If Beyonce Names Her Kid Jasmine...

I've been in the throws of my yearly date with THE BLACK PLAGUE OF DEATH  the crud, so I'm feeling a little stabbity and undermedicated.

I can not be held responsible for the inaccuracy of facts or jumbled ramblings that may follow. Ye hath been forewarned-eth.

I missed the VMAs last night. Well, I suppose "missed" isn't the right word. I felt it would be more intellectually stimulating to lie in bed with tissue shoved up my left nostril while staring blankly at the latest LMN movie of the week, riding the wave of Nyquil induced euphoria while toking on a sippy bottle full of Diet Dr. Pepper and my arm shoved elbow deep in box of  reduced-fat Cheezits.

This morning, upon arrival at The Asylum and wasting the first hour checking all the celebrity gossip stories beginning my day, I stumbled across news that Beyonce was preggers. Which is fine, I guess, not that anyone asked my permission or anything. But then, then I read that she said "I want you to feel the love that is growing in side me."

Um. Say what? Is it just me or doesn't that sound just a tad bit creepy? My very first thought when I heard this, was of the character Jasmine from Angel, the series. You remember her, right? She was all "feel the love" but then she turned out to be a creepy hell critter who was really fooling everyone in to following her, when secretly she was devouring their flesh up in her tricked out art deco 1920's style hotel room, but then, what can you expect from someone who is born from the illicit love affair between a barely teenaged uber being born of two vampires, one with a soul and one who sorta coulda mighta had a soul but I'm a little foggy on that detail, but nonetheless was born and aged like 17 years in one while being held captive by some creepy guy in another dimension before being kidnapped/rescued by his REAL dad the smexy vampire Angel and who then had an affair with his smexy dad's assistant who wasn't REALLY her because she had been taken over by a demon herself BEFORE bumping uglies with the teenaged UBER being who's supposed to be like JESUS or something but then the demon/assistant/not really his assistant gives birth to JASMINE which sounds alot LIKE Jesus but not and who ages SUPER FAST and kinda looks like Beyonce who is now SUDDENLY preggers with Jay-Z's spawn.

Jay-Z.. Jasmine.. JESUS.

I rest my case.