Divine Intervention and Walking Dead Girl

It's been a week full of snot churning, belly aching and hacking up assorted vital organs around the Mahala house. The Amazon was kind enough to bring home a bug, one that I skillfully avoided for almost a week before waking up Saturday morning feeling like an extra on the set of The Walking Dead. I called in sick yesterday, to a boss who told me to please take care of myself and feel better, which almost made me weep after 7 years of Bossholio. I drug myself in to the office this morning. I felt like I had magical powers as I walked down the hall and watched everyone magically move out of my path, like I was spewing plague mist out of my eyes like lasers.

It didn't go well.

I felt kinda guilty for taking the chance that I'd infect everyone else, but my desk is piled high.

I'm pretty sure I have the flu.

I ended up leaving at 4 to give myself time to recover before starting a shift taking calls from 6-9. In the meantime, I developed a hellacious headache.. you know.. the kind you get when you've been hacking unproductively for hours and you feel like your left temple is bulging out like something from The Elephant Man.

Anywho, all systems at the Taking-Calls-But-Not-Porn company were clusterfucked into the 12th dimension, someone took the phone off the hook at the Call-This-Number-24-7-If-You-Need-Help line and the Send-An-Email-If-You-Can't-Get-Through page was crashed. I finally got into the We-Can-Try-To-Help chatroom, which, as you can imagine, was flooded with people having issues. Unfortunately, I was pretty sure the whole reason I couldn't get in was not because of the known issues, it was because my THREE passwords had expired yesterday and although I'd reset them, I'd written them down and with my throbbing eyeball, I'd gotten them mixed up and proceeded to get myself locked out. This can only be fixed by calling the line that no one was answering because, I'm pretty sure, all 600 or so operators were calling because of the fore mentioned clusterfuckery.

After about an hour and a half I decided it was Fuck this Shit o'clock and I logged off, puked for thirty minutes then settled in on the couch.

I'm feeling much better at the moment.


If you're my Facebook bud, you know I bought fishy last weekend. His name is Ludwig Von Beta-toven. He lives in a 2.5 gallon little tank with some gothic church ruins on top of the t.v. I am a dork. I've learned to embrace it.


About three weeks ago, The Big Headed German called to congratulate me on paying off the first of my 401K loans. I had taken it out to make the down payment on Jolene when I was desperate for a vehicle and broke. It meant another $25 a pay check.

Right after Christmas I got another call, this one from a collection agency. That credit card company that pissed me off when my world went all kittwampus had apparently decided we needed to end our relationship. At first I got defensive, but then I was like.. okay look, shit happens, I did the best I could. What do I need to do to fix this? So Kathy, the nice lady at the collection agency offered me a settlement for $2500. WHAT a coinkidink. That was about how much that 401K loan was for. I told her I'd look into it and get right back to her. The most I could get was $2300, but I couldn't apply until x number of days had passed, after January 1st. I called Kathy back and she said she could make $2300 work IF I could secure the funds by January 7th, because on that day my account would cycle (apparently credit card accounts get Aunt Flo.)

I got the loan approved and a check in hand by the 6th.

I don't care what ya'll say, that right there was some Divine Intervention.


Anywho, I reckon I'm going to try it again tomorrow, so I should go see if I've got some clean pants to wear.   If not, I'm might just find some stuffed in a corner somewhere, hit it with the lint roller and some febreeze and take my chances. It's not like anyone's gonna get close enough to smell me anyway.

Ya'll take care. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!

1 comment:

kenju said...

There's both good news and bad news in this one. I like the good: Divine intervention doesn't come often in the form of a check (at least that's my experience)and I like hearing about it when it does. Hope you feel better very soon.