My Day So Far

Aside from a little hip pain this morning, I got up in a pretty good mood. As I put my week old Thermos in my duffel bag along with some oatmeal and a fruit cup, I was in good spirits. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror which hangs by the entrance as I left for the day. That new hair cut was working wonders.

It was going to be a good day.

I waddled over to the hippy van and hopped in. I turned the key in the ignition and it fired right up. I pulled the door closed.. there was something weird in the way it felt when the door shut. Maybe it was just my imagination or my inability to accept that I was going to have a good Monday.

I bebopped on to work, parked the hippy van next to Lulu, leaped out.. anxious to start my day (okay maybe I'm laying it on a little thick...), closed the door and....

Ut oh.

It bounced back open. I tried to close it again, thinking maybe I just needed to slam it harder, but no. Crap. I dropped my duffel and went around to the other side.. crawled in and tried closing it from the inside. I mean, it closed when I left home ok.

Still no luck. By now my mind is racing over how much is it going to cost to get fixed, how much money do I have left to last until payday, how am I going to take it anywhere and leave it, I have to go get the Amazon in a couple of weeks, the van has GOT to last two more trips to G'boro...

I grabbed my things and stomped up the steps into the office, grumbling and cussing under my breath, ready to pop a major artery. I got settled, turned my computer on, grabbed my coffee cup and reached in my duffel bag for my Thermos. I was startled to find that it had leaked all over my oatmeal bowl, all over my little purse.. everything. I must not have put the top on it tight enough...

When I sat it on my desk so that I could dig around for some paper towels, I heard the tell-tale sound of a gazillion pieces of broken glass. I had shattered my week old Thermos.. apparently when I dropped my bag in the parking lot.

I rested my forehead on the edge of my desk, still gripping the now useless Thermos.. on the verge of tears. I tried to get myself together, but I just didn't see the point. I tossed my new bottle of broken glass in the trash, took a deep breath and ran my morning reports.. it took three tries before I ran them with the correct date. I gave in and drank office swamp water since I didn't have any coffee of my own.

Right before lunch, one of our Canadian customers called. I screwed one of his orders all up and now it's going to be a major big stinking deal to fix it. I gave up on trying to sort it out and left for lunch, driving down the road with the window down and holding the door closed, because it won't close AT ALL now. I pulled in to the local market parking lot, gripping the door, when friggen METHUSELAH teetered out from NOWHERE and directly in front of the van. I swerved to miss him, yet he noticed me at the same instant and changed direction, teetering back into the path of the hippy van.

I'm gonna need for some people to keep their senile old grandpappies out of the gawd derned store parking lot during my lunch break.

I managed to park without killing Methuselah.. why was he just STANDING in the middle of the store parking lot???? I made my way into the store and for the life of me, could not remember what I went in there for. I still don't know. I left, head hung low, embarrassed that I had no FARKING CLUE why I was in there in the first place. I came home, turned into the driveway where I found a headless gift of carnage, the size of a small dog, compliments of the cat. I think it was a young possum, but I can't be sure.. since it had NO HEAD.

It's only noon-ish. I'm afraid.