My Southern Charms Challenged


There are five newspaper boxes in Frog Pond Holler and on Sunday morning, they empty out fast. For years I've gotten up early on Sunday, gotten dressed and headed out with my six quarters, hoping to score a thick Sunday paper, oozing with coupons and Big City sales. I border on obsessive, opening the sale paper for the ONE grocery store in the county and my two coupon caddy thingies (one for food, one for everything else,) spreading them out on the kitchen table, comparing and calculating for the best deals. It works, if you're careful not to get sucked in to spending more than you should by buying things you wouldn't normally purchase.

This past week I saved $21.00 in coupons, not too shabby.

With the winter temperatures, it's been harder to force myself out of bed at the butt crack of dawn, get dressed, defrost the truck and head to town... all before I've had my coffee. Adding insult to injury, I've missed out on getting one for the past two weeks.

Sunday papers are a hot commodity here in the holler ya'll.

This week, I decided to bite the bullet and get a Sunday subscription to the Big City paper. It costs a little more, but I figured it was worth it, considering how much I can save. I went online and signed up, I got the little confirmation email and looked forward all week to being able to lounge around in my birthday suit all morning, sipping coffee and basking in well deserved laziness.

After crawling out of bed way too early (apparently I forgot to explain to my four-legged roomates that we were sleeping in today,) making coffee and checking the computer, I found a lovely "WELCOME" email from the Big City paper.

"Your subscription begins today! Watch for those money saving deals, stories from Big City and the Sunday Funnies!"

Hot damn!

I slipped into my black, spanish flaired mumu, (hey.. it's comfy.. don't judge my fashion sense!) slipped on my clogs and headed out the front door, giddy with anticipation. I looked on the porch, in the driveway, on the sidewalk and the bed of the truck.

No paper.

I checked the email again, making sure it had today's date. It said, "If you don't receive your paper or you have any questions, give us a call!"

Oooookay.

So I called and got someone's voice mail. I wanted to say, "Where's my goshdarnmutherfreakin newspaper???" but I didn't. I politely left my name and address.

An hour and a half ago.

I still don't have a paper and it's WAY too late to get one in town.

So if you're a watchin' the CNN this afternoon and you see video of a crazed, middle aged, chubby chick in a black mumu racing through Frog Pond Holler, ramming all the newspaper boxes in town with her big, white 4x4, send bail money.

And valium.

And coupons.

Later Taters!