It Might Not Be Okay, But It'll Be Different

It's cloudy, gray and squishy in Frog Pond Holler today. The house is filled with the putrid odor of hair color as I try in vain to beat back the gray and as of this moment, as far as I know, I am still employed.

I guess it goes without saying, especially to those of you who've read here the longest, that I've been a wreck since my batshit crazy episode at work the other day. Bossman hasn't mentioned it to me at all, but when Thelma came in on Thursday and I filled her in on the latest, she said the GM had called in wanting to know who had called him from the office.

He's on vacation in Myrtle Beach. He does not want to be bothered while on vacation.

Thelma put him through to his secretary, who was privvy to my side of the story and who, I'm sure, filled him in, complete with my snot filled blubbering ugly girl crying episode in her office. We don't know if he ever talked to Bossman or not.

By Thursday afternoon, I'd convinced myself that Bossman was just waiting for the GM to come back in on Monday so he could fire me. The GM likes to be there anytime someone from the administrative staff gets the axe. I'd worked out my vacation hours for the rest of the year, every Friday starting in November, but I was afraid if I took it to Bossman, he'd tell me to hold on to it until Monday or he'd just lay it down or something. My gut was in knots. It wouldn't have taken much for me to start puking.

I eventually worked up the nerve to turn it in and he thanked me for it. We then went over the schedule for the rest of the year, he taking the opportunity to let me know when he expected to be out of the office.

I could sorta breathe after that.

Bossman is going to be out of the office on Monday when the GM gets back from vacation. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. It can still go in any number of different directions, but I'm trying to just tell myself that whatever happens, I'll deal with it. I've also realized that this all started with the passive aggressive letter Bossman left waiting for me on my desk when I came back to work after taking off two whole days (the nerve of me) when Ma was in the hospital. The one that implied I was an imcompetant slacker because my filing was behind.

That's when I developed an attitude.

I kept the letter. I'm thinking I should take it with me Monday, just in case the GM wants to chat.

For the record, Bossman has been so nice since my "episode" that it's a little scary. I'm hoping he's just going to let it go. If he wanted to fire me, technically he has every right. But at the same time, he's got to know that he's been beyond unreasonable for six months now and I'm only human.

On a side note, I couldn't remember alot of what I said to him at first, I guess because of my state of mind at the time, but little tidbits keep coming back to me.

The cringe factor is horrible.

Anywho, I'm going to go wash the dye out of my hair. Ya'll have a good weekend. I'll be tidying up a bit while seriously reconsidering my decision to give up drinking and smoking.

I could use one of each right about now.

Later Taters.


Keli said...

Sometimes you have to let it out and stand up to a bully, bravo for doing so! I hope you scared the begeezes out of Bossman and that he thinks long and hard before he treats you or anyone else that disrespectfully.

rennratt said...

Write everything you said down, even the cringe -inducing parts.

Then write down every interaction that you remember, good and bad, that you had with Bossman in the past six months.

Take both items to the GM on Monday and ask that they be placed in your file after he reads them. Sure, it's scary. But confessing what happened (and the encounters that led up to The Event) will likely have the GM squarely on your side should Bossman decide to visit the GM himself.

Make no mistake: Bossman isn't being nice because he's sorry for his actions these past months. He's Passive Aggressive. He's hoping you will back down, and when you do, he WILL take this to the GM to get his revenge.

You have an excellent reputation, and a great sales record at your job. Do NOT let this jerk win by making you feel small.

You're better than that, and worth more than you give yourself credit for.

kenju said...

Re-read everything that Renn said and it goes double for me, especially the last line!!

BetteJo said...

My guess is - he's getting pressured from somewhere up the line and passed it on to you. When you exploded, and rightly so, he was pissed. But after you left his office I'll bet he realized he had crossed a line and had taken out his own stress on you. BUT - he won't apologize or admit he was wrong.

I may be wrong, but I'm thinking he won't fire you. Sounds like there's a good chance he'll stroke out before that happens.

I do agree with the documentation part in comments above. It's always best to document, document, document, and when you're done with that - document some more.

Hang in there!

tiff said...

Renn has the experience necessary to guide you in this situation - please listen to her!

Going into a situation like this fully armed is way better than hoping the other guy doesn't have a knife hidden someplace...

Inanna said...

I'm with everyone else. Listen to Renn. IN the meantime, I'll be thnking of you. Not that I don't already, but more so.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Oh, Lordy! I just read your last post and this one, and based on how you described his behavior post-meltdown, it sounds like he is going to let it go because you were right. I mean, maybe you shouldn't have blown up at him, but the things you said were probably dead on. People test their boundaries and it sounds like you just let him know that he'd reached yours (or stomped on and trampled through, anyway). It would be nice if he could actually TALK about what happened instead of not saying anything AT ALL about it, but then that wouldn't be very passive-aggressive, now would it?

My, you've had an exciting week. Hope you're weekend has been somewhat recuperative.


B.Fez said...

Count me in with the Documentarians! Write it all out for the GM, and ask to have it put in your file. Not only will it ensure that your side of the story is recorded, but it will help you to sort it all out in your own head. I am currently engaging in this practice to help me make sense of breaking up with my boyfriend last night. *sniff, sigh* It helps get rid of the circular thoughts that increase anxiety...

p.s. Love stinks.