Washing Mountains and The Black Mamba

Hoppin' horny toads.. can you say T-I-R-E-D?

Ma was released from the hospital yesterday. Aunt Moses volunteered to go collect her and bring her home, so I had at least a half a day to work on Ma's bedroom.

Before I go on, I have to explain that Ma is a packrat. I don't mean she's got a few knick knacks sitting around.. I mean she's the kind of packrat you see crying on Dr. Phil's show while he publicly humiliates them on television, in the hopes that it'll be enough to shock them into tossing some junk.

Stuff was piled chest high on the floor and on her bed, leaving just enough space for her to lay down. I've tried to clean it before, but she'd always pitch a fit or go in to this long speech about how she didn't want to be any trouble to anyone and how worthless she felt until I just couldn't take it anymore and I'd give up. She had a path to the bed and to the bathroom. I'm not exaggerating.. if anything, I'm leaving out he worst of it.. I'm ashamed I've allowed her to stay in there, but I really didn't see any solution.

So... yesterday morning at 7:30 I began by gathering up all the soiled sheets, towels and bed pads that she'd hidden around the room. I piled them all in the kitchen to give myself an area to move around in her room and started the washer. The washer and dryer ran constantly until 5 o'clock yesterday.

After I stripped her bed, I found the busted spot in her box springs and single handedly flipped the queen sized mother humper, without taking the ceiling fan down, but sending her bedside lamp sailing into the bathroom.

Okay.. so there were a few casualties.

I flipped the mattress.. the box springs were easier, then Lysoled the hell out of them both. As I excavated the piles of... stuff.. I uncovered an unopened package of brand new sheets I'd bought her three years ago.

Sweet!

I'll spare you the details of what all I found, but our big garbage bin in front of the house is full of bags, as is the back of my truck.

When she got home, I was almost finished and she didn't fuss. She even commented that she didn't remember the last time her bed had been made.

I'm not done buy any means, but it already looks like a different room. I'm still washing sheets, bedspreads and quilts.

Her heart cath procedure found no problems with her heart at all. The general consensus is that either she had a light heart attack that left no damage or she got screwed up taking some of her prescriptions and damn near killed herself. She's also been taking OTC stuff that she shouldn't have been taking with her prescribed medications, which we suspect might have caused alot of her confusion and craziness.

On a side note, while she was being prepped for her procedure, they gave her a nice dose of something to make her drunk, which caused her to put the moves on the male nurse escorting her, a large, bald (and damn fine, I might add) black man, who called himself The Black Mamba. By the time we got to the cath area, they had a date for tonight at his place, where they were gonna dance under the fireworks. He lives by the Big City baseball stadium and has the perfect view.

He asked where we were from and Ma proudly told him, which lead to a discussion of moonshine and Ma's admission that there's a big quart jar of the stuff somewhere in this house.

During this time, Aunt Moses, who wasn't medicated at all, suddenly started channelling Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies, explaining to T.B.M that she lived 14 miles deep into the Pisgah National Forrest and that she had "bars up yonder." T.B.M. said he always wanted a bear skin coat, he'd like to come up there and go hunting. Aunt Moses told him to come on up, Uncle Barney would love to show him how to take one down.

I had to bite my tongue. I wouldn't advise a person of color going into the woods with my Uncle Barney, especially if he was armed.

Anywho.. Aunt Moses then began describing the new "Apple Pie" flavored moonshine that was gaining popularity now and how smooth and tasty it was.

The whole time I'm standing there like... who the hell are these people and what are they talking about? And why don't I know of this new, tasty Apple Pie flavored whiskey?

I guess I'd better get back to folding sheets and starting another load. I feel a nap coming on soon, maybe after the Amazon goes to work. It's been a rough week. I'll try to be more coherent in future posts, I realize I'm rambling like a madwoman.

Ya'll have a great holiday. If ya come by, tiptoe in. I'll probably be sneaking a nap.

Later Taters.