It Finally Happened

Oh holy hell. There's nothing quite like beginning your day with office brouhaha, the center of which you've very nicely planted yourself.

That's right children. You'd better get on back Loretta 'cuz the doodie has done went and hit the fan up in the Cubicle Asylum.

And it's still splattering.

It all began when I walked in Bossman's office to hand him some stuff from the fax machine. After sorting through the papers, he said, "Close the door, have a seat."

I sat down, totally clueless as to what was about to happen. "Mahala, it seems we're not on the same agenda."

"Um.. okay," I answered.. because I'm good with words and stuff.

"You didn't do the Robot Monkey Toe Shortage report this week," he dryly stated. "So I had to do it. You've only been doing the smaller ones."

"Er.. I just didn't do it yet. I've always done it when I got around to it during the week..."

"It is due on Wednesday. It is to be done before you leave on Tuesday. If it's not done, you don't leave at three and you stay until it is completed," he interrupted. Keep in mind, Tuesday is when I go to the noggin doc. Bossman knows this is why I leave on Tuesdays.

I tried to explain, "If it needs to be done by Tuesday, that's fine, I just never realized there was a due..."

He held his palm up towards my face and interrupted again, "Mahala, this is not a two sided conversation. I am explaining to you that I expect the report to be completed by 3 on Tuesday. This is not a discussion."


I was momentarily stunned. Mahala's Brain started to add in her two cents worth, "Ohhh no he dint. Guurrrrl I know he dint just put his hand up IN YO FACE and SHUT YOU UP. Are we taking this? Are we?"

Bossman's lips were moving.. I tried to focus.. "and furthermore, I feel we're not on the same agenda. When I asked when you were taking the rest of your vacation, you told me you'd see what you could come up with. I didn't appreciate that answer." Again with the agenda. "And the other day, I specifically requested that you enter an order for Space Monkey Butt Robotics, Inc and you didn't. At the end of the day when I questioned you, you said it didn't matter, you'd get it in the morning, it would just lay in the production tray until Monday anyway."

Bossman then stopped and glared at me with a crazed look in his eye, his face pulsating like a rabid alien.

"Well, I entered over 20K in orders that day. That order was on the bottom of the pile and I was correct, it wouldn't have mattered when it was entered, by the time you gave it to me, the production staff had already left..."

Bossman raised his hand again, chuckled a little and said, "I suppose I did not make myself clear, you will do as I tell you, when I tell you. This is not a discussion.."

Mahala's Brain was all pissy then. She said, "Mmmm hmmm. He went there. He did it again." Then, Mahala's Brain flipped... THE SWITCH.

It began in my wee baby pinky toes... rising over my feet, up my legs.. I felt it enveloping my body in it's thick, protective cloak.. Mahala's Brain had activated.. THE CRAZY.

It's sort of a blur after that. The words that began to flow from my lips first refered to my vacation time and how the feckin' hell did he expect me to figure out when I was taking 40 hours vacation at the very second he insisted, when he hadn't bothered to inform me of what hours he was going to be off. I also told him I didn't have an "aGENda".. and I may or may not have acutally used "finger quotes".. in his face and as far as I was concerned, the only "aGENda" (yes, again with "finger quotes") I'd seen evidence of from him was to keep everyone unhappy and miserable by his constant stomping up and down the hall pissing and moaning about how gosh darn angry he was and how HIS hours were being cut or whatever else had crawled up his ass that day and by golly he was going to act like a five year old.

Mahala's Brain started to get a little nervous, "Pssst.. Mahala.. you DO realize you're screeching like a banshee, right? You need to ease off, you're gonna get us fired."

But I couldn't. I knew I was screeching, I knew they could probably hear me all the way downtown, but I couldn't stop.

"And another thing.." I wailed, "I don't appreciate working my ass off for the week you're out, only to have you come back pitching a feckin' fit because every little damned thing isn't done. YOU couldn't do it by YOUR self if you had to."

I looked Bossman in the eye. He was VIBRATING with anger. He looked like a ginormous marital aid, shaking in his office chair, his little bald head glowing bright red.

"This. Conversation. Is. Over.," he declared.

I spun on my heel and left his office. I went back to my little cube, shaking pretty good myself. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Awww HELL to the no," Mahala's Brain said, "we are NOT letting that little knuckle dragger see you cry. FLEE!!"

I ran like hell down the hall to the GM's secretary's office and got the door shut right before I started the ugly girl cry. I blubbered for a good thirty minutes about how I knew I was getting fired. The Sec tried to calm me down. She told me I was a fighter, reminded me that I'd been there 14 years vs his 4 and told me not to worry.

Bossman kept his door shut for the remainder of the day. I medicated myself (and Mahala's Brain) and calmed down alot.

I won't lie to you, I'm more than a little concered that I'm in deep doodoo, but I don't regret anything I said. I just wish I hadn't lost my noodle and gone into banshee mode. There are three possible results of today's insanifest:

  1. Nothing. Bossman may just choose to let it go.
  2. I could get written up and recieve a thorough tongue lashing from the GM
  3. Or of course, I could get fired.
I really don't think I'll get fired, but even if I do, I'll manage. I hate losing my cool like that, but honestly? I thought I was doing a damned fine job. I thought I RAWKED at my Sales Ninja skizzles. Apparently Bossman doesn't see it that way. Go figure.

Anywho, I'll keep ya'll posted. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters.