Cover Me. I'm Going In.

I stopped in town yesterday to ask RonRon the Leprechaun if he'd come check our plumbing. He did such a good job last time and I can't really afford a real plumber.

 I got out of the truck, worked up some courage and approached the scary looking bald-on-top, hair-to-his-waist-in-the-back redhead. "How are you today?" I asked.

He slowly turned, revealing a reddened, puffy face, eyes like slits and a snaggle toothed shit eatin' grin. He lifted his hands to the sky, spread his arms wide and turned his face toward the mountain. Either he was having a religious experience or he was totally roasted.

Maybe I'm being all Judgey McSnootypants but I'm pretty sure he was wasted.

I excused myself and left. I saw him again at lunch today, already nursing a beer, so I decided The Universe was trying to tell me to put on my big girl panties and fix it myself. I had myself worked up to it before I left the office, but then I stopped at the dolla store. Inside, the stench of raw sewage was wafting up and down the aisles. They're on my street. I bet it's everyone. By the time I got home, I'd convinced myself that:

1. I'm too tired
2. I already feel like crap on a cracker. I won't elaborate too much, I'll just say that at a certain age, the regularity of one's body's proof of it's ability to breed becomes a royal pain in the ass.
3. #2 leads to #1
4. It's too much to tackle after work. I can get T.A. to help me after she gets off at the library tomorrow.

There's a trap about four feet from the road. I have a 20 ft plumber snakey thing. I reckon I can just shove that mutha down there and crank it. If I hit something hard, I've got about 15 ft of black water pipe that T.A. bought to make hoola-hoops with. I can ram that in there too I guess.

Is there a flangey doohickey where our pipe feeds in to the main town line?

This is going to be ugly. I can feel it.

Pray for me. Burn some sage. Dance nekkid in the moonlight around a bonfire and chant whatever the hell you need to in my name.

Tomorrow.. I'm going in.

Later Taters!!!  

Texting With The Amazon: The Sludge Chronicles

The Amazon: You attack the drains yet?

hiddenmahala: yes with a vengeance

to no avail

i even prayed over the second pot of boiling water , added salt and dunked the wooden cross  in it since it was made by innocent children

i wish I was joking

 **

Down In The Holler, Where Spring = Sludge!

It was crazy at The Asylum today.. but then, that's why it's called The Asylum.

Sparkles and I have been working hard to bring more business in, which we.. mostly he.. but we have. It's been hard to get back in the good graces of our long time customers after 7 years or so of Bossholio's reign. After all our hard work, today we found out that we're getting shanghaied when the stuff gets to the shipping dock.

Apparently Peppermint Patty never learned that the customer is always right.

One of our Canadian customers insists on sending their own truck, which is fine, but P.P. got impatient when it wasn't there when SHE thought it should be, so she stuck it on the first truck to show up. So then.. when the other truck showed up, a brouhaha of epic proportions ensued. Our very good Canadian customer got stuck with a $3500 freight bill. It should have been around $400.

I have a feeling that Peppermint Patty is fixin' to have a rude awakening. Mild mannered Sparkles may be easy to get along with, but he doesn't take a lot of shinola either. Heads are fixin' to roll and Sparkles? He'll just keep on smiling.

In other news....

My sludge situation continues. I had the bright idea to open the sewer tap the Leprechaun put in a couple of years ago and shove the plumbing snake down there to see if I could jimmy something or 'nother loose. I asked Sparkles, who ran his own Mr. Fix It and construction business the past few years, if he thought it was a good idea.

His eyes got big as saucers. "You might oughta not do that. Dependin' on where it's clogged up, you could open that thing up and cause a big poo flood." So yeah, I backed off that idea right quick. I came home at lunch and got a load of laundry together so I could stop at The Ol' Wash Tub (not even making that one up, thankyouverymuch) on the way home to do a load, which I did.

Did you know it's a friggen BUCK FIFTY to wash a load of clothes now? And to dry them too? Aww hell no. I washed a load then put them right back in the truck, brought them home and hung them on the line. The wind is blowing hard today, at least something should be dry by in the morning.

I am not above hittin' the short britches from the weekend (that's what we call capris) and wearing them one more day if I have to.

I don't want to do it, but I'm going to call down to town hall tomorrow and see if they'll send Barry down to look at it. I hate doing stuff like that, but I know it's in the town's line, it always is. I'll just have to hike up my big girl panties and make waves.

After I hung the laundry out, took a breather before mowing part of the lawn. I got about half way done before it occurred to me that dang, I'm tired.

I'll finish it tomorrow night. It ain't going anywhere.

Anywho..

That's the latest from the holler. My end of it anyway. We'll talk again soon. Promise.

Later Taters!

 **