Not a Nature Girl

I'm not sure why, but yesterday I got into a long, involved conversation with one of my customers on the subject of using the bathroom outside. No.. wait.. I guess you can't call it "using the bathroom" if you're squatting in the bushes at the side of the road.

Believe it or not, this is a hot topic of conversation between Lulu and I. Although she's quite prim and proper about most things, she doesn't give a second thought to hopping out of the truck and communing with nature when the need arises. I'm constantly amazed by this, I've never tried it and I don't see how it's possible, being of the female persuasion, to have a "go" and not thoroughly wet all your clothing in the process.

Back in my drinking days, when my friend Deneene and I would drive all over creation to attend Def Leppard concerts, we used to get pretty chit faced. Deneene, who could be really loud and obnoxious when she'd had a few, would suddenly begin screaming as we flew up I-64, "OH MY GAWD I GOTTA PISS.. NOW!" so I'd pull over to the emergency lane and she'd drop her drawers and squat right there, to the delight of passing truck drivers.

I really miss that girl.

Anywho, the customer I was speaking with offered to give me detailed instructions should I decide to try it out. She said she learned when she'd go camping with all her women friends and they'd get too drunk to make it back to the cabin to pee. I told her it was okay. I'd made it this long without having to do it, I'm sure I could go the rest of my life without that particular piece of knowledge.

I can just imagine me losing my balance, teetering over and unable to stand with my britches around my ankles, rolling down hill (because around here, everything is on a hill) and into oncoming traffic, flashing my naughty bits to all of Frog Pond Holler.

Nobody wants that.


Lawd have mercy it's Humpday. We've already had phones down this week, then phones working but only half way and we lost the internet and access to our inventory control system for half a day yesterday.

Today has GOT to be better.

Ya'll have a good one and hump it like a penguin, because that's how cold it is in this office.

Later Taters!


tiff said...

Peeing outside? No big thang, as long as you know where the TP is. :) WIthout THAT bit of info, it's a whole lot less pleasant an experience.

kenju said...

I guess it's easy enough in warm weather, if you have on a skirt and no skivvies - or stretchy skivvies. But in cold weather, in pants? Forget that!!

BetteJo said...

I'm of the opinion that if ya gotta go bad enough - you'll improvise.

Tonya said...

I grew up going oitside. So maybe it is something you have to learn early. Although with the condition my joints are in now, I don't know if I would be able to manage it.