It Just Keeps Getting Better

My desk looks like the paper monster barfed all over it. I'd send you a picture of the carnage but Flickr and my Crackberry are having relationship issues.

Maybe I should get them counseling?

After a night of seeing dismembered babies in trash bags, The Amazon was finally able to cajole Ma into going to the E.R. Monday afternoon. I urged her to take her as soon as she got off instead of waiting for me and because I'm STILL waiting for stupid tires, I had to go home after work and let T.A. handle things.

Thank God for her.

Ma was admitted on the verge of kidney failure. She's convinced everyone's trying to hurt her and the last time I checked she was being restrained to stop her from ripping out her IV again. I went to see her last night, but her nurse met me at her door and said, "She is asleep. Please let her sleep."

The nurse looked like she'd been exorcising demons for the past 48 hours.

Ma has a sitter in her room with her, she's being watched because she's repeatedly threatened to kill herself.

Yesterday morning when I called up there, I got a very sweet guy who informed me Ma had experienced severe chest pain when she woke up, had a drop in blood pressure, was given cardiac meds but wasn't out of the woods yet. As I nearly fell out of my chair in the throws of a massive anxiety attack, he said, "I called your brother, he's on his way up here."

"Um.. I don't have a brother," I stated.

"Oh. What's the patient's name again?" So I told him, to which he responded, "Oh my God I am so sorry to scare you like that. Hold on, let me get you her nurse."

That's when I had to take the first half of a batshit crazy emergency pill. I took the other half sometime after Bossholio left to have some tests done. He thinks he had a small stroke over the weekend, so of course he just decided to wait until this week to oh.. I don't know.. SEE A DAMN DOCTOR? It was shortly after he vacated the premises that I called the hospital for an update and learned they had Ma tied down.

I was pretty stoned by the time I left work.

Me and T.A.visited Junior, Thelma's daddy and T.A.'s boss while we were at the hospital last night. We took him his insulin pump to save Thelma a trip up there. It's a long haul to Big City, about an hour to the hospital, depending on how many tractors you get behind or if there are any livestock in the road etc.

You think I'm kidding but seriously, it's like Mayberry on Green Acres crack around here.

I was pretty shaken when we left there, seeing Ma fighting the restraints in her sleep and having the pleasure of talking to Uncle Mullet on the phone, who called while we were there. I'm pretty sure he'll be going on one of his famous seven day drunken binges now.

He's all about the drama and it's all about him.

T.A. bought us TCBY cones on the way home, because that's what us chubby girls do when we have stress. I still had to pop another pill before bed. I said effit and just swallowed a whole one. I finally slept all night, for the first time in over a week.

Anywho... that's the latest. Ya'll have an awesome Humpday. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!