Things That Won't Suck

First, let me say I'm still haunted by yesterday's lunch. I ordered a spinach salad. When bacon and egg were included in the ingredients list, silly me thought bacon bits and a hard boiled egg. When I opened the box to find two strips of thick, salty bacon and a fried egg on top of my otherwise lovely salad, I was dumbfounded.

Seriously. Did these people not watch Sesame Street when they were kids?

Bacon and eggs = breakfast (or 3 a.m. drunken stupor snack.)
Spinach salad = healthy lunch

Ima need the extremely masculine woman who cooks down at the campground store to have at least as much sense as friggen Cookie Monster.


Ma chickened out about going to check out Shady Pines, but The Amazon and I had a long talk the other day and we agree that it's going to happen sooner or later and that Ma would probably be much happier. A Facebook friend sent me a link to Medicaid regulations (God bless the innerwebs) which explained that if you're the child of the senior and have lived in the same house, providing care, for at least 2 years, you're exempt from the having to turn over your home to the government.. thingie. I contacted an attorney this morning (thanks b.fez) for a consultation so that I can find out exactly what I need to do, cost, etc.

At 45.. it feels weird to have to be the grown up.

Once I accepted the fact that it will happen and that it's not because I'm not good enough or that I could have worked harder, etc.. I found myself trying to come up with a positive spin on things, compiling a list of:

Things That Won't Suck If Ma Goes to Shady Pines:

  1. I'll get the big, grown-up sized bedroom, with a private bath. I'll have room for MORE CRAFT STUFFS!!! And to WALK. And for Ayla's bed without having to rearrange furniture every morning and every night. 
  2. I'll be able to cut the grass myself, without waiting for Aunt Moses to get a wild hair up her arse to come cut it, usually after it's turned into a black snake wildlife refuge, so that Ma can give her $30 for the pleasure. I'm going in the morning to buy a lawn mower. BOOYAH! 
  3. I can expand the dog lot.
  4. I won't have to worry if The Amazon and I want to go somewhere together, that there won't be anyone at home with Ma.
  5. I also won't have to stress out every time I buy groceries, wondering what Ma will eat, if she can get the package open herself, if she'll understand the directions. I'll know she's getting fed regular meals.
  6. The Amazon can move from her tiny, closet sized bedroom to my room. If you've ever lived in a trailer, you're familiar with the tiny bedroom. She has a full sized bed with a computer desk facing it, blocking the closet, about six inches away. You can't walk between them. She has to turn sideways to get through her door then dive on her bed.
Of course, there's just as many, if not more, things that WILL suck, but I'm trying to stay positive.

For now, I guess I'll run. We don't wanna get Bossholio's panties in a wad.

Ya'll have a good one, we'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!

P.S. I ate the whole thing



kenju said...

I think the day will come when she will go and end up being happy about it, as will you and TA. I hope and pray it comes soon, for all your sakes.

Mahala said...

You're right. I really hope she can get treatment for what I believe is more mental illness than age related.

poopie said...

I feel ya sister. We're living the same script here on the lane with my parents. And yes it DOES feel very strange to be the grownup!

Aarin said...

7. she will be safe and get immediate care should something happen

8. she'll get noggin meds to help, should it be determined she needs them'll be much more difficult to fight with her if she's not living with you

Teressa Welch said...

You'll finally get a chance to *relax* at HOME! And just be yourself and do your own thing! And know that she'll be taken care of. WIN/WIN/WIN!

And cutting the grass is good exercise ;)

tiff said...

I'm rooting for a transfer for Ma soon, and the transmogrification of your life and hers. I do believe all y'all will be happier.

BetteJo said...

Having to be the grownup - yeah - I felt the same way. Ugh, it's tough. And it's exactly why I tell my kids I am not going to linger. One day I am just going to drop dead so they won't have to take care of me or make those decisions. Cause you know, I'm gonna have control over that. :)
I'll be thinking about you!