Five Ways to Know You're in the South

1. "I got behind a tractor," and "Cletus' cows were in the road," are legitimate excuses for showing up late for work.

2. The bank and the post office close at noon on Wednesdays (that's church night ya'll.)

3. You're asked, "You wanna poke?" when you stop at a roadside vegatable stand. (I got all excited the first time this happened to me. Imagine my disapointment when I discovered "poke" meant "bag.")

4. At a wedding reception you overhear a guest say, "After third it don't matter no way." You later discover they were talking about the bride and groom, refering to what degree of cousin they were.

5. You always know you're fixin' to hear some real juicy gossip when the person's name is imediately followed by, "Bless her heart." "Thelma, bless her heart, has the worst mullet I've ever seen!"