When I'm the Sane One, We Have a Problem

Oh it's gonna be a craptacular day in Mahalaville. I can just feel it.

I had grand plans for the coming weekend. Me and T.A. worked on getting some housework caught up the past couple of days, then I was going to get a few groceries tonight so that I could spend the weekend not shopping for furniture, not folding laundry and not scrubbing various surfaces. I was going to kick back, write, sip bottled water and dream of the beach.

So last night, I was minding my own business, moving furniture and vacuuming while T.A. was out shopping with a friend when I over heard Ma on the phone. I figured she was talking to Aunt Moses and I didn't think much of it, until a about an hour later when my cell phone rang.

"Do you have the law over there," Aunt Moses asked as delicately as possible, "to take your mother to the nervous hospital?"

"Ummm no. But the night is  young."

"Oh," she said, "she's called me three times tonight talking craziness. So did you buy that house on the hill to stick her in it?"

"No."  The trailer on the hill is a sore spot with me. Ma's been asking me and T.A. twice a day for over a month when I'm moving in to it or do I have the keys yet.

I finally lost it on her the other day and informed her that if I EVER find myself financially stable again and can buy a new residence, it will NOT be a trailer and it will NOT be in Hee-Haw county. Making that statement was about as productive as farting in the wind when it came to getting Ma off my back, but it made me feel better.

Aunt Moses went on to grill me about my therapy, my medication and my menstrual cycle, because I am, after all, the bad seed of the family and this all must have been caused by something I had done.

"This is nothing new Mosie, Ma's always been crazy. Ya'll just chose to believe her bullshit instead of seeing the truth."

"Well, I wasn't a'callin' to fuss at 'cha or nothing. I just don't know what we're going to do about your mama," she added.

This is when I thought.. ya know.. the last time I asked Aunt Moses for some help with Ma, she said she wasn't dealing with her crazy ass. She was my mother and my problem. So I don't know why she suddenly thinks it's any of her damned business. To beat all, she acted like she didn't know about the deal with the trailer on the hill, yet Thelma here at the asylum knew all about it because Aunt Moses had asked Thelma's daddy (T.A.'s boss) if T.A. had moved out of the house yet, since I'd bought that trailer to stick her and Ma in.


This isn't even the inbred side of my family tree.

*Deep breath, moving on*

Sweet Manger Baby... it's Friday. And Lawd have mercy.. I am ready for it. I'm making a run to the World O' Wally after work to pick up a few things to last until payday, then I'm not doing anything else for the weekend other than writing, pulling a few weeds and stealing sloppy puppy kisses.

Ya'll have an awesometastic weekend. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!


tiff said...

I don't know how you do it, Mahala. Just.....don't.

Happy weekend!

Marissa said...

"This isn't even the inbred side of my family tree."

Best line ever! Sad, but you managed to make me laugh anyway.

ps. I love how the comment moderation asks me to 'choose an identity' -- I'd like to be Angelina Jolie, please. But just the part of her life where she rides Brad like a bucking bronco.

kenju said...

I'm with Tiff; I don't know how you do it either. My mom was 330 miles away from me and it was hard from a distance. If she had been living with me - I'd be the one in the funny farm by now.

I hope you have a relaxing weekend, Mahala.

Marissa - you're funny!! I love it.

Marilyn said...

I could help you write a book about crazy mothers! Skip the bottled water and go for the boxed wine :)

MJ said...

Luckily, it's not my mom I have to worry about, it's my mother in law. And mostly, I can just ignore her.

Aarin said...

i'm sure TA would love to move in to her own space, just not with granny yells a lot mccrankypants