Rumors of My Death Are Grossly Exaggerated

Hello innerwebs. Let's jump right in, shall we?

I'm posting from the Frog Pond Holler library, of which T.A. is the Saturday desk person thingie. Our innerwebs has been cut off due to a lack of funds, which explains my extended absence. There's no way to catch ya'll up on everything going on, so I'll do my best to give you the Reader's Digest Condensed version, beginning with.....

The Cubicle Asylum - Peppermint Twatwaffle continues her reign as General Manager. We've been without a sales manager since April 1st and I guess it goes without saying that I've been working my booty to the booty bone. Without anyone at the helm, Twatwaffle, who has never worked in  sales, has been stepping in and going on sales calls and penning the occasional email to our reps. Twatwaffle always copies me on her cominques, which are filled with misspellings, improper grammar and misuse of capitalization. She borders on illiterate. I wish I was exaggerating.

In the past month and a half, we've had ONE person actually apply and show up for an interview. He drove three-fourths of the way to the holler, realized that the middle of nowhere was an understatement, called Twatwaffle and said, "No thanks." I figured they were getting pretty desperate, so after considering my knowledge of the product, our process and the fact that I'm already doing most of the job... for $12 and hour.. it would be a prime time to put my hat in the ring. That was some weeks ago. I haven't heard a word since. I've been doing my sales ninja best, putting in to practice things I've been suggesting to the past two sales managers for years and sales are nearly double what they were this time last year. The only "progress" that's been made concerning my resume' submittal, is that every day I catch TW hunched up whispering with someone else from the office staff, who then suddenly stops talking and gives me the sideways hairy eyeball until I get out of range.

Her ninja skills suck.

They did hire one of our reps for the position, but he was still employed by his former company, planning to play both sides of the fence. He didn't make it 24 hours. There was much drama, including his calling the CEO to complain about me. Luckily, Big G knows me and knows it was all bullshit.

There was an opening listed at a manufacturing facility over on the outskirts of Big City, doing my regular job, with a starting pay of $28K to $30K. I sent a resume' to them as well. As of today, I owe a whopping $170 on my truck, once that's paid off, the extra I'd spend on gas would be taken care of by the extra $300 a month. 

Fingers crossed.

The Critters - The chickens are still growing, but I've got until around August before they should start laying. We're down to five, Ayla got froggy and got in the pen and killed Buffy.

Speaking of Ayla, it's summer in the holler, so she's staying in the house, close to the AC as much as possible. Sammy is going blind and his hips are bothering him more and more, but he's still able to get up and down the steps on his own. He doesn't volunteer to go outside, you have to insist, several times, but he goes. Yoda doesn't know WTF to think of the chickens and stands outside and alternately barks and whines until he's hoarse if you let him. We still have the bunnies, they're still no sharing quarters, but the bunny area has turned in to a clusterfuck and needs to be redone. It's on my list.

Around the House - With no Netflix or Hulu, we've been watching a lot of DVDs. I've watched the entire Dinosaurs series several times and Season 5 of Supernatural until I can quote most of the dialog. It'll probably be August before I can get the webs back on, sooner if I can get a decent job.

I wasn't able to get the garden in this year, due to a bout of Hamthrax that lasted the entire month of May. It began with a bug, but then our neighbors decided to burn off an entire feckin' acre, sending the smoke straight down off the hill to my yard. It was raining giant ashes for weeks. I've also had a  dump truck parked in my yard for a while, apparently my neighbors do not understand the whole property line concept.

So anyway, that's pretty much the state of things in my life. I plan to post more often, dropping my clothes off at the laundromat then sitting at the library while they wash seems to work out pretty well. Plus, being the mom of the librarian means she'll hide my loaner laptop behind the desk while I run to put them in the dryer.

Everything pretty much sucks right now, but then, that's normal I guess.

There's a big music festival in town this weekend, but I think after I get my clothes out of the dryer, I'm going to go home and watch The Hobbits DVD. Again. And piddle around the house a bit.

I will see any comments in my email (on my phone) but I won't be able to respond, so don't think I'm ignoring you. My phone will let me post to Facebook, but it takes forever. I have Verizon but it's roaming here, so I have hardly any data coverage at all.

The holler's grasp on modern technology is a vast black hole of despair.

Anywho, we'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


poopie said...

hang in there sister girl...this too shall pass ^j^

Celia said...

Prayers and good thoughts for the new job possibilities.

Teressa Welch said...

I wish I could sprinkle fairy dust on all of it and make it ok. Hugs.

kerry said...

Those folks at the plant don't know a good thing when they see one, apparently. Morons.

kenju said...

Ditto to what everyone else said. I hope the office gives you a chance to lead them out of the swamps and into the 21st century of sales and service, for I know you can do it!!

renn said...

I have dvds that i am willing to share. Inbox me mailing info. Seriously.

Travel said...

It is good to hear from you.

Significant Snail said...

Glad to hear from you! Praying for your new job to come through!

mookzmom said...

Better times just GOTTA be coming up for you. You're too good for all this shitstorm stuff to keep up endlessly. I'm sending good vibes, hugs, and prayers for you!

Frank said...

You are never too old to learn. I had no idea what "Hamthrax" is but it sounded pretty darn bad. I can't imagine having to suffer with the flu for a whole month. Let an old sailor wish you fair winds and following seas; Lord knows you could use some good luck bout now.