Toe Vesuvius

Warning: The following is a little gross, but I promise there aren't any pictures.

Do ya'll remember back about a month ago when I dropped the doghouse on my big toe? It hurt for about a week, then eased off... or seemed to at least after I banged my baby toe on the vacuum cleaner a few days later.

The nail on my big toe has been a hot topic of discussion and a source of entertainment for everyone at my house as it's gone from blue to purple to a greenish brown then white with some dark speckles. I figured it would eventually fall off (the nail, not my whole toe) but I wasn't too worried about it.

Until yesterday...

I was at my desk concentrating on Twitter and Facebook working hard and getting orders entered when I happened to glance down at my big toe, screeching in disbelief.

"LULU!!!!OH MY GAWD COME HERE!"

"What in the world? Are you a' dyin'??" she asked, half laughing.

As she rounded the corner to my cubey, I pointed to my toe, my mouth hanging open, my eyes wide with surprise.

"Ooooooh Mahala. That's... not good. No. That's gonna rawt right off." It's a good thing she never finished nursing school. Her bedside manner sucks.

The end of my toe was covered in blood and what appeared to be other fluids and.. stuff.. seeping from under my toenail. I couldn't wait to limp back to Bossman's office to ask if I could go home and administer some first aid, just so he would have to look at it.

He's just a tad bit on the squeamish side.

I ended up getting some peroxide and bandages from the tool crib for some doctorin' on the fly. Lawd that thing boiled up like a volcano, spewing it's infested lava all over sandal and saturating the paper towels I'd put under it. My inner 12 year old with the odd fascination for gross things was silently amazed at the uber coolness of what was going on with my foot.

I never claimed to be normal.

After the eruption was over, I covered Toe Vesuvius with a knuckle bandage and limped around the rest of the day. It was sore, but not too bad. On the way home, I stopped at the dollar store for an econo sized bottle of peroxide and other supplies.

I was prepared.

Back at the trailer, me and The Amazon dug up some dirt to make room for a couple of tomato plants, to the amusement of the nosy weed whacker guy over at the rental house. He doesn't know how close he came to losing a vital organ when he came over to supervise T.A. wielding a shovel.

"Are you a' diggin? That ground's awful hard. Ain't you got no maddock? That feller that was a workin' on your crap pipe had one. Why didn't you borry his?"

I love neighbors.

Once that was done (I've got sunflowers coming up too. Yaay!) I went back inside, unbandaged my toe and poured a crap load of peroxide in it, cleaning it out good and slapping some Neosporin on there before wrapping three bandaides around it.

Today? It's less sore. I think (hope) it was just a blood blister under there that popped.. or something. If it gets worse or grows a horn or anything over the weekend, I'll take it to the urgent care thingy. Lulu and I have decided that if my toenail does fall off, I'm going to stick it in a sandwich bag and send it over to the Cutie Patootie in inner-office mail as payback for all the times I came in to work to find he'd hung my little stuffed lamb from the ceiling in a makeshift noose tied with Mardi Gras beads.

Paybacks are hell.

TGIF ya'll. If Aunt Moses ever shows up to mow our yard, which currently puts the Amazonian rain forests to shame, I'm going to tidy up the landscape a little, weed whacking and hedge lopping. I might set some more veggies out in the flower bed, I've given up on having an actual garden. The Universe keeps screaming a resounding "NO" to that little plan.

I'm slow but I do catch on eventually.

We'll talk again soon. Have a killa weekend.

Later Taters!