Sex Education in Frog Pond Holler

Lawd have mercy! I've been trying to write this all dang day, but I can't seem to get a break. Ya'll hang on for the ride while I try like hell to share this story that I've been chewing on since I got here this morning.

It all started yesterday, when I finally got out of three hours worth of ass cheek numbing, long winded meetings. I entered the office through the back door, coming around past Bubbles' cubey, just in time to catch a conversation between her and Louise:

Louise: "I seen it in this book, I ain't lyin!"

Bubbles: "I don't know a thing about that stuff and I don't want to know."

Louise: "Don't choo wanna have them organisms like them wimmens on the teevee? I mean.. I'd like fer Manny to git my motor all revved up like that, a'drivin' me to a'moanin' and a' hollerin' and a carryin' on."

I stopped in my tracks, standing quietly just outside Bubbles' cubicle.

Bubbles: "That ain't real. Bubbahubby says only trashy women carry on like that, their eyes rolling back in their heads like somethin' possessed by demons because it makes their men think they're doin' something special and it makes them.. you know.. excited for more s-e-x."

Louise: "No! It's fer real! I seen a picture in this book. It's called the clee-toe-rissis.. or somethin' like that and if they rub it, it gets all hard.. just like a man's.. you know.. rod."

By now, I'm standing just beyond the cubey wall, trying with every ounce of self control I have to not bust out laughing, while a part of me wanted to go have a seat between them, offering a little sex education and anatomy lesson for these two married women.

But then, in the past, when I've said anything to even suggest that I may have had sex before, they act like I'm the whore of Babylon, so what the hell? I decided to just listen.

Louise: "Gimme that pen, here.. see? This here is the verginer and this little knobby thing right here? This is the clee-toe-rissis."

Apparently, Louise was having to draw Bubbles a picture. I may or may not have dug in the trash after everyone left, trying to find the actual drawing.

*cough*

Bubbles: "I don't believe you. Bubbahubby ain't never said a word about any clittorini or nuthin' like that. And he was in the United States Navy, he knows about stuff."

Louise: "Well, you just take this with you and when you git to the house tonight, you show it to Bubbahubby and git him to try it out."

Bubbles: "Ewww.. that's just nasty. That part of your body is not meant to be touched."

Louise: "Hmmph.. that's what you think. I read in this book..."

Bubbles: "Just what kind of smut are you reading?? It didn't come from the library did it??"

Louise: "No.. but I read in this book that sometimes.. (Louise got really quiet) .. they use their mouths.. you know.. THERE."

With that, Louise came strutting out of Bubbles' cubey. I didn't try to hide. I smiled great big right up in her face, causing her to break into a pony trot across the hall back to her office. I had to go outside after that because there was no way I could tactfully contain the snorting, tearing and boisterous laughter that followed.

~*~

The fun continued later when I noticed something different on Bubbles' desk. I waited until the coast was clear, then stealthily leaned over the cubey wall with my camera. When Lulu came by late Friday afternoon to share a little town gossip, she asked, "Is that your phone ringing? I'll come back later."

"Oh no, sit down, take a load off, it's not mine. That's the Dildo Phone," I said.

Lulu gave me an odd look."The wut?"

"Look at Bubbles' desk. I guess she wanted a shoulder rest thingie for her phone, but the company wouldn't buy her one. You know she's got to have everything I have. Bubbahubby must have stolen her one from somewhere."

I think the rubber band is a nice touch.

Anywho, ya'll have a great weekend. We'll talk again real soon.

Later Taters!