Anime, Mules and Bikinis

Ever have one of those days when it just seems like everything is out of whack? Dang.. where to begin...

The Amazon has been planning for this year's Animazement in Raleigh since.. well since last year's Asian extravaganza. She's been planning to ride with one of the less dependable of her bestest friends. The trip they've been talking about forever is this Thursday and she just found out from the fore mentioned friend that she won't be going.

The Amazon is not a happy camper. Apparently the hotel room, her ride.. everything was being shared with this person and now it's all gone to crap.

The fruit of my womb is not a happy camper. I wish I had the resources to help her out, but I just don't. It's hard to sit back and watch them try to sort through the muck that is life.... but sometimes you just don't have a choice.

Here at the Asylum, Lulu's acting weird. It's been going on for a while now, but I've not mentioned it, silently praying it was only temporary. Lulu recently lost a chunk of weight and that's cool, I'm happy for her, but she obsesses about it.. constantly.. and acts all.. I dunno.. superior if someone say.. brings doughnuts and you have one. She'll look at you and say, "I'M not eating that JUNK. It's not worth it."

I feel like saying, "Um.. don't then.. I don't remember asking you.. and get out of my grille."

I don't though. I smile and look ashamed that I ate a doughnut that the box salesman brings about once every three months.

There's been other stuff too, stuff that makes me feel like I don't measure up. About two months ago, I was standing at the door to her office, my back to the hall. We were talking, probably gossiping, I don't remember. Lulu's Bubbahubby snuck up behind me and smacked the wall right next to my head, hollerin' in my ear and scaring the chit out of me. This resulted in a string of wordy-dirties spilling from my lips before I realized what was happening. The look of disappointment and distaste that washed over Lulu's face was unmistakable. I apologized to her, repeatedly, to which she responded, "That's fine." She then returned to working as if we hadn't been talking before.

It made me cry ya'll.

She's acted weird ever since. This is part of why I've been on this "to hell with it, I'm just me, deal with it" kick lately.

For the record, Lulu's Bubbahubby cusses like a sailor, but that's okay. He's a man.

Let's see.. what else...

Bubbles, the daily diner bacon and mayo with cheese sandwich slurper, was named the "Chairman" of the Wellness Committee (aka the "we're not far enough in your personal business, so step on these scales and allow us to embarrass you in the workplace" committee.) I know ya'll know it should be "Chairperson," but political correctness is lost in this place. Anywho, they're on some big weightloss competition with one of the other factories now and Bubbles, who expected to stand on the sidelines, is being made to participate.

According to Louise, the GM informed Bubbles that she needed to step up to the plate, not only because she was Wellness Committee Chairman, but because she needed to slim down before she donned her yellow polka dot bikini at the beach this summer.

Allow me to interject that I doubt Bubbles' ample, reubenesque form was ever graced by the likes of any bikini, yellow polka dotted or otherwise. If you'll recall, it was just a few months ago that someone mistook her for being pregnant.. with twins.

Apparently Bubbles didn't take too kindly to these comments and Louise reports that Bubbles' face flushed bright red as the anger welled up inside her. She then smiled through gritted teeth, telling the GM a very obedient "yes sir."

Thankfully, the Good Lord made sure that I did not bear witness to this little exchange because had I been there, I'm sure I would have laughed loudly, braying like an old mule, pissing everyone off and causing a catastrophic brouhaha, resulting in my dismissal.

I heard that Tiny witnessed the entire conversation and upon the GM's exit, Tiny told Bubbles that he wouldn't mind seeing her in a bikini and that he thought she'd look right fine in yellow polka dots. Louise went on to explain how grossed out she was by the two of them pawing all over each other and blah blah blah. She's been trying like hell to get someone.. anyone.. to say something for her to run back to Bubbles with and it's killing her that no one is taking the bait.

Romper Room ain't got nothing on the Asylum ya'll.

Anywho, I reckon I'd better get a move on. Ya'll enjoy the rest of your day.

Later Taters!


terri said...

It's a wonder you maintain any bit of sanity hanging out in the asylum all day. I'd blow a gasket. Things around here are pretty mellow most of the time, except for the girl who hates my wardrobe and insists on bringing me pages torn from sale ads and magazines with the clothing she THINKS I should wear. Good thing she's on vacation this week. I'm *this* close to shoving her little pictures up her... well, you know.

Rachel said...

Those people aren't real and they don't matter. ((((MAHALA)))) Lulu doesn't have any reason to look down on you, honey. So what's a cuss word or two? She's gotta live with an abusive jerk and somewhere down deep she's embarrassed that's the only man she can ever legally sleep with.

Dianne said...

I hate that a place like the Asylum or any of its inmates can mae you feel less than the wonderful person you are.

Funny, smart, an amazing writer, a good heart and well ... all that and more.

I almost felt for Bubbles there - who the hell is anyone to tell an employee they should slim down and then to make it sound sexual!!

Don't get sucked in sweetie!

Listen to us - we're real and we matter. (kudos to rachel)

Travel said...

Long weekend coming up, long weekend coming up! Hang, you will make it.


Joy T. said...

Sounds like Lulu's acting weird because she IS weird! Judging our Mahala. Why I outta....poke her in the eye. I would do it too. All you have to do is ask :o)

BetteJo said...

Oh my gosh. Well when you write your hysterical tell all book and they make a sitcom out of it - they'll see who the smart one is, now won't they?

kenju said...

If your girl can find her way here, she can stay with me.

Aarin said...

aarin to the rescue! mini vs the mountain, all to save you from being raped by caribou.