With Apologies to Elvis

Thank God it's Monday.

I know you're sitting there scratching your head wondering if I've lost my mind with that statement, but seriously? I was glad to get back to work this morning. I have had a bad case of Bitchy McCranky Pants this weekend and if I'd had to spend one more day wallerin' in Valentine's Day angst, the Poor Pitiful Mes or the My Life May as Well Be Over Because I'll Never Have Anything and I'll Always Be Alone Blues, I'm pretty sure I would have ended up staggering through the streets of town in a drunken stupor, claiming the first snaggle toothed hillbilly I could find as my own.

So yeah.. at least at the Asylum I have plenty to keep my mind occupied and I'm forced to display a minimum of socially acceptable public behavior.

In other news.. and by that I mean other than my ginormous pity party... the Amazon sent me a text while I was surfing etsy.com hard at work on Friday. It said, "I nearly died this morning."

Before I go on, I'd just like to interject here that it's NEVER a good idea to send your mother messages like that. No matter how old you are or how close to actual death you may have been.

So anyway.. I eventually found out that some dude driving a rental truck misjudged the height of the awning around the Pump N' Go, where the Amazon happened to be sitting there watching Spongebob and eating Poptarts hard at work. He managed to first get the truck wedged beneath the awning, then ripped it from the building, damn near popping the window out in the process.

Then? He left. A redneck posse of Silverados and F-150s gave chase, rounding him up and returning him to the station, where a discussion ensued, the scene displaying a stereotypical scattering of denim overalls, Carhart jackets and Skoal caps.

I wasn't there, but I'm pretty sure there was some spittin' in involved.

Anywho.. no one died, the station survived and the city boy driving the Budget Rent-a-Truck left with his own version of Deliverance to tell anyone who'll listen.

It's all good.

And now? I'm gonna go find a radio station to listen to. I love the Oldies Channel, but I just don't think I can handle one more performance of Elvis' "In the Ghetto."

Not today.

Ya'll have a kick ass week. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!