Monday, February 06, 2012

Hump Bustin', Bunny Movin' and Rosie O'Donnell

The thermometer says it's 50 degrees in Frog Pond Holler, but I swear it feels 20 degrees cooler. I think the weather is broken. At least it's not raining again. There's a guy up the road with a sump pump running 24/7 just to get the water out of his yard.

Craziness.

I busted my hump Saturday. I moved Lola to the shower bunny hutch, complete with skylight and removed the shower door.. with TOOLS and crap. I rearranged stuff, swept, dusted and cleaned the mud encrusted blinds in the living room. If you call it a living room. What would you call the front area behind the driver's seat in a home that is technically a vehicle? It's not really a room... exactly. Communal area? Lounging compartment? Where the couch is?

Heckameknow.

I also started on some curtains. They're a dark purple, almost blue, with a paisley print. And some flowers. And polka dots.

Don't judge me. I love my Goodwill rag pickin' fabric.

Then yesterday? I slept. I couldn't stop sleeping. If I even got still, I was snoozin'. I think the medical term is "Lazinus Assinus."

On a totally different subject, what the hell happened to the fabulous new Rosie O'Donnell show on OWN? It was GREAT. And now she's doing all these one on one interviews with celebrities, talking about their screwed up childhoods and how they've over come this and that.

Hellfire, I get enough of that chit in my own life. After a long day at The Cubicle Asylum with Bossholio, I need to come home and laugh. I guess I'll be watching Dharma and Greg reruns instead.

Anywho...

I've got brown rice, chicken tattas and some veggies simmering on the stove and I really should be ironing my curtain hems so I can get them hung... so that'll be all for now.

I hope ya'll had an awesometastic Monday. At least it's over.

Later Taters!

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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Curing Carpet Herpes and Other Provocative Subjects

There was a hard frost covering the holler this morning. The yard is crunchy, the puddles are frozen and it's colder than penguin snot.

It's been AGES since I've posted and I've got so many things to tell ya'll, each topic really deserving a post of it's own, but if I did that, we'd never get caught up. So get comfy, go pee if you gotta, fix yourself a cup o' joe and prepare thyself.

We'll start with the critters. Sammy, the Boston Baked Beagle woke up the other morning with one ear swelled up like it had been inflated. And it was his good ear. The Amazon took him to the vet, who called it a hematoma, which I'm pretty sure is the same thing we used to call a "pump knot." They've delayed surgery until we get his funky skin condition back under control, so he's back on the antibiotics and steroids. In a few days he'll be stomping around the house like Ahhnold demanding his kibble.

Ayla (The Great Huskinese or Pyrusky, if you prefer) and I have been taking long walks (almost) every night after work. During this time I've decided that Caesar Milan is full of shinola, it doesn't matter if my dog wants to walk in front of me (both our ample booties don't really fit side by side on the sidewalk anyway) as long as she's not pulling me and I don't need to be an asshole to my dog to teach her how to walk correctly on a leash.

We are both much happier this way. She walks along, wagging her tail, sniffing the ground and greeting dogs, humans and chickens along the way. If you're doing what the "experts" tell you to do, but your gut tells you it's not right, follow your gut. Check out this guy for a different perspective.

Kitty Kitty Two by Four is less evil than she used to be and even demands the occasional loving cuddles. It's a miracle, although she still gets pleasure from holding on to Ayla's tail while she's dragged through the house and giving Yoda the occasional smack on the head.

Yoda is the same bossy little old man who acts like he's terminally starved for attention.

Lola the Bunny is completely housebroken and has the run of the RV when I'm home. She'll now hop up on the couch and sit beside you for head scritches and can smell a banana from the other end of the caravan. She's still really too young to get much fruit, but I give her a bite from time to time. Her favorite thing is parsley and she'll be your best friend FOREVER if you give her a handful. Other than trying to steal whatever I'm working on (I think she has clepto tendencies) she pretty much just chills, with the occasional running/hopping/sliding on wood floors fit.

Speaking of the girl cave, most of ya'll will remember the bad case of carpet herpes (check it out here if you missed it.) It's currently covered with a bedspread, I wanted to get some more carpet eventually, but sheesh, who's got time? Anywho, I found some fabric paint online, made for upholstery, that can be used on carpet.

HOLY CRAPBALLS BATMAN!!!

I actually got a little girly moist with excitement when I realized I could PAINT THE HERPES CARPET. (And yes, I do realize I've been manless for just a wee bit too long.) It's $20 a can, but I don't have much area to cover. I can use it on the clusterfucked front step area too.

You know you're intrigued. Admit it.

