Lizzy, Bless Her Heart

Years ago the Cubicle Asylum was a little different that it is today. I worked in accounting, doing AR and payroll, we had a strict dress code and there were rules against hollerin' up and down the hall and wearing goat poop stained pink crocs to work. Back then, we even had a receptionist at the front desk, who was eventually replaced by an automated phone system.

Lizzy was the last person to call the front desk home. When she came to work here, she had to be gently reminded not to use words like "you'uns" and "ain't" when talking on the phone. She had a tendency to be loud at times and was called down repeatedly for throwing little hissy fits when things didn't go her way. To put it kindly, one could say that Lizzy was a little rough around the edges.

Lizzy tried hard to, as we say down here, "rise above her raisin's." She worked hard, dressed nice and was dependable, but bless her heart, there was just something about her you couldn't hide with Maybelline and "business casual" dresses from J.C. Penney.

It wasn't long before the whispers began. Lizzy had been married before and had two small children who were rumored to be wild and without any trace of manners. Her former husband was at least forty years her senior.. but they weren't divorced.

They said she'd killed her first husband in a fit of unbridled rage. They said it was self defense.

Lizzy soon found a new husband and left her job here at the Asylum. It was said that the new one was even older than the dead one and a few years ago, she left the older one for an even older one.

Me and Lizzy didn't really hit it off while she was here, she made no bones about the fact that she didn't much care for me at all.

Just for the record, the fact that this company is so willing to hire crazy people, makes me feel a little better about the fact that I had to apply three different times and practically beg for an interview. Just sayin'.....

Anywho, ya'll might be wonderin' why I'm telling ya'll about Lizzy. Well you see... yesterday I found out that Lizzy has a new job.

She's the newspaper carrier for Frog Pond Holler.

Have Mercy.

17 comments:

terri said...

Lizzy didn't like you? She must be crazy. What's not to like?

Mahala said...

Awww.. that's sweet terri :)

Dianne said...

and we come full circle.

Mahala said...

*snort*

DG said...

Oh sh!t. You are SO going to have to deal with bad karma. Uh oh.

Honeysuckle Rose said...

ROFL that explains it!

Mahala said...

No kidding dg!!

Le rose.. you have no idea lol.

Mahala said...

No kidding dg!!

Le rose.. you have no idea lol.

Lisa said...

Good Lord! Wasn't the post office hiring?

Rachel said...

*snort* expect that you'll never be able to read a multi-page article...kiss your coupons goodbye!

Mahala said...

LOL Lisa! I reckon not!

OMG nooo.. I need my coupons lol.

kenju said...

See? I thought you'd be unhappy when you found out about the delivery person. Instant karma, Mahala! I'll pray for ya'.

Jeni said...

When you said to guess where Lizzie is now working my first thought was "Oh no, she got the county or state job you'd applied for and been turned down." But the newspaper carrier -it took a second or two before that registered then and that probably wasn't a good mix there -you wanting that Sunday paper delivered and her being the agent doing that!
Of course, if she refuses to deliver your paper, it's not going to be your fanny that suffers from lack of employment then, is it?

BetteJo said...

Don't think that little 'bless her heart' comment slipped by! That alone made me laugh!

AC said...

Dear Lord, you won't get your coupons or the tv guide.

Anonymous said...

Merciful Jeebus. I miss the South... characters and all. Well, that explains your paper troubles.

poopie said...

*snort* I shoulda seen that one coming!