I'm A Plumber and I Smell Like Dead Green Things

Hey ya'll! Long time no see. It's been craziness in the holler this past week. If you follow me on Facebook you know Ma came home from the nervous hospital last Monday. It's all pretty much been a ginormous clusterfuck since.

Ma seems to be doing okay. We met with home health nurses, counselors, state funded programs and physical therapy people last week, getting her set up with everybody in the county and beyond. This has meant that Yoda has had to spend a lot of time locked in The Amazon's bedroom. Yoda is not used to not being in charge of is own destiny. He is not pleased.

Hopefully this week we can start to settle in to some kind of routine.

On Saturday,  me and The Amazon successfully replaced all the inner workings of our shared potty. It hasn't worked right in like.. forever. Now it flushes with a vengeance, but we have to keep the water cut off due to excessive leakage around the water supply. I probably should have looked at it yesterday, but it was Mother's Day dammit. I might have to replace the gasket thingie where it screws into the throne. I'm pretty sure the whole bathroom floor is shot to hell now too.

Speaking of Mother's Day, I didn't hear from Long Lost Daughter, nor have I heard from her at all since our initial text-a-thon. I've wondered if maybe I didn't live up to her expectations, but then I tell myself just to let it go. She knows where I am. We have the rest of our lives to work on things.

Still..I kinda expected a text message or something.

Our Catawba tree finally bloomed and while you could smell the sweet aroma of Catawba all over the holler, the blooms I plucked and shoved into a jar with some jojoba oil had no scent whatsoever. I heated them up anyway, gotta have faith and all that ya know, but now I have a jar of oil that smells like.. dead green things. I thought maybe it was because our tree wasn't mature enough, so I snuck over to the rental house across the road and stole another jar full of blooms off their great big old tree.

Now I have TWO jars of dead green thing oil.

Maybe it's a bad year for Catawba blooms. Maybe that frost we had after they started budding out killed the smelly juice.

Maybe I can make some black, dead green thing scented candles and sell them as Magic Bosshole Repellent.

Speaking of the Cubicle Asylum, sorta kinda, sales are in the toilet. We're making enough to get by but they've put a freeze on raises again. They didn't bother to tell us mind you, I got up the cajones to ask Bossholio TWO MONTHS after my 18 month review was due and he was all like, "Oh yeah, no raises until we start making more money." He then informed me, in a round about way, that if I didn't like it, I could leave.

Great. Way to go with the company moral.

I may or may not have spent the morning updating my resume. I really don't get paid enough to put up with so many assholes.

Anywho...

That kinda sorta catches ya'll up for now. Hang in there. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!!

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