Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Hi. I know I've not written in like, 40 some odd years or so, but I have a request. I'm sure The Amazon did all she could with my wish list, but there's one more thing I'd like.

See, I've been experiencing whatcha might call a "dry spell" in the love muffin, snuggle bunny, shnookie bear department. What I'm trying to say is.. I'm getting a little long in the tooth to be cuddlin' up to my one-eyed, lop headed teddy bear.

I'm needin' me a man Santa.

Now, Ma used to say I'd have a man if I weren't so choosey, but I guess you know Ma was kinda in her own little world and while she may have seen and heard a steady stream of menfolk lining up at the door, I ain't seen any 'round here in like.. for freaking EVER.

So Santa, do you think you could maybe hunt me up one of those man critters?

I'm really not that picky, although there are a few deal breakers:
  • Must be male. No exceptions. Nothing against them that swings the other way, it's just not my thing.
  • Must have a few good nookie years left. It's been a long, long time Santa. Help from the little blue pills is fine.
  • Age isn't that important, just keep in mind that I'm getting kind of old and I'm not as flexible as I used to be. Please don't send my anyone The Amazon should be dating. A little older than me is fine, just make sure he's not got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.
  • He doesn't have to be rich, but he's got to have some kind of income. I ain't keeping him up.
  • He has to like animals. Alot. And willing to let the dogs sleep on the bed. Someone willing to help with kitty litter duty is a plus.
  • He can be a meat eater, I can probably even tolerate a hunter, if he at least cleans his own kill and keeps it out of my sight until it's processed down til it looks like it came from the grocery store.
  • He doesn't have to be tall, but I'm not a small woman and I'd prefer someone who's safety will not be compromised while fulfilling their husbandly duties. Also, I'm not really into the cut, muscular look. I like a little squish to my men.
  • Handy would be a plus.
  • Also, I tend to have a thing for musicians, if that helps any.
I reckon if I was much of a catch myself, I wouldn't have to ask for your help, so if he's kinda nearsighted, it might make his life a bit more bearable.

Anywho, while I'm asking, could you please send pick-up truck loads of peace, love and warm fuzzies to all my blogger buddies and Hidden Mahala regulars.. I think some of them could use a little extra this year.

Thanks in advance and Merry Christmas Santa,
Love,

Mahala