Five Ways to Know You're in the South


1. "I got behind a tractor," and "Cletus' cows were in the road," are legitimate excuses for showing up late for work.

2. The bank and the post office close at noon on Wednesdays (that's church night ya'll.)

3. You're asked, "You wanna poke?" when you stop at a roadside vegatable stand. (I got all excited the first time this happened to me. Imagine my disapointment when I discovered "poke" meant "bag.")

4. At a wedding reception you overhear a guest say, "After third it don't matter no way." You later discover they were talking about the bride and groom, refering to what degree of cousin they were.

5. You always know you're fixin' to hear some real juicy gossip when the person's name is imediately followed by, "Bless her heart." "Thelma, bless her heart, has the worst mullet I've ever seen!"

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for putting a smile on my face. This week has sucked ! TGIF and have a great weekend Dolp!

Mahala said...

This week has been pretty sucky for me too. TGIF girlfriend :)

Dianne said...

I add to the TGIF chorus. What a week!

In Brooklyn they also say "Bless her heart" but they add an expletive in for emphasis.

Ahhh - bless my F'in heart!

Mahala said...

I'd probably opt for that version of the phrase myself, 'cept if I used the f-bomb in Frog Pond Holler, Bubbles would have to call an emergency prayer meeting.

kenju said...

LOL......my mom used to say bless her pea-pickin' heart (like Tennessee Ernie Ford).

Mahala said...

OMG I loved him! Did you ever see the "I Love Lucy" episodes he did? They're my all time favorites.

Anonymous said...

Friday, how can it be Friday all ready?

DG

Mahala said...

LOL DG, surely your week hasn't been that great???? Do tell!

AC said...

Poke can mean sallet too. I'd always rather have the bag than the sallet.

Mahala said...

Ohhh you mean like the Poke sallet that grows by the road?

DG said...

"Bless her heart" is Southern code for "bee-yotch".

Mahala said...

LOL!

bobbie said...

My mom never used naughty words. But when she was gossiping about someone she would say quietly aside, "She was no better than she should have been, you know." But it meant the same thing.

Mahala said...

Awww :) Another thing you hear alot around here is people who say, "Now I don't mean to be a'talkin' bout nobody.. but.."

Jeni said...

Hah! In central Pennsylvania - or at least this part and much of it here -the banks and even some of the stores "in town" -meaning the two-bit town about 12 miles from here - still close at noon on Wednesday. Used to be, back when I was a kid, that virtually EVERYTHING except the two general stores that existed then in the village, ALL closed up at noon on Wednesday. Time for their mid-week siestas I guess. Now, it's a guessing game which places still do that, which ones now keep regular hours cause sometimes they seem to flip-flop back and forth every now and again too! Is that anyway to run a business? And then they bitch about Walmart coming in and taking their business while Walmart is open 24/7 almost every single day of the year! Go figure.

Mahala said...

When we first moved here, I worked as a bank teller in Scary Hillbilly Town. It took me forever to get used to the bank, the post office and most of the stores being closed at noon on Wednesday.

Editor @ the "Dew" said...

Love the photo! You know I'm a sucker for a good cow shot. I just made it my desktop photo - I can only imagine what people at my new job will think. :)

My best excuse was when my car got blocked by a DEAD cow in the middle of the road. Never did find out what happened to it.

Mahala said...

Ewww.. I bet that was foul lol. I've been (mentally) working on a new cow themed template. I've not been happy with any I've had since I deleted the old blog, way back when. This one just looks like a hot mess lol.

Tori Lennox said...

Wow. I had no idea our Southern small town was so progressive! I'm pretty sure the banks and post office stay open later than noon on Wednesdays!

Mahala said...

OOooo a metropolis!!

terri said...

I love that "bless her/his heart" disclaimer. It allows you to say anything you want and it's ok, as long as you add the disclaimer.

poopie said...

I've got poke growing in my YARD, bless my heart.

Mahala said...

I think I do too poopie... I'm not 100% clear which weed is poke salad lol.

That's one of the first things I learned when we moved here terri lol.

Rachel said...

roflmao...oh mahala i can always count on you to brighten my day!

Mahala said...

Aww thanks rachel!

BetteJo said...

I love the bless her heart thing, so true!

Bah said...

I've always been taught that you could say anything you wanted about a person as long as you ended it with, "...bless her/his heart", and shake your head a little like whoever you were talking about is a poor, simple thing.

I love being Southern. We come up with the sneakiest ways to be bitches. :-)

Mahala said...

Lol Bettejo, after a while it just roooolllls off your tongue lol.

Amen Bah lol.

Travel said...

How can it be Saturday all ready, yes the week was that bad, my assistant was off jet-setting (Mexico this week - she is married to an airline pilot) so I did both jobs for three days. I like the new look. I am off to see mom and dad for a week. Talk to youall when I get back.

DG

blondie said...

Have you ever heard the interrupting cow joke?

"Knock knock"
"who's there?"
"Interrupting cow"
"Interrupting c---"
"MOOOOOOOOOO!"
--ow"

It's better told aloud, but it's hysterical.

Mahala said...

Hey DG :) Good luck with mom and dad. I'll be looking forward to your return :)

LOL blondie! I tried it on the Amazon, but she'd heard it. She was amazed that I never had. I'll have to try it out on Lulu Monday morning.

cathy said...

suddenly the expression "pig in a poke" makes sense to me!