Frequent Rider Miles on The Crazy Train. I Haz Them.

This has nothing to do with my post. I just really want an effin' donut. 

I woke up this morning to the sound of someone knocking, dogs barking and muffled voices. I assumed Ma had gotten up and woke up The Amazon then shuffled back to bed, so I didn't get in any hurry. As you know, once you're awake, the need to tinkle outweighs any ideas of going back to sleep, so I wallered out of bed to find The Amazon gone and the front door standing wide open.

And Yoda wasn't barking. Which was weird.

I thought it was The Rapture, a week and a day late. That is, until I looked out the door and saw the ambulance across the road (formerly the Dubya estate) over at Crazy Dave's house. Bubbles' brother was leading Ma over to the truck and The Amazon was standing there in her pjs with Yoda on a leash.

The Rapture would have been way more logical.

Apparently Ma thought the town had called to tell her they were going to burn the house down and she needed to leave or get fined. Apparently she's more afraid of being fined than dying in a horrendous house fire. She also had the presence of mind to save Yoda, but the rest of us are on our own.

All her vitals checked out and although she fell up Dave's steps and landed on his porch, she seemed physically okay. Ma couldn't understand why Crazy Dave and his wife wouldn't open the door and let her in. If it had been her, she reasoned, she would have let THEM in. Which is true. She would welcome Sasquatch in the front door and offer to fix it dinner.

She's been having a bad spell ever since her brother in law died. Yesterday she angrily explained that she was NOT going to be hypnotized.


Hopefully she'll pass out in an hour or so and sleep through til tomorrow. That's usually how these episodes end. Then? We're having a talk about signing papers and seeing lawyers.

Thank goodness tomorrow is a holiday. I still need to mow and weed and.. ya know.. stuff. I laid around and whined about my Rice Krispy joints all day yesterday, but it's better today. I've been taking a sleeping spell lately too, which might be why I was hurting. Who effin knows anymore? When FMF and "The Sugar" (as we say down here) meet Aunt Flo, my body just kinda goes into a big clusterfucked state of WTH????

That's my diagnosis anyway.

I hope all is quiet down your way, if quiet is what you need. Ya'll take care and we'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!