My Dysfunctional Hooha

It's 20° here in Frog Pond Holler but luckily, I'm home, using up that leftover vacation time before the end of the year. Also, I have a spiffy new fake fire log heater in the fireplace, so there's no running out in the cold to find some sticks to use as kindling, nor do I have to use an entire box of fireplace matches, a whole roll of paper towels or three years worth of newspaper to try to get the damned thing lit.

I am thankful.

I spent day one of my time off hauling my hooha to the doctor's office. I didn't want to go, but last week I started having freaky discomfort that I had a lot when I was a kid. Back then, they ran all kinds of tests and I did some time in the hospital while they tried to find the source of my mystery coochie pain. Ma has told me that it started when I was so young that I'd try to pull my diaper off. It wasn't until I was older and able to explain what was going on that they realized why I was so irritable. After many tests and being the subject of a lecture at the medical school where my pediatrician was a professor, it was determined that these nightly episodes were due to an epileptic type brain.. thing.. and I was prescribed nightly phenobarbital until my early teens.

Basically, they drugged me so I'd sleep through the night.

Last week I started having the same discomfort. Not pain, not burning.. it's hard to explain. I figured it would go away on it's own. Then Friday, there was a new development. I was bleeding from somewhere that blood should not be.

Ya'll are just going to have to move along if my over sharing of personal afflictions starts giving you the heeby jeebies.

Anywho, so I went around to Thelma and Peppermint Twatwaffle, asking them intimate questions about UTIs because I've never had one before. Their opinion was that that's all it was. So I made an appointment.

If ya'll remember, Dr. H retired and was replaced by Dr. N, who had a BA in zoology and grew up in South Africa. I liked Dr. N, although I was a little disturbed by the zoology thing. I often joked I was going to the vet.

Well, I saw Dr. N once, then she quit and was replaced by Dr. C, whom I met on Monday.

We do not like Dr. C or her nurse. Her nurse has the bedside manner of a gargoyle while Dr. C. is a giggly little youngun' who rattles on about her pregnancy in between telling me I don't have a UTI, it could be bladder cancer or maybe kidney stones.

I tried to tell her about the crap that happened when I was a kid, but she cut me off and told me she was sending me to a urologist and that they'd probably stick a scope up my girly bits to check for cancer.

I'm glad I took a nerve pill before I went.

So anyway, I've been all over WebMD looking for causes of hematuria, symptoms of bladder cancer, kidney stones and the frequency of hematuria in FMF. I've been convinced for a long time that those childhood episodes were brought on by inflammation from FMF, but I don't know if I ever had any bleeding.

All I know for sure is, nothing is infected.

After I left Dr. Preggers, I went to visit Ma for a while. I can't believe the change in her. She looks younger than she did when she got there, is reasonably happy and normal acting.. AND has a new found love of BINGO. It was a good visit.

I left Shady Pines and rode out to West Big City to buy the heater, which I love, then stopped by Greenlife for some cruelty free hair dye. Which I used. My hair is way dark. I look like Elvira.

Anywho, that's the latest. Oh wait, I forgot something.

While I was in the parking lot at Northern Tool, I was frantically texting Lulu about my hooha developments ( I was trying not to go full on basket case) when she told me that Buster from work had gone to the Wally World out in Tennessee to play Santa for his grandson and low and behold, guess who was working in the toy department?


Which, both delighted me and made me thankful I don't have small children.

So on that note...

Ya'll take care, we'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!


Mahala said...

Oh yeah, and a rash. A rash popped up on my upper arm Friday as well.

Teressa Welch said...

I just hope that, whatever is going on "down there" isn't as scary as it seems.

And Bossholio in the toy department? Really? My brain explodes at the mere thought!

kenju said...

What Teressa said.

A rash too? How mysterious. I hope it is something simple to cure.

Bossholio at Wally world? It's worth a visit just to see that, isn't it?

b.fez said...

I will be sending positive thoughts for the doctor issues... and reflecting on the beauty of Bossholio KARMA! All the hell he put you through is coming right back to him. And so it goes...