Opie, Ellie and the Big Secret

Bossman is in the conference room having a three-way... um.. call, so I've got time for a quickie.

My first visit with the noggin doc last night went well. Her office is in a little stucco house with tiny gardens, gargoyle statues and frolicking squirrels. It reminded me of one of those cheesy Thomas Kincade paintings.. with less cheese.

She serves hot tea with her sessions, which take place in facing Victorian, wing backed chairs and a shared stool between them. There is an abundance of tissue at arms reach.

I have a feeling I'll be visiting that little stucco house for a while.

I dropped the Amazon off at the new, ginormous Wally World on the way, a behemoth of a store with four entrances. I had planned to check it out when I returned to pick her up, but I found her sitting in front of the store with her cart full of goodies.

We even got free junk ya'll! From the pharmacy.. I had her get my crazy pills prescription refilled while she was there and they gave her two big water bottles filled with sample sized stuff.

After she got in the truck she told me she ran in to Opie, Lulu's youngin. Everyone down here in the holler swells with pride when they talk about how Opie's got him a job down at that big, new Wal-Mart.

Anywho..

Opie's little girlfriend, Ellie, was hanging out, checking out the festivities (it was Grand Opening day) so Opie introduced her to the Amazon when they ran into each other.

Before I go on, there's something I need to explain. As most of ya'll know, I lie all over the innerwebs use a pen name when I write, mostly just to protect my big butt from buckshot as I drive through Frog Pond Holler. Bubbles' Bubbahubby always brings home something big and hairy when he goes on his yearly Montana hunting trips. I don't want to be next.

I was named after my two grandmothers and for that reason, I'd never consider changing my given names, but I'd just rather not have the middle one be common knowledge. I'm sure it was a fine name, back in the day, but now it conjures up visuals of The Flintstones, 1960's comedic actresses and tiny, old, Jewish women.

Lulu, being family and all, even though she tries to deny it, found out my middle name and has called me by my full name since. I'm not real sure why I let her get away with it, I reckon because I rarely see her outside of work and as long as the information was contained in some way, it wasn't that bad.

Well..

When the Amazon met Ellie down at the Wal-Mart, Opie explained that his mother worked with the Amazon's mother.

"Wait," asked Ellie,"who's your mother?"

"Mahala," the Amazon said as she beamed with pride to be associated with such a goddess-like being said.

"Ohhh Mahala *insert hideous middle name here*?" she asked.

"Oh n-no.. " Opie stuttered, "hush Ellie.. "

The Amazon, filled with good ol' shock and awe said, "Oh. No. You. Dint," as she pointed at Opie. "My mama's gonna kill you!"

"C'mon Ellie.." Opie cried, tugging on her arm, "flee .. flee to Housewares... LIKE THE WIND!!"

As they disappeared among the bath towels and table cloths, Opie could be heard yelling back to the Amazon, "T'weren't me who told.. IT WAS MAMA!!"

The Amazon and I laughed all the way back to the holler. I tried to come in this morning and pretend to be mad, but I couldn't do it with a straight face.

Lulu, by the way, has no recollection of ever telling Ellie my secret. I think Opie just got scared and offered his poor old ma up for sacrifice.

Ain't that just like a youngin?

Anywho...

Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!