You Know It's Going to be a Bad Day When...

I went to bed last night leaving the Amazon in charge of the DVR. This is heavy stuff ya'll, I don't take the Fergburger recording duties lightly. Although I had faith in the fruit of my womb, I set the timer, then went over the instructions, just in case.

"Set the sleep timer on the t.v. and turn the volume way down with the little remote, then before you go to bed, turn the power off on the DVR with the white remote, so it can come back on to record. Do not turn the t.v. off. Be sure that you set the sleep timer on the t.v. for two hours, but you have to wait until 11:35, because the max you can set it for is two hours and the Late Late Show doesn't go off until 1:35. When you turn the power off on the DVR, there should be a little red thingie doodle flashing, indicating that the timer is set. If this doesn't happen, holler and I'll come fix it. Have you got all that?"

"Jeeze yes," followed by that omgdoyouthinki'mstupid heavy sigh.

I went to bed with complete faith that the Amazon could carry out her mission.

I staggered out of bed this morning, wobbled down the hall and maneuvered myself in to the shower. (Doesn't that paint a picture of pure sex appeal?) With my wonky joints, there's alot of staggering and wobbling first thing in the morning. I survived the shower, made coffee then kicked back with the remotes. We have three, one for the satellite, one for the t.v. and one for the DVR. Universal remotes are an urban myth.

Anywho, I waited for the disc to load and got myself situated, expecting to hear the theme song any second. Instead, the first thing I saw was not the butt wiggling cockiness of my favorite Scottish import, but a chubby bald man inserting something not fit for human consumption between his lips, slurping it down with such glee that his eyes were rolling back in his head.

What the hell?

That's when I noticed the little "Food Network" icon in the lower right corner of the screen.

Dang. It didn't occur to me to tell her she'd have to change the channel.

My day kind of went downhill after that. Bossman had another meltdown after the morning meeting, then stormed out for a bit. I thought he was walking out, quitting his job in a huff. But he came back a few minutes later. Then, when I asked him about a certain order, I was instructed to close the door and have a seat. No conversation beginning that way ever amounts to anything positive. I was relieved to realize that he just needed to vent and that I wasn't getting fired.

After I spent a good half hour in Bossman's office with the door closed and I didn't come out crying, I reckon Bubbles must have assumed that I was back there talking about her. This lead to another one of her little passive aggressive outbursts, which Lulu and I have become so accustomed to that instead of getting our feathers ruffled, we giggled hysterically.

Never giggle at a crazy person immediately following an "episode." They don't like it and will not be amused. Just take my word on this one.

So anyway, I'm heading to bed. Ya'll have a butt kickin' day tomorrow.