I've been thinking about moving Lola's area to the shower. It's not big enough to use for much else, other than maybe to bury corpses in an upright position. And then there's that no running water thing. It's currently where I put my dirty laundry, which can be moved to the bathroom, which I don't use because asshole Cousin H never hooked up the sewer thingie AND there's no heat in there anyway. If I moved her, I'd put her crate inside the shower, remove the door, which would let more light in from the skylight, then put a pet gate on this end of the kitchen. She'd have way more room to run around when I'm not here (the whole kitchen, hallway area,) she'd still have complete run of the place when I'm home and she wouldn't be attacking my toes when I try to run the sewing machine.

She's not a fan of my fancy shmancy new Brother. It was the cheapest one they had at Wallyworld, but I still think it's awesometastic.

I finally finished the pillows for the plant manager yesterday. They're just plain-jane muslin pillows with brown covers, but I'm still happy with how they turned out. It was great practice with the new machine. Now I've got time to make more earrings. Supplies arrived from Turkey last week, but between Ma, Sammy, Bossholio being out for the past week and six pillows, I've not even had time to open them.

Ma has been riding the crazy train pretty hard lately. That's all I'm going to say on the subject, other than I never thought I'd see the day when I had to threaten my own mother to get her to put on some damn pants.

Oh yeah. And I've discovered Pinterest. That's like.. a few hundred more hours of my life in front of the computer. You can follow me here if you'd like.

Anywho...

Everything is a mess. Dishes, fabric scraps, bunny hay, blankets tossed around, sewing supplies spread out on the bed. I'd better get to it. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Of Garcia, Barney and Asylum Chronicles

Lawd have mercy. It's colder than yeti tits up in this rv. Thank goodness for five dolla' fuzzy leopard print pj bottoms.

I left work early yesterday and went to Not-So-Big-City to get my new glasses. They look nice, if I do say so myself and are somewhat less "poor ho trailer trash" and slightly more "present day nerdified with a touch of designer elegance, like if Garcia from Criminal Minds had to dress slightly more business than casual."

More importantly, I can see. Well.. most of the time. As long as I don't make any sudden moves. It's my first bi-focals. The doc's sage advice? "Don't look down." I probably shouldn't have worn them straight out to the fabric store and then to Wallyworld for groceries. By the time I got to the checkout, I'd gotten myself so confused about which half to look through when, my head was bobbing and weaving like drunken prize fighter.

 But anywho...

Things at The Asylum have been.. interesting. I think I've pissed everyone off at least once in the past week. In an effort to keep myself from getting so upset over piddly chit, I've been taking a very small dose of clonazepam in the mornings. My noggin doc had suggested it as a pre-emptive measure when Bossholio would come back from his mandatory weeks off with a chip on his shoulder. Amazing how much work you can get done when you reach a chemically induced state of the notgivashits.

We have issues getting our product out the door on time. As the sole sales force (I don't count Bossholio) it makes my job.. well.. it makes it suck big red ones.. when customers call to get tracking info for their order and I have to tell them it's not going to ship for another week. Problem is, I usually don't know it's not going on time until they call and ask about it. I've been working diligently since the beginning of the year to make sure that doesn't happen anymore.

I now have a desk calendar with all the orders with their scheduled ship dates proudly displayed. Thelma calls it the headache calendar because she says I'm getting on her nerves. I call and pester the effin' crap out of everyone involved in getting stuff out the door on a daily basis. I'm determined to nip this whole "it's not my job" attitude that has spread like the plague throughout the plant, right in the bud.



Of course, to do this, I have to take on crap that totally isn't my job, but what the hell.

I know they don't like it because whenever we're discussing why this and that didn't go as scheduled and the GM walks by, Thelma gets all pissy and says, "She's trying to be efficient, keep us all on our toes, giving me a headache!"

It also means I'm in a constant pissing contest with the shipping guy, but that's sorta fun.. for me anyway.

Meanwhile, back in the girl cave...

I've got sewing supplies lying all over. The new PM wants me to make six pillows for her. Apparently her basement is the designated flop house for all the kids from the high school and she likes them to be comfy. I'm mostly using fabric I already have, but I had to buy two super sized bags of poly-fill and some muslin, which is what I was doing at the fabric store. I'm also going to try to make myself a new purse, so I needed some fabric stiffy stuff and buttons. If it comes out like I'm thinking, I might offer them for sale in my shop.

I've got a big order to fill (I sold a rug, earrings and nail oil!) and finish the purple rug I'm working on. There are also three books lying here that I need to get listed. They're not gonna sell sitting on the table.

The Amazon has exciting news at work. She's moving on up (she gets all pissed off when I call her Weezy, but I think it's cute) and will soon be working less vampire-like hours and will be off on weekends.

Anywho..

I reckon I'd better get my butt in gear. I hope ya'll have a great weekend. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!

P.S. Take it from me, do NOT do an image search for "yeti tits". That is all.

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