With Apologies to Elvis

Thank God it's Monday.

I know you're sitting there scratching your head wondering if I've lost my mind with that statement, but seriously? I was glad to get back to work this morning. I have had a bad case of Bitchy McCranky Pants this weekend and if I'd had to spend one more day wallerin' in Valentine's Day angst, the Poor Pitiful Mes or the My Life May as Well Be Over Because I'll Never Have Anything and I'll Always Be Alone Blues, I'm pretty sure I would have ended up staggering through the streets of town in a drunken stupor, claiming the first snaggle toothed hillbilly I could find as my own.

So yeah.. at least at the Asylum I have plenty to keep my mind occupied and I'm forced to display a minimum of socially acceptable public behavior.

In other news.. and by that I mean other than my ginormous pity party... the Amazon sent me a text while I was surfing etsy.com hard at work on Friday. It said, "I nearly died this morning."

Before I go on, I'd just like to interject here that it's NEVER a good idea to send your mother messages like that. No matter how old you are or how close to actual death you may have been.

So anyway.. I eventually found out that some dude driving a rental truck misjudged the height of the awning around the Pump N' Go, where the Amazon happened to be sitting there watching Spongebob and eating Poptarts hard at work. He managed to first get the truck wedged beneath the awning, then ripped it from the building, damn near popping the window out in the process.

Then? He left. A redneck posse of Silverados and F-150s gave chase, rounding him up and returning him to the station, where a discussion ensued, the scene displaying a stereotypical scattering of denim overalls, Carhart jackets and Skoal caps.

I wasn't there, but I'm pretty sure there was some spittin' in involved.

Anywho.. no one died, the station survived and the city boy driving the Budget Rent-a-Truck left with his own version of Deliverance to tell anyone who'll listen.

It's all good.

And now? I'm gonna go find a radio station to listen to. I love the Oldies Channel, but I just don't think I can handle one more performance of Elvis' "In the Ghetto."

Not today.

Ya'll have a kick ass week. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


Wildhair said...

Dudette! I'm glad the Amazon is fine.

Did you see our newly married cheatin' heart boyfriend on the Grammys last night? Yeah, CF was so on there and hottin' up the screen with his Scottishyness. Damn it to hell that his beotch of a wife didn't underhandedly snatch him up from under my err your nose. Of all the nerve!

MJ said...

Wish I could say I was happy it was Monday. I don't even remember having a weekend. But kudos to you.

kenju said...

Glad your daughter survived. I hate that Elvis song, too, and it's the only one I hate.

tiff said...

Poor City Boy - he couldn't possibly have known waht he was in for when he chose to run.

Travel said...

Having been down the relationship road a time or two with varying levels of success, let me assure you that there are worse things then being single. Enjoy your independance and privacy. No one (other then kin and the dogs) think they own you. You can roll over and pass gas without someone judging you. You can dress to please yourself and your comfort. These are things to be treasured. Material blongings or the lack thereof are temporary financial conditions, not a measure of our happiness or the wealth of our lives. Live each day fully, enjoy the entertaining things around you like some silly fool driving away with half a country filling station dragging behind a rented truck, that cost nothing and is more entertaining then a $200 a seat Broadway Show. Keep us entertained and you will enjoy yourself. It may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance (as long as it is not to some sad makes me want to jump off a bridge song.)


dg said...

Oh my. Hooray for the Hillbilly Posse!