Sarcasm In My Head

It's cold, gray and icky in Frog Pond Holler this morning. Again. I'm starting to wonder if the sun will ever shine again.

I've been doing battle with the black plague of death another snot churnin' cold for the past couple of days. Not quite as bad as the last one, but dang, can't a girl get a break? This winter has been nothing but snow, snot, rain and mud. Normally, I dread the summer heat and welcome the cooler temperatures for as long as they want to hang around, but this year? I've had it.

Me and Sunshine Bossman almost got in to another free-for-all yesterday, but miraculously I kept my cool. I knew he had something up his keister when I got here. He was talking to Thelma about flying in some components to get an order out of here on time. As he turned the pages, his hand shook violently and the top of his bald little head was glowing red, sure fire signs that he's got his coconuts in a wad over something.

I did not, however, realize that the "something" was my screw up.

I was called to his office, where he gave me that stare, the one that makes him look like a Boston Terrier with the roid rage, and said, "There are TWO errors on this order and I feel that I need to bring them to your attention."

In my head I'm chanting to myself, "Do not argue, do not defend yourself, do not try to reason with unreasonable people, do not apologize, DO NOT ENGAGE!" So I answered, "Okay."

He then went on to explain the first mistake, which was really his fault but I didn't bother to point that out. The second mistake was a result of being rushed through the entry process when he promised an order to someone in an unreasonable amount of time, someone who did not have an account, had never ordered from us before, meaning an account would have to be set up, etc. "And now we're having to fly these parts in. Do you understand?"

I wanted to sarcastically say, "Duhhh okay boss. Thank you for explaining to me.. duhhhhh... I'm so stupid."

But that might be considered "having an attitude" so I didn't. I just looked at him and said, "Okay."

You should have seen his face. It was like he was pissed because I wouldn't argue with him. "Well, I just felt that you should be made aware."


And I stood there, looking at his bulging eyes, his throbbity forehead vein and listening to his heavy breathing for a few seconds before finally saying, "We done?"

"Yes Mahala, you may go."

"HEIL HITLER!!!" I shouted.. okay maybe that was just in my head.. before I turned and scurried away to my desk, like a clueless little bunny.

One would think that was the end of it and if we were dealing with rational individuals with average social skills it would be. But we're not. And it wasn't. He came by my office just a couple of minutes later and said, "This filing situation needs to be gotten under control."

"I'm working on it as fast as I can."

"I'm sure you are Mahala," he stated as he rolled his eyes.

Excuse me.. did he just call me.. SLOW??? Did he imply that my "best" was below standard? Does he have a secret wish to feel the full impact of my left foot entering his butt.. sideways?

Part of the reason my filing is behind is that I spent several hours trying to fix his Outlook after the IT guy had to wipe his laptop completely because he clicked on some "totally innocent" links and got loads of porn on his computer.

He's such a horse's patootie.

There's a part of me that wishes Henny Penny would hurry and retire so I could snag that accounting position and go back to work for the Big Headed German, but there's also a part that wants to stay right where I am and make Bossman's life as miserable as possible.

Yeah, I know, that last bit is so wrong.. and honestly.. what  miserable way to spend your day, but my snarky side thinks he needs to come down a peg or two.


I hope ya'll have a humpalicious Humpday. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!

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Anonymous said...

Girl I hope you can make his life a living hell while you are there. Some people so deserve that...Good luck and just keep listening to the voices in your head, they will never tell you wrong.

BetteJo said...

The worst thing for somebody who is itching for a fight - is not to give it to them. Good job!

Aarin said...

have you suggested he get a colonic to remove that stick that must be a diamond by now? no one has the right to give you attitude like that, boss or otherwise. were it me i'd be smudging the hell out of his office to get rid whatever puppeteering demon has made him their personal marionette of doom.

rennratt said...

If he promises a group/person (without an account) something without detailed information, is it your job to jump through fires to make his miracle occur?

I'm just curious.

I have the feeling that I'd place said Miracle BS on his desk (without ordering it) and innocently stating that I was unable to take care of it. When he blew a gasket asking why, I'd solemnly apologize and state that I was "missing the key information" [ highlighted for his reading pleasure] that the company required.

Then I'd offer to take care of it when he gave me the highlighted items. I'd smile sweetly and add, "I'll even stay late if you need me to, Sir."

Yeah. I'd definitely be fired by now. [I do this crap at work all the time. I am known as "Mom the Rule Follower."]

rennratt said...

Uh, that should have been "innocently STATE", not stating. Duh.

Mahala said...

That's exactly what he does. Promises miracles to people on the phone, then expects everyone else to "make it happen." It sounds like you've had bosses just like him!