Why I'm In Therapy

I've spent most of my three day weekend being ticked off at Ma. I know, I shouldn't waste my valuable time this way, but old habits die hard.

I had planned to work on some clay stuff, blog, do some online shopping and other than the absolutely necessary domestic tasks, take it kinda easy. Last week at the Asylum had thoroughly kicked my keister and I needed a break. I think I booked close to 150K while working only 26 hours. I was a tired punkin. Besides, these Fridays off are what's left of my 2009 vacation. I'd like to actually enjoy some of it. It's going to kill me to work a full week again once January rolls around.

The overnight lows here in the holler Thursday evening hovered around 17° so when I woke up to a chilly bedroom Friday morning, being snuggled to death by two dogs and a cat, I wasn't too worried. I've recently rearranged the bedroom to make room for the computer and the bed is sitting over the vent. It didn't dawn on me that I needed to close the vent until after I moved the bed, so I've been doing alot of hanging over the edge with my big butt hiked up in the air, trying to shove crap over it.

(Yes, I'm aware that it would be simpler to move the bed out of the way and fix the vent. "Simple" doesn't usually occur to me until long after the task is accomplished.)

So yeah, the chilly bedroom implied that I'd finally shoved the right crap in the right direction and the vent was now covered. Yay.

I got up and staggered to the back door, where I shoved two very unwilling mutts out to do their business, noticing that it was colder than usual in the rest of the house too. Ma usually gets up in the middle of the night and cranks the thermostat up to the "Burning Hellfire" setting, thinking I won't notice. I guessed she must have slept through the night this time.

I sat down with my coffee, thankful to be off work and looking forward to a peaceful three days to recharge my battery. The wind bent the trees outside my window, gray clouds moved in. I pulled a throw over me, panicking slightly when the heat didn't kick on.

Maybe the Amazon got too hot when she got up to get ready for work and turned it down. I checked the thermostat. The heat was off.

What the hell? Do these people not realize it's December?

So I texted the Amazon down at the Pump n' Go, asking if she had turned the heat off. "Yes," she replied. "We're out of oil."

Now, before I go any further, I have to backtrack a little. When Ozzy was sick, me and the Amazon added to the dog lot, using kennel panels. The back three forths of our lot is on a hill, so there's not alot of room between the back of the trailer and where the incline begins, so the kennel had to sit at an angle, blocking access to the oil tank.

Ma has obsessed over this since August. She asked me almost every damned day when I was going to move it. Moving it was going to require some digging and honestly, I wasn't in any hurry to do it. Besides, we just filled the oil tank last spring, I knew it was almost full.

There was no rush.

Anyway, so Friday morning, while I lay sleeping, the Amazon and Ma had some big brouhaha over the heat. Ma said the tank was empty and we were all going to freeze because they couldn't get to the tank. She had the Amazon all in a wad before she went to work. When the Amazon told her just wait until she got off work, that she'd move the kennel, Ma told her not to worry about it. She'd just let them bring that big, greasy pump through the front door and stick it out the window.

I think not.

So then, I was pissed. No.. I was livid. I got dressed, went outside, took the kennel apart and ripped a branch off a tree to use as a measure, then stuck it down in the oil tank as far as it would go. While experiencing just a touch of the batshit crazy, I marched back in the house, gripping the oily stick in my fist, stomping into Ma's room.

"Cut on your light," I said, in a calm, almost scary voice.

"Wuh?" she answered, pretending to be asleep.

"Turn it on, I want to make sure you can see this." Ma turned her lamp on and looked up at me standing there, crazy eyed and gripping the tree branch in my hand. Anyone with any sense would probably have been scared witless, but Ma? She giggled. "Do you see this? The oil tank is FULL."

"Oh, it must have made a noise like it was running out of oil or something. You know I get confused," she said, smiling slightly.

There is a special place in heaven for me. I know it, because she's still alive.

Anywho, since I had the whole mother feckin' thing taken apart, I figured I might as well fix it. I didn't move the kennel much, although I did drop a big 10 x 6 panel on my head, rip a ginormous hole in my pants and get my foot stuck in some ivy. I switched some panels around so that the delivery guy can come through the kennel and go out a side gate to the tank. I had to wait for the Amazon to get home to help me finish. I just don't have any strength in my hands anymore.

While we were out there, we moved the spiffy new doghouse she had built from a kit for Ozzy to enjoy when he got better, which ya'll know.. didn't happen. As we moved it, I looked up at her and asked, "Doesn't it make you sad there's no one to live in it?"

She looked at me and very sharply answered, "NO."

Well, that did me in. It was all I could do to keep it together long enough to finish up and go back in the house. I laid in bed for two hours, pissed that I had let Ma manipulate me one more time, sad for my dog and wallering in self pity.

Oh did I mention that Aunt Flo had finally showed up? Yeah..It's been a two weeker. That's when she brings her sisters Crampy, Bloatilla and Walleretta.

I have not been a joy to be around. They're starting to get on my nerves.

Anywho.. Ma left me alone for the most part yesterday, but she came in the living room this morning and announced that "someone" needed to go buy groceries. That's my new name. Someone. I know it's me, because she says it when there's no one here but me and the dogs. I just got up and walked off. There's food to fix.

Thank God for medication.

If you need me, I'll be lounging around the house in various stages of undress.. doing absofeckinglutely nothing for the rest of the day.

I hope ya'll can do the same.

Later Taters!


On a limb with Claudia said...

((hug)) that's a lot for anyone to deal with. I hope the new year brings new solutions.

Tonya said...

I feel for ya girl, that is a lot to deal with. I give you credit cause I probably would have not been able to hold it together at all. I have lost it over much less. I am rooting for ya to make it through the tough times, just keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

poopie said...

you are so living my life...only yours is funnier ;)

Teressa Flye said...

Thank you for once again reminding me why I do *NOT* want to move back down south amongst all the hillbillies and bitchiness. Ain't gonna happen. I'll pitch my tent under the Sundial Bridge and *dare* anybody to make me move!

You deserve a Medal of Honor and, unlike the Idiot in Charge, *you* actually earned it!

tiff said...

You sure your mom doesn't have some kind of weird-ass Alzheimer's? Because that's about the only thing I can think of to excuse her behavior. Shameful, really.

BEST to you in these last few weeks of what has been kind of a wild year!

Inanna said...

You're a better woman that I am because my mother already knows she'll never live with me. One of us would be dead. Goddess love ya, Mahala.

Travel said...

you are building points toward sainthood.


kenju said...

For me to have lived with my mom at this stage of my life would have been only slightly less annoying than it is for you - and mine would have been dead long ago (or I would). You must have the patience of Job, even though you say you don't. Travel is right; you are storing up treasures in Heaven!

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