Keep Your Distance

Have ya'll looked at a weather map today? There's a ginormous storm moving over Frog Pond Holler.. it looks like we're gonna get a hellacious gullywasher.

I love storms. I may just have to strip down to my granny panties and frolic, carefree and with wild abandon through the open field behind the plant.

This morning, Lulu and I were greeted by the sound of dying mules in a hail storm joyous singing coming from across the hall. I reckon it's time for Thelma's birthday to roll around again. There were screams of "HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. WE'RE SO GLAD YOU CAME.. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. "something something.. I'm not sure..with lots of stomping and clapping with the beat. The sorrowful braying singing was coming from Louise and the Shipping Hussy with accompaniment by PG.

Immediately following the huge, tacky display of "we don't celebrate birthdays, as long as it's yours," Thelma, birthday girl extraordinaire, went around the office delivering pieces of cake to people's cubes, as if to say "I'm special! Tell me Happy Birthday!"

I just gave her the "Do Not Eff With Me" stink eye and said, "Oh.. no thank you," with a delicate, Queen of All that Exists flip of the wrist.

I'm just so not in the mood for this Romper Room bull caca this morning.

I'm stopped up like someone poured Quikrete all up in my nostrils while I slept. If that's not aggravation enough, Aunt Flo is visiting and she brought her sisters Crampin' LikaMuthaEffer, Wanna WearAMumu and LookitMe WrongAndDie.

Thelma needs to get down on her knees and thank her sweet, blue-eyed, Caucasian Jesus that I didn't shove that birthday cake where the sun don't shine.

Anywho... I guess my cranky bitchitude is showing. I'd better hush now and get to work.

Ya'll have a incredibly fine and dandy day.

Later Taters!