Mayo, Rats and Shrunken Heads

It promises to be a warm one here in Frog Pond Holler this Humpday. My desk is covered with mounds of paper, consisting of assorted orders, multiple "urgent" requests and ... oh no, don't tell Bossman but.. filing. The red message light on my phone is blinking obnoxiously and I'm afraid to open my email.

And yes.. I'm sitting here in the middle of it all updating my blog. I've developed a serious case of asskissamyus when it comes to this place.

It's easy to do around here. It's 8:36 and no managers have shown up for work. We still have no air conditioning and all the guys out in the plant are running to Thelma every five minutes to find out what they need to be doing because they've run out of other people to ask.

Oh yeah.. good times.

Yesterday was Noggin Doc day. I'm learning alot about myself during our visits. Like.. did you know that PTSD, when triggered during childhood, affects the physical development of your adrenal system, changing the way your body reacts to stress and metabolizes medication for the rest of your life? Is that not weird as heck?

I almost giggled when she said, "I suspect you've been unbalanced for most of your life." I was like... yeah.. no kidding.

After my weekly head shrinking, I headed to the ginormous new Uber Wally World for groceries. Ma has finally accepted that she is diabetic and can't be living on white bread and sucking down Coke's 24/7, so I picked up a bunch of sugar free, low-fat, whole wheat goodies. I told her we'd try different stuff and she could decide what she liked. I did not, however, tell her that that the wienies I fed her for supper were fat free and we hid the rest of them in the back of the freezer, buried under a bag of lima beans.

She can't know about the wienies. The woman is very persnickety about her dawgs.

When I fixed her plate, the Amazon entered the kitchen:

"Did you just put mayo on those hot dogs?" she asked.

"Yes, she wanted mayo. I know it's gross, but your nana is weird."

"That paper says she can't have mayo!" she said.

"I realize that but," I lowered my voice to a whisper, "these are fat free hot dogs on whole wheat buns."

"IT SAID NO MAYO," the Amazon insisted.

I started towards Ma's bedroom with the plate as I called back to the Amazon, "You gotta learn to pick your battles in life."

"NO MAYO!"

"PICK YOUR BATTLES!"

"Would you please shut up and give me my damn hot dogs?" was heard from the other room.

Anywho.. either there's a 2 ton rat in the crawl space over my office or they're working on the air conditioning. Keep your fingers crossed.

Ya'll have a good Hump Day. Let's hump it like Arts and Crafts hour down at the nervous hospital.

Later Taters!