Snaggle Teeth, White Stuff and Coupon Clippin'

Happy New Year ya'll!

Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Following is the National Weather Center forecast for the Frog Pond Holler area:

A WINTER STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 PM EST WEDNESDAY.

SCATTERED SNOW SHOWERS WILL DEVELOP ACROSS THE NORTH CAROLINA MOUNTAINS THIS AFTERNOON...INCREASING IN COVERAGE AND INTENSITY TONIGHT. STORM TOTAL SNOWFALL AMOUNTS OF 4 TO 8 INCHES ARE EXPECTED...ESPECIALLY IN THE HIGHER ELEVATIONS AND ON NORTHWEST FACING SLOPES...BY MIDDAY WEDNESDAY. SOME LOCALIZED AMOUNTS AROUND A FOOT WILL ALSO BE POSSIBLE AT THE HIGHEST PEAKS NEAR THE TENNESSEE LINE. STRONG NORTHWEST WINDS OF 25 TO 35 MPH WILL DEVELOP BY THIS EVENING...WITH SOME GUSTS TO 50 MPH POSSIBLE OVERNIGHT.

THE HEAVY SNOW AND GUSTY WINDS WILL CREATE CONSIDERABLE BLOWING SNOW AND COULD REDUCE VISIBILITY TO LESS THAN 1/4 MILE AT TIMES. TEMPERATURES FALLING TO THE TEENS...AND SINGLE DIGITS IN SOME LOCATIONS...WILL COMBINE WITH THE WINDS TO PRODUCE WIND CHILL VALUES BETWEEN ZERO AND 10 BELOW OVERNIGHT.

It's gonna be colder than a well digger's butt! All just in time for me to waller up into Jolene's cab tomorrow and head back to the Asylum. Never let it be said that Mother Nature doesn't have a sense of humor.

Yesterday I had to visit the Asylum to pick up my paycheck, we were out of toilet paper, I couldn't put it off until tomorrow. I stopped halfway down the hill as I was leaving and spotted Lulu out for her daily walk. We got caught up on the latest around town and around the office. Louise is back from her hand surgery and yacking so loud that Lulu had to shut her office door. Bubbles was in Louise's office a'hootin' and a'hollerin' like she was at a barn dance. I so don't want to put up with that nonsense tomorrow, but I'll get through it with the knowledge that I will find another job. One that pays decent and will allow me the simple pleasures of things like getting my nails done. I loves me some hookerlicious pornstarrific ho-nails.

After catching up with Lulu, I coasted down to the bank. I'd sat running my mouth until I'd damned near run out of gas. Jolene has a healthy appetite. I did my banking, said a small prayer in hopes of making it to the gas station then almost filled the tank (gas is high ya'll) while kissing up to the Amazon's new boss, who happens to be Thelma's daddy.

A little brown nosing never hurt anyone, as long as you don't over do it.

Fueled up and no longer completely broke, I headed out over the mountain to the neighboring town. I had to put the Amazon's check in the bank out there, Miss Moneybags has two accounts. I stopped at my aunt's house on the way. She's daddy's sister and I don't get to see her much, it's a little uncomfortable sometimes, but I had an urge. She wasn't home, but I'm sure their holler was a'buzz over the strange truck in her driveway. No doubt she got an earful when she got back home.

As I passed the Exon station up on the little oasis of civilation surrounding the grocery store and saw that the parking lot was packed with 4x4s and SUVs, it dawned on me that I'd picked a bad time to run out of toilet paper. The weather man had said the "S" word. I knew the one supermarket in Hee-Haw county was going to be insane.

I wasn't wrong.

I barely made it out of there alive, nearly being crushed to death by the shopping carts of snaggle toothed little hill dwellers who only come down off the highest peaks when they get their welfare checks or someone says "snow." I don't shop like normal people. I have not one, but TWO coupon thingies and most of what I buy is on sale and I have a coupon for it. Normally I have the Amazon with me, my little coupon wrangler, but she was working so I had to go solo. It's not easy to keep a running tab of how much you've spent in your head while also doing complicated mathematical calculations. Like, if the large size is four for ten dollars and I have a coupon for a dollar off two, how much are they each and is it really cheaper for me to buy four of the smaller size, not on sale and use the coupon? Sometimes the smaller one is cheaper, grocery stores are tricky.

I did make it out alive, obviously and did enough hunting and gathering to last us at least a week and a half, hopefully two. Feeding three adults on around $150 for two weeks takes talent and I pride myself on my creative shopping strategies.

The snow has started falling outside, just flurries for now. The original forecast was for 4-6 inches, then 4-7, now 4-8. There's no telling what we'll end up with. You can be sure there'll be pictures if and when it comes. Ya'll stay tuned.

Later Taters!