I May Castrate a Mother Humper

Me and T.A. were piddling around the living room last night, picking up this and that, discussing finances and my pending dive into debt this weekend for a couch or loveseat or recliner... something.. to sit our butts on in front of the boob tube, when a call came over the scanner. Someone had seen a horse being pulled by a pick up truck on the highway.

T.A. was visibly disturbed by the report, but I explained to her that my uncle used to move his mean old Appaloosa between barns that way. He'd drive real slow with old Bandit tied to the back. Bandit wouldn't load in a trailer and if you tried to make him or got to close to him he'd bite the snot out of you.

I know this for a fact because Dear Old Dad liked to make me ride in the back of Uncle Mike's truck when Bandit was tied to the back so he could watch me dodge the crazy old horse's teeth. He used to get a big kick out of it, hollering "He's gonna gitcha!" out of the passenger side window...

But that's a story for another day..


I'd forgotten about the scanner report until I got to the Asylum this morning. Thelma appeared at Lulu's office door (we were discussing business.. honest) red faced and plumes of steam shooting out of her ears.

"I had to wait until you got here to tell this because I get so mad when I talk about it," she said. "When I got home yesterday, I was over at Dad's camper, standing outside and talking to him through the winder when I seen that crazy old Ed.. Do you know Ed?" she paused. I shook my head no and Lulu tried to explain to me who he was, finally ending with frustration, telling me she knew I'd know him if I saw him.

I still don't know who they're talking about.

"Anyways, crazy old Ed came FLYIN' up our road, boilin' up dust. He went around back behind that old backer barn where our property borders his and showed back up a couple of minutes later pullin' his horse behind him. He was movin' way too fast, but the poor old thing was keeping up okay until he hit the highway. Then it FELL.. TWICE.. and got flipped over on it's side and he just kept on going. I couldn't stand it, watchin' that poor animal scrambling, trying to get up and he was DRAGGING it behind his truck. I was madder'n a hornet. There ain't no sense in that. I called the sheriff's office and of course, they just told me to call animal control and THAT big dummy just said it was perfectly legal to lead your horse with a truck.. after I TOLD him what had happened. He said he was "familiar" with Ed and he'd give him a call but he was sure it was fine."



Poor old Thelma was about to bust a corpuscle. I gave her the email address of the woman I got Ayla from, the one who runs the animal shelter. Maybe she can light a fire under some people.

Me? Oh I'm going over to Mr. Ed's property after work. I need to see if the horses are visible from the road, where it's perfectly legal to take photographs of anything you can see on anyone's property, as long as you don't leave the asphalt.

I'm a firm believer that any man who needs to abuse animals to get his kicks, probably can't get his tiny little winky up any other way. Seriously, if you need to make something suffer to feel like a man, you ain't much of one.

I'm sure there'll be more to this story. I'll keep you informed as it develops. I may even post his name and address any other contact information. Who knows? I'm feeling right pissy over it at the moment. If our sorry assed county won't do anything.. well.. it'd be a shame if his horses were to suddenly, mysteriously disappear.

Just sayin'.

Later Taters.


kenju said...

That is horrible and I hope someone helps the horse get justice - and revenge!!

Anonymous said...

I hope there is a special place is hell for folks like that. Maybe someone should drag him around behind a truck, see how he likes it. That kind of crap makes my blood boil.

Anne said...

I'm, with Tonya.. I say Ed gets tied to the bumper and taken for a stroll down the highway.

To... PUNISH the horses for getting loose?!? wtf... they get out... some are better at it than others. My in-laws appy can open anything. Dumbass Ed needs to have his horses removed... then leave him at my doorway. I will take care of the rest.

Ed is a lucky bastard for not living near me... I have seen people mistreat horses and I have a bad tendency to show them what it's like to feel like the horse.

Sorry... major soft spot for horses. 2 of mine were abused and lemme tell ya some of those scars take many many many years to overcome.

tiff said...


The Gritlet said...

1) T.A. or you can call me and I can help write strongly worded letters to various people. Or you can use my skills in breaking into fenceline undected.

2) Tiff has a happy carrot avatar I used to use everywhere. Tiff is amazing.

Inanna said...

DISGUSTING! and heartbreaking! What a douchebag!

Aarin said...

is thee an spca office near you at all? thats who i'd be calling, or the humane society. its gonna suck to be him, karma's a bitch donchaknow

BetteJo said...

You had me wincing there, I hope it wasn't as bad as Lulu said. I really hope. Poor animal.