Bacterial Invasion

And now... back to our regular nonsense.

I'm going to jump right in, so hang on...

Bubbles left early yesterday for a doctor's appointment. I know it was for a raging coochie infection because in the two hours she was here, she had to call Bubbahubby three times. She also called her mother-in-law to inform her of where she'd be, apologizing for not telling her that she had an extreme case of the coochie cooties for the past two weeks, because she didn't want to worry her to death.

During her absence yesterday, Lulu and I debated the origins of her flaming bits. Lulu suspects it's her two-sizes-too-small clothing combined with the fact that to Bubbles, naked is a sin, therefore I doubt her bits ever get the opportunity to air out.

At first, I figured it was the soaking baths she is so quick to tell everyone she takes. For reasons I don't understand, showering is uncommon among the women in the holler. I am often looked upon as a Big City snot, what with my daily showering and shunning of Mr. Bubble.

But now that I've thought about it, I figure Bubbles has probably caught a rare case of goat herpes. She hangs her bloomers out on the clothes line, which extends over the goat pen. You know there's some goat germs getting on her delicate underthings, which she then wears, way too tight and in constant contact with her "business."

I'm just sayin...

This morning, I heard her on the phone with a customer.. named Ed.

"I'm sooooooorry.. I had to leave early yesterday for a doctor's appointment.. They had to prescribe antibiotics.. I have a bacteria.. they're sending it off for testing and said they'll let me know when they get the results... Oh THANK YOU.. I'm in sooo much pain but I couldn't afford to miss any more time... I just hope I make it for the rest of the day..."

Later, as I sat here sipping my coffee, Tiny came strolling down the hall.

"Hey Bubbles, where were you yesterday? I missed you. They said you left. Are you okay?"

"Oh, I just don't know. I had to go to the doctor. I've been suffering in pain for two weeks, but I haven't told anyone because I didn't want to worry them. They said I have bacteria."

"Oohh.. OH.. I see," Tiny said as he realized what she meant. He started to move away, like he wanted to go back up the hall.

"I'm on antibiotics. I'm on a strict diet. I can't have anything to drink but water. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I never knew bacteria was so painful."

"Well.. I'm sorry you're a' feelin' puny. I hope you feel better," he said as he started walking. Bubbles got up from her chair and filed in behind him in the hallway, talking as she went.

"It really hurts.. I don't know if I can make it through the day..."

In fairness, I've not had an infection of that kind since I was a kid, so maybe she is in pain. But seriously? Does she have to keep telling everyone, well.. only the men.. that she's "caught the bacteria" like it's a disease in it's own right? And doesn't she realize that telling everyone that she's got coochie crud that has to be "sent off" for testing, like the CDC is involved or somechit, instills images of fuzzy green growths and sprouting mushrooms on her nether regions?

I'm really trying to fight the urge to peek over the wall and say, "Um Bubbles? Could you keep your nasty, bacterial coochie business to yourself? Because honestly? That's just nasty."

I won't, but I want to.

In other news...

Bossman came by this morning to let me know that after the upcoming three day weekend, the two following weeks will be full time pay.

Yay!

Oh and those of you who are watching the gloom and doom reports on the news, let me share some of what's been going on around here. October was our largest $$$ booking month in 2008 and election day was the single largest day of sales since early summer.

I figure, here in the holler, we've been in a recession for a long time, it's just now trickled up to the rest of the country. Maybe things are starting to swing around and this is where it will be felt first.

We shall see.

Anywho.. for those of you who think I'm unusually cruel to Bubbles, know that when I was in sick and in pain and shared it with her, because I thought she wanted to be friends, she walked over to her desk and called her Bubbahubby, telling him she had been listening to me whine. Then she told him, "There's nothing wrong with her, Mahala just likes to be miserable."

So yeah.

On that note, I'm going to go find the mind bleach to try to erase the image of Bubbles' fungus filled coochie.

Ya'll have an awesome day.

Later Taters!