Nasty Old Candy and Restless Old Ladies

Oh yay. Monday again.

Ya'll know I've been following the Paul McKenna weight loss philosophy, right? It's going well by the way. I eat what I want (and a lot less), I don't feel deprived and I'm noticing a lot more energy. Whether or not I'll actually lose any weight has yet to be seen, but.. baby steps.

Anywho.. I got to the office this morning and was greeted by a ginormous, plastic ice cream tub full of left over Halloween candy.

"But Mahala, it's nearly APRIL," I hear you saying.

Yes chil'run, I know. The ginormous, over flowing tub o' solidified high fructose corn syrup is brought to us by Bubbles.

Bubbles.. who says she doesn't allow her rugrats to eat candy.

Bubbles.. who says they only stopped at three houses when trick or treating this past Halloween.
Where the hell did all this junk come from then? She already brought three buckets full right after the holiday. Is it even from THIS Halloween?

Lawsy. Moving on..

All of Frog Pond Holler is in an uproar this week. The powers that be have gone and changed the law enforcement frequency for the police scanners, leaving little old ladies all over town in an informational lurch. This has lead to my having to make all nice-nice with Thelma, who's bubbahubby is the one police officer here in the holler.

Ma lives by the scanner. If she doesn't know what's going on, she'll freak.

I'm going to need for that NOT to happen.

I scored one new frequency I didn't have. Let's pray it's enough to appease Ma and her curiosity.

It's over the hills and through the woods, past Mamaw's house and off to the grocery store tonight for my twice monthly hunting and gathering. I'll give ya'll the low down on any cash I save when I report in tomorrow.

In the meantime, ya'll have a good one. Kick this Monday in the ass and show it who's boss.

Later Taters!


Meritt said...

ROTFL... I love the part of this post about Ma and her police scanner. I hadn't given this thought in years... but as the daughter of a cop we lived with the radio above our refrigerator and of course it was always on and of course we constantly heard the chatter of the dispatchers and cops.

Never gave it a thought as it was part of our lifestyle and my Dad (a sergeant) needed to be in the loop.

NOW, as an adult I understand how weird it must have been for visitors and my friends to constantly hear that stupid thing and their codes in the background noise of our home all hours of the day and night. LOL.

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Does she monitor trucker radios, too? You haven't lived until you've listened to live feed big rig . . .

Bubbles sucks. You should anonymously leave a tub of lard on her desk.

Jeni said...

An anonymous tub of lard! LOL
My aunt, bless her heart, used to have a scanner on all the time in her house -so loud you couldn't hear anything else with it on and still couldn't understand what was being said either by the people talking because of the loudness combined with the static, etc. Some things though, you just adjust to I guess and I miss now not being able to go to my aunt's house and hear that noisy scanner in the background too.

DG said...

Omigod - my husband's grandmother has a scanner and listens to it constantly. I didn't know that was a "thing" for lil'ole ladies.

poopie said...

the police scanner thing is truly an icon of southern culture. EVERYBODY wants to know what the bubbahubbies are up to!

Mahala said...


I like the tub o' lard idea.

When a siren is heard going through town, the phone will instantly ring. It will be a neightbor without a scanner asking, "Wur's they a'goin?!?!"

Joy T. said...

I happened to be flicking through the channels last night and saw this Paul McKenna. He was saying "If you crave....." and I was craving chocolate so bad at that point it wasn't even funny. So I did the ridiculous tapping that he was showing. And wouldn't you know it? No more craving!! I was blown away. I've done it today twice already and sound like a freak about it I know, but it really works. This from an unbeliever. Which means I might have to watch him again now.

And I'd comment on the rest of the post but I got carried away with Paul McKenna. I'll just say Ma and the scanner had me cracking up!

Dianne said...

an "informational lurch" did me in and when I recovered the tub of lard comment did me in again.

Melissa said...

I think it is sweet that you will do whatever it takes to keep your mom entertained.