Monday, September 03, 2012

Circus Folk and Whispered Answers


Lawrence the Camel
Lawrence the Camel


It's overcast and kinda bleh in Frog Pond Holler today. I've got a ginormous pot of turtle beans on the stove, future veggie burgers, and the washing machine is going full speed. I would lay around and take it easy today,  seeing how it's a holiday and all, but I spent yesterday in a Benedryl induced coma.

Me and The Amazon went to the circus Thursday night, in sorta celebration of her birthday. She brought Boy Wonder along, whom Ayla greeted with a super nut punch, sending him to his knees.

My dogs have no manners.

It was a tiny circus, the kind that smells of popcorn, poop and desperation. It had one tent and a hand full of people who ran around like crazy from selling souvenirs to performing to moving equipment. I think I smiled the whole time I was there. Well, except for when they brought out the snake. I could have lived without that, especially sitting on makeshift bleachers in the dark with grass under my feet.  I managed to get a couple of pictures before my camera battery died. Next time I'll be better prepared.


Circus Horse
Circus Horsey


Saturday I went to visit Ma, stopping at Goodwill on the way. I found some old storage jars, the kind with the metal latchy bit, 2 quart sized, for three dollars a piece. I picked up a few pairs of pants for work too and some postal scales (for a DOLLAR!) not a bad haul.

I've been working, slowly, on getting moved into Ma's old bedroom. I've had a lot of mixed feelings as I go through her things, deciding what to put in storage and what to give away. I worried that I'd go to all this trouble and then she'd get better and they'd send her home.. THEN what would I do? So then, I'd feel guilty hoping she didn't get well enough to come home.. which is kinda screwed up.

I've been really torn through this whole thing.

Earlier in the week, during a particularly emotional time, I sat at my desk and just asked The Universe, God, Big Ernie.. whoever.. to give me some kind of assurance that this was what I needed to be doing.

My head knows it is, it's the rest of me that's having a hard time.

So when I visited Ma on Saturday and as I started to leave she hugged me and said, "Now don't you worry about me. I'm doing a lot better here than I thought I would. It's such a relief to not worry about falling or not being able to get to the bathroom on time. I'm right where I need to be."

So I bawled some more when I got to the truck, because I know someone whispered in her ear and told her I needed to know that.

I get the weepies all the time anymore. I'm wondering if I need to call the Noggin Doc for a tune up.

Anywho...

Bossholio is having surgery on Friday, then he'll be out for at least a week to recover, so his misfortune is a nice little break for me. I didn't bother asking him what kind of surgery he was having, I'm done trying to show the man any compassion or kindness. He obviously doesn't expect it or he'd show a little himself.

I smell the beans cooking, I'd better go check on them. Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


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5 comments:

tiff said...

ask and it shall be given to you - so nice you had a loud and clear answer. :)

BetteJo said...

While I have no idea what turtle beans are .. I do know your ma is in the right place. Even if she hadn't told you so - what a gift that was! I've gone over it in my head a million times - would things have been different if I had kept my mom at home with me? That's just torturing myself. There comes a time when you can't do it all and other arrangements need to be made. That's really all there is to it but boy oh boy we mess ourselves up emotionally over it. You're doing the right thing. Hope you enjoy your turtle beans!

Mahala said...

Yes tiff, it was indeed :)
BetteJo, I know you understand what I've been struggling with. But when you go and see how many people they have in and out taking care of them.. then accept that you're just one person, it helps a bit. I know you and I both did the absolute best we could.. and our Moms know too :)

BetteJo said...

Yep. ((hugs))

Unknown said...

So glad you got the confirmation you needed that your ma is where she needs to be. I'm a big believer in signs like that, especially since my husband died.

I love black beans! I fixed some for Mama & my daughter for lunch one day. Daughter looked at them and said, "I'm sure they taste fine, but they *look* weird". She ate them anyway and liked them well enough.

Take care :)