Rants, Vocabulary and Toga Parties

Lawd have mercy ya'll. The Asylum is like an Greyhound Bus station on a holiday weekend this morning. People hollerin' and carrying on up and down the hall like they ain't got good sense.

It's gettin' on my nerves. I'm trying to conduct business here.

The other day, after my post about sex ed here in the holler, some of you expressed concern (and a little doubt) that there were entire populations of women who were unfamiliar with the female anatomy. First, let me assure you that the conversation in question actually did occur, although I'll admit that it may not have been exactly word for word, it was pretty dang close. You can also rest easy knowing that all the women of Frog Pond Holler aren't as orgasmically challenged as Louise and Bubbles and.. truth be told.. the two of them are probably more versed in all things nookie related than they'll let on. Bubbles and Louise both put 95% of their energy in to pretending to be pure and chaste, while they're both in their early thirties, both have two children and have been married in excess of ten years.

How can they proclaim to be perfect Christians, better than everyone else they know, giving them the right to sit in judgement of the general population if they admit to ever having an "urge?"

Now, before someone takes that wrong, let me clarify. I don't harbor any ill will against anyone for their religious (or political) beliefs. Lulu is the most devout person I know and the only person in the holler that I can honestly call friend. It's only when people use their faith as an excuse to treat other people like chit that I get my granny panties in a wad.

And possibly post their embarrassing conversations and pictures on my blog.

*cough*

Dang.. I got all up on that soapbox didn't I?

Sorry.

Some of you also asked what a "gaum" was. That's one of those hillbilly words Lulu taught me. It means "a mess." She also taught me "foddershocks" and "chocolate gravy." I'll leave ya'll to Google those.

In other news, Thelma nearly had a coronary episode this morning when she logged on to her messenger service to find her eldest son, who just recently left for college, had changed his account picture and was now stylin' and profilin' a crisp, white toga.

Louise: "Wut's a toga?"

Thelma: "AIN'T YOU NEVER SEEN ANIMAL HOUSE?????? I'm callin' his daddy right now."

Anywho, I reckon I'd better go make some money for the man. We're getting nastygrams from our corporate office wanting to know what's up with the lack o' saleage.

I'm like.. hello? Ever read a newspaper? Get CNN up in that big city of yours?

Sheesh.

Ya'll have a hellacious Humpday. Hump it like a poodle with an amorous gleam in his eye.