunt Moses down at the Pump and Go earlier. She said the connection was borked to hell up at the elementary school too.

I have also burned candles, chanted, prayed, begged and even considered making my way to the nearest crossroads for a little wheel and deal, but nothing.

Anywho, I'm hoping I can finagle enough of a connection to upload this post. If not, I'll have to thumb drive it to The Asylum Monday morning.

I will not be out done.

Enough whining about technology, or the lack there of, in the holler. On to other things...

I called in at work Thursday. My shower was frozen and I while I suppose I could have taken a sink bath, I didn't feel like dealing with it. Also, I'm ashamed to admit this but.. Twatwaffle called me in the office about a month ago to tell me I smelled like dog. So.. I'm not going to work if I'm not shower fresh.

I don't think I really smelled like dog. Lulu said TW was just trying to bring me down a peg or two, because orders were through the roof and I'd proven her wrong on so many levels. I dunno. I can't imagine I was walking around smelling like I'd rolled in nastiness without knowing it. But anywho, I took a vacation day. When I came back on Friday, my phone mailbox was full and I had 130 emails. TW was all, “Let's get through those phone messages and catch up those emails!”


I told her that if I couldn't take a day off when needed without everything going to hell, that was a sign that maybe she needed to hire some help. I informed her that our customer service sucks, through no fault of mine and that we were losing sales every day by my inability to take care of all the phone calls and messages.

Her response?

“I know. I feel you guuurl. I was here til 8 o'clock last night.”

Then she went on her merry way. I swear to all that's Holy, she must have been dropped on her head as a small child, dribbled around the yard and tossed at the trash can for a three pointer.

When I get really frustrated at work, when I think I can't take one more day, I start looking for another job online. Eventually I calm down, remind myself that while my measly pay is .. well.. measly.. it's more than I can make anywhere else in town. Then I remind myself that they're going to pay me the same thing whether there are sales are not and I convince myself to just ride it out until the house is paid for.

In the mean time, TA and I have accumulated a stack of free pallets. If the ground isn't frozen when she's off on Monday, she'll finish digging the steps out. I'll have to wait til payday to get some water seal stuff. I'm hoping that will keep the pallets from rotting out from under us.

We've come to realize that we have a nearly unlimited supply of pallets that we can get from The Asylum and we've devised a plan to build a privacy fence. It will be way more work then buying panels, but the only cost, I think, will be nails and fence posts. The only thing that concerns me is whether or not either of us is strong enough to drive that many nails. I tend to use screws for everything so I can use my little power screwdriver, but nails will be less expensive. We'll see how the porch project goes first.. before one of us is rendered paralyzed by wiping out on the broken back steps.

I've been looking at sheep online. Did you know that Shetland sheep are little like Babydoll sheep? And that they don't have to be sheared? Apparently, they shed in the spring and you can sort of pull the loose wool, like we do the bunnies. It's called rooing. I could roo sheep.

You realize I'll likely be long dead before I can ever accomplish everything I have planned.

I also found a livestock auction over in Erwin, TN which is actually closer than Big City when you take the cattle trail over the mountain and through the woods. I told TA we needed to go check it out one Saturday, before we decide to buy anything.

Speaking of TA, she had a telephone interview with the Big City college library yesterday. It would be a decent job with good pay, doing what she wants to do. She said she froze and is convinced she came across like an idjit, but I'm hopeful that she gets called back for person to person interview. I'm not sure how they'll feel about the facial piercings and tatts, but whatever. In Big City, that describes pretty much everyone.

TA just has the one tattoo. It's the tree of life with a Thor's hammer in the trunk on her forearm. It's easily covered. Don't tell her I said this but.. at first glance to me it always looks like a big anchor and I'm reminded of Popeye. As for the piercings, she's got clear bits she wears in them when she works at the Frog Pond Holler library on Saturday mornings.

Am I rambling? I feel like I'm rambling.

As of this moment, the innerwebs is up and running, so I'd better strike while the iron is hot and get this posted. Ya'll take care, kay? We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!!