Getting Humped in So Many Ways

I'm getting so addle minded, I may end up in the home before Ma does.

I stopped at the dollar store on the way home the other day. I needed a case of bottled water, some extra fixin's for dinner and some pseudo Zyrtec so I could stop coughing my head off every afternoon, promptly at 3 o'clock.

After I did my hunting and gathering, I got in line behind Bubba Joe Bob and Cindy Lou Hoo and waited patiently as they "hey-howdied" every person who came in the front door, distracting them from putting their items on the counter in a timely manner.I did learn a few things while standing there behind them though, like that Cindy Lou Hoo had been putting up backer all day for $8 an hour and that Bubba Joe Bob sure did like that "throw back" Mountain Dew better than the new stuff.

Bubba Joe bob and Cindy Lou Hoo finally got checked out and I slung my ginormous case of spring water on the counter, followed by other assorted goodies. The cashier was a tiny blonde with thick glasses, around the Amazon's age, who always smiles when she sees me coming. I'm never quite sure if she's happy to see me or if she's giving me the "always smile at crazy people" smile.

She rang up my stuff, I swiped my card and then looked at me, smiling, and said, "Oh my! It says it's expired!"

I looked at her, my mouth hanging open, my eyes like saucers and said, "Oh crap.. it's the first isn't it?" The little blonde with the thick glasses nodded. "I've got my new card out in the truck, I'll be back in a second."

I waddled like the wind out to the truck, found my new card, remembered that I'd never activated it, then climbed in the cab and took off for the bank. Driving through town, praying there wasn't a line at the ATM, I nearly took down an ancient forest service volunteer who was shuffling across the street without a care in the world.

You'd think if you were that old, you'd be in a hurry to get somewhere, time being of the essence and all.

There was no line at the ATM, so I scrambled for my new card, ran inside and did a balance inquiry to activate the debit card and was informed by the snotty new ATM that my pin number was incorrect.

I have had the same pin since 1987. I think I probably know it by now.

But then.. I remembered getting something from the bank in the mail.. something about a pin.


I jumped back in the truck, drove home to three very excited dogs (Mommy's Home!!) ignoring them and sitting down to shuffle frantically through the mail, all while rattling off the whole story to T.A who kindly handed me her debit card to go get my $18 worth of junk from the dollar store.

So. Embarrassing.

Then yesterday? Ayla ate my cellphone and I spent the first thirty minutes of my workday trying to stick the big button that controls everything back in the hole it fell out of.

It's gotta get better right?


This morning I left my cellphone at home, locked in the bedroom with Ayla. I may or may not have one when I get home at lunch. Then? When I finally did get to work, I got a call from the campground store telling me I left my now activated debit card there when I stopped to get a biscuit.

The home is sounding better and better to me.

Anywho... it's Humpday ya'll. Hump it like a ... wait.. that reminds me. Also? Last night, my sweet little spayed FEMALE puppy took extreme delight in attacking my calf, humping it like a little horndog.

I think I need a vacation.

Ya'll take care. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!


Tonya said...

Ain't life grand?!? It sounds like you are going through the spin cycle, just waiting for it to slow down. Hang in there, sooner or later it will. I have faith in that, other wise I'd be on the water tower with the high powered rifle. LOL

kenju said...

I think I might just take a personal day and hide under the covers till it all passes!

tiff said...

Mommy needs a valium. :)

Teressa Flye said...

Breathe, woman! This too, shall pass.