Bubbles, Babs and Why I'm a Little Nuts

Everyone's all freaked out by the weather reports here in the holler this morning. We're under another winter advisory/watch/warning.... something.... I'm not real worried about it.

Anywho, here's the dirt on the whole Bubbles fiasco, as promised.

First, a Readers Digest Condensed version recap:

Bubbles started working here at the asylum about two weeks after I did, twelve years ago. She was our receptionist for six months before moving to the sales department, where she stayed until she became pregnant with her second child, Precious the Younger. Back then, Bubbles would hide in my office (in accounting) and we'd have long discussions about spirituality, religion and new agey stuff. She could be a little over the top sometimes, but I trusted her and regrettably told her a lot of things about my past that I now wish I hadn't.

Fast forward to about two years ago. I had moved to sales, the manager had quit, they'd hired Bossman to take his place and I was on my second co-worker, Babs. I didn't know what I was doing, I'd had very little training and I was having to figure stuff out as I went along. Rumors had been circulating about how Babs had recently gotten out of the "nervous hospital," having been committed after being found naked in a briar patch at the side of the road, stoned out of her mind.

I only had to work with her a few days to realize it was probably true. She was one wacky chicklet.

Bubbles began calling me a few times a week during this time. All she talked about was how broke they were. She'd been out of work for a while and had tired of babysitting, being stuck at home with a houseful of kids all day. She said she had to get back to work, they didn't have money to pay their bills, Bubbahubby was working two jobs and they were living on "Special Today" hot dogs. I felt so bad for her.

Seemingly out of the blue, our GM started telling me to call Bubbles at home if I had any problems I couldn't sort out. I thought this was odd, she'd not been an employee her for three years. Draw your own conclusions.

Soon, they started having Bubbles come in one day a week to help out. We were super busy and neither me or Babs had a clue what we were doing, so although it was odd, I welcomed the help.

Babs was fired about two weeks later. She hadn't bothered to show up or call one time too many and Bossman couldn't take anymore. He gave her the axe.

Bubbles started the next day.

I was excited at first, but it didn't last long. There was something different about her, something I couldn't quite pin down. I sat in shock as I listened to her talk to customers on the phone like a 1-900 operator. I'm no prude, but it embarrassed the hell out of me the way she went on.

Slowly things started to become more clear. I over heard her telling a customer that she'd been calling the GM for three months before she was rehired, telling him she was ready to come back to work.

And the nasty rumor about Babs, the briar patch and the psychiatric hospital? Louise let it slip that it was Bubbles who had called her with the story as soon as she found out Babs was hired. Bubbles' Bubbahubby was the paramedic on duty the night it happened.

Do you think the hospitial might frown upon his wife telling patient information all over town?

Soon after she came back to work, Bubbles and Bubbahubby paid off their house, bought a 30K camper/trailer/RV thing (which was driven into the side of a barn 24 hours after they got it home.. What comes around... ) and a brand new Jeep Commander.

I can promise ya'll, they weren't suddenly able to afford these things because Bubbles came back to work here.

Does this sound like people who are living in poverty, eating "throw back" meat and scratch and dent mark down cans of tuna?

She's a liar. She'll readily admit she is and laugh about it. She says she "kain't hep it," all while she's smiling and giggling to your face.

When we got our dog, Sammy, it was because Bubbles had called me and said Bubbahubby's partner had one last puppy to get rid of. She told me she had to get it out of there, that he abused the mother dog and left this poor pup locked outside without any shelter. She said she was afraid if she didn't find it a home, he'd drown it. Of course, I told her to bring him to me.

Three years later, I mention something about Bubbahubby's partner being a dog beater. Apparently Bubbles forgot the lies she'd told me before and said that man treated his dog like a baby.

Who knows which story is true?

When she opens her mouth, I have no idea if what's coming out is the truth or a lie. I relay all of this here, because sometimes, when I tell Bubbles stories, I feel like I'm the bad guy, that I'm being unreasonable. I felt like I needed to justify myself.

Maybe I have.. I dunno. I do feel better.

Ya'll have a good one and I'll let ya know if it snows a-hole deep here in the holler overnight.

Later Taters