Holy pickle juice Batman, there's a scandal at the Asylum!

A couple of weeks ago, the powers that be sent around a memo stating that anyone caught with any unauthorized files, software or pictures on their computers would be drawn and quartered.. or at least fired. This sent everyone in to a tizzy, questioning whether the pictures of little precious in her softball uniform being used as wallpaper or emails containing pictures of the Big City flood would be used against them.

We were all paranoid for about a day, until we began talking it out amongst ourselves.

We decided something was either going on or at least suspected and the memo had served as a warning to the suspected parties. I told everyone in earshot that if they wanted to fire me over the Amazon's prom pictures, then they could go for it and speculated that if they wanted rid of you, they'd find a way, whether you broke the rules or not.

Today, it all came to a festering, puss filled head. Here's how it played out:

1. While I was talking to Henny Penny over at the other plant this morning, she let it slip that "the bosses" had copied everything from one of the cubicle dwellers computers on to a disc yesterday. She wouldn't tell me who it was, other than a female, but she did say she had the impression that it had something to do with instant messenger programs.

2. Our GM, who is normally VERY secretive about anything HR related, also happens to be the GM at the other plant. He made a point of stopping right outside my cubicle wall this morning while talking on his cell. He also made a point of saying the name of the person he was talking to (the plant manager over yonder) then telling him they'd be suspending "that employee" for one week without pay.

3. Bossman came by my cube and told Bubbles and myself that the GM had asked him to mention once again, that we should make sure we didn't have anything unauthorized on our computer. I told him I'd heard something happened "over yonder," leading him to imply that something unsavory had been occurring over there.

Could these three things be related? Was there a scandal brewing? There was only one way to find out. I headed across the hall to visit Thelma and Louise because she who answers the switchboard has her finger upon the pulse of any operation. It's also important to remember, when there exists the potential for uber juicy gossip, it's important to put your differences aside, pool your information and band together for the common good.... and stuff.

From Thelma and Louise, I gathered the following:

4. Our HR manager received an urgent call from the GM, from over yonder yesterday afternoon and had to leave suddenly to go over there. She works at both plants.

5. The GM received a call from the HR manager this morning and had to be pulled from the morning meeting. You don't pull the GM from the morning meeting unless someone's died or he hit the lotto.

6. The call from the HR manager was immediately followed by a 40 minute call from the GM at the Big City plant. This was the most unusual little bit of information and in the end, proving to be the most telling.

Oh yeah, something was up. I found an excuse to call Henny Penny again, then gently guided her back to the computer situation. She wouldn't tell me who it was, which means she's been specifically told not to. Normally, she spews forth with way more than you asked.

While I was on the phone with Henny Penny, Louise took it upon herself to call Jasper, one of the more loose lipped of the management staff. Ya'll might remember Jasper, he's the one who nearly caused me to impale my coochie with a white board. Anywho, apparently the entire, sordid tale was told in the morning meeting.

Someone (the girl who's hard drive was copied to disc) over yonder has been having an affair, via computer, using an instant messenger program. We "think" it was with a guy who works at the Big City plant (the plot thickens.) There were days that they were logged on from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. and .... here's the fun part... they were sending nasty nudie pictures back and forth... on their work computers.

Can you imagine going to work knowing your boss had seen your nasty nekkid pics???

I have a feeling there's going to be a job opening over yonder very soon.


Sometimes the Asylum is more fun than General Hospital.


terri said...

Stupid, stupid people! Have they no fear of "big brother" whatsoever? Duh!

Mahala said...

I know! Just the thought of the GM drooling over nekkid pics is enough to make you wanna hurl lol. I predict we'll find out who it was, they have to quit. There's no way anyone could face the office after that.

Law Student Hot Mama said...

That really is stupid. As somebody who has worked at lots of big firms (and who is a law student), I can assure you that you shouldn't email or IM anything at work that you wouldn't mind seeing on the cover of the NYT. Because if your company gets sued, that's where it goes. Litigation has a way of dredging all the filth to the surface!

Dianne said...

Bless their horny nekkid hearts!

Anonymous said...

There is an apropriate time and place for everything, and the office is neither for naked pictures.


tiff said...

Naked pictures...on IM. Amazing.

Don't they know that this is why cell phone cameras were invented?


kenju said...

Hopefully you have less murder and mayhem than General Hospital.....LOL

Meritt said...

I think your office stories the highlight of my dreary days. LOL.

Joy T. said...

Oh I am sooooooo glad I decided to scan all the way down to where I stopped reading before I took a little bloggy break. I swore I wasn't going to comment on every post, but lordy I just have to say this is good juicy gossip. And I don't normally like gossip. But nekkid coworkers are something to definitely take a peek at. Wait a minute. That didn't come out right.

babs said...

man, i work in the most boring place in the world! if there was such good gossip here in my office i might actually make an effort to come in!

too much fun!

BetteJo said...

... I always take a break when the good stuff happens, damn!

I think anybody that stupid deserves to lose their job. I mean really.