Butt Fountains and Jerks

It's been a beautiful Saturday in the holler, a Saturday I wasted by sleeping entirely too much. I blame the allergy drugs. I've been waking up with a sore throat every morning for  a week, plus the Rice Krispie joints have been doing their thing so I haven't been sleeping much.

Whatever, that's my excuse.

I did manage to haul some stuff to the dump and start a load of clothes in the bucket. I needed to get the porch cleaned off, but.. not today.

It's like.. it takes a whole day to get the mayhem of The Asylum out of my system, then Sunday I hit the ground running, but there's too much to get done in one day. I won't get it done tomorrow either. I got a call from Shady Pines yesterday and I'll have to go to Big City to sign some papers for Ma. By the time I stop for a few groceries and hit the hardware store for a few tools for the back porch project, it'll be an all day trip.

I need a level and one of those mini crowbar nail puller thingies.

We've not progressed much on the pallet porch. TA had a gut virus for like a week, with fever and.. as she put it.. the butt fountain. She's finally starting to act normal again. In the mean time, the front yard is piled full of pallets. I'm sure the neighbors are thrilled. I can't wait to see their little turned up noses when we start on the pallet fence.

Things at The Asylum are nuts.. as usual. Twatwaffle has assigned her secretary/HR liaison/part time production worker, to assist me with phone calls and clerical stuff. This is the employee that reads romance novels for most of the day. She's already helping Thelma with production stuff which Thelma can't finish because she's helping me by entering orders.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? We're spread a little thin.

And the Sec.. well.. let's just say she doesn't have a very strong work ethic.

TW says she's going to hire another person for the sales department, not a sales manager. She confided in me that after the last two, she's gun shy about hiring managers. I've stopped giving her my opinion. Ride it out 'til the house is paid for. That's the plan.

Yesterday, I came in a hair of getting in a throw down with The Groper. He came strolling in to the Sec's office, pushed his way in to the conversation, then proceeded to tell me I'd raised TA all wrong and if she was HIS kid, he'd have kicked her out of the house a long time ago. He was all, "When Ryder's 18, he's out."

All I said was, "Ryder lives with his mother in Indiana. Your opinion is invalid."

He rattled on uncomfortably about all manners of my life and how I should live according to his advice for a good 10 minutes before he finally took the hint and meandered away. I don't even remember what me and the Sec were talking about. I think it was about how kids act when they're sick. We were in her office, it's not like we were having a discussion out by the coffee pot.

I just gave him the Mahala-oh-no-you-dint-death stare until he left. The Sec told me she was proud of me. After witnessing other altercations between The Groper and I, she feared having to stuff her delicate ears with assorted office supplies to protect her righteous constitution from the flow of four letter wordy dirties and possible physical threats that would soon follow. And then she confided that she kinda wished I'd broke my foot off in his ass.

Like I give a rat's pattootie what he thinks. Jerk.

In other news...

I've fallen off the meat wagon a few times lately. It started with the spiral ham we got for our Christmas bonus. It seemed silly, in light of our current financial situation, to turn down free food. Also, living in the holler, it's hard to find fresh fruits and veggies. I don't make it to the grocery store every week, or even every payday (it's about 30 minutes across the river and through the woods.. up by Mamaw's house) and there's only so much you can find to eat at the DG. Maybe once we get our little garden up and growing, it'll be easier. Of course, there's also the whole blood sugar thing. A person can only eat so many beans and eggs for protein.

Speaking of eggs, the chickens are all still fat and sassy. Really sassy. Sometimes, they're down right bitchy. It's hilarious. Especially Whoopie and Queen Latifah. I swear their little heads bob side to side when they get all cranked up. Egg production has dropped off completely in the past couple of weeks, along with the freakishly warm fall and winter we've had. It's just now starting to get really cold at night. I don't put them up in their house every night anymore. Their pen is pretty secure (a 10 x 10 x 6 dog lot, covered) and they wouldn't go in at night unless we went out there and physically picked them up and placed them inside. While we are plopped down in the middle of a National Forrest, we are technically in town and I don't worry as much about most predators as I would if were were 5 miles outside of the city limits.

I use the term city tres loosely.

Anywho, it's dark now and as is the way of Mahala, I'm full of spunk. Time to tackle some dishes and dirty delicate under thingies. Can people be naturally nocturnal? I mean, besides Vampires or Werewolves.

By the way, I finally brought my little digi cam in from the truck. I'll charge the battery this weekend, then I can go back to boring thrilling you with mundane pics of my exciting life.

Ya'll have a great weekend. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!