Crime Spree in The Holler

Oh there's drama unfolding at the Asylum this morning. We're expecting law enforcement to show up any time now. I hope he puts some shoes on this time... last time he showed up in his slippers.

It's nothing very exciting, someone just tried to roll our hay out of the field last night, a large bale of which got hung up in the pine trees. Had it not been stopped by the trees, it would have rolled right into the side of the lab, possibly tearing a hole in the side of the building.

These aren't bales of the cute little, toss 'em in the back of the truck variety. These are the big ass, you need a flatbed to haul them sized rolls.

There is evidence that a vehicle was used to push the rolls.. or at least get them started downhill, suggesting that someone got in past the gate. The official statement from the GM? "Security was breached at the front entrance. We have been compromised and we must take this threat very seriously."

Yeah.. that's right... some remedial terrorists who flunked out of Jihad school have been sent to Frog Pond Holler to steal all the hay.


Cletus and Romaine, having been laid off for the past six months and getting a little bored, got all liquored up on cheap whiskey and decided to wreak havoc on the hay field. Maybe.. they were so drunk they thought those big bales were cows on steroids and all they really wanted to do was tip a few, not realizing they'd go rolling down hill and damn near taking out a building in the process.


Bubbles, also having been laid off and finding herself broke.. even though her Bubbahubby has one really good paying job, two more part time jobs and their house is paid for.. but I digress... needed hay to feed her growing goat population and, feeling guilty for not contributing to the household, couldn't bring herself to ask Bubbahubby for money to buy hay. Deciding to put her box shaped SUV to use, she sneaks in up the old forest service road and tries to roll herself one big bale of hay down off the hill, giving it a good shove so that it can roll out the main entrance, jumping the gate, just as she exits the woods from the service road to intercept it, then pushing it all the way back out to her little country farm, ten miles outside of town.


There was another earthquake in the holler that was just strong enough to send the bales of hay rolling down the hill, but not strong enough to wake anyone up, thereby going unnoticed.


It was aliens who need hay to convert to fuel for their airships.. but while engaged in the theft of one of the bales, the captain alien spilled hot spooge (like coffee.. on planet Ziptron) on his left knee.. which is where alien reproductive organs are.. in case you didn't know... and lept to his feet.. all three of them... causing the airship to teeter and knocking the hay bale down the hill. This scared the behoodas out of him because he'd already been warned that if he had just ONE more spooge spillage related incident while piloting, he'd be suspended. With all those little spawn to feed, he couldn't risk losing his job, so he aborted the mission, making up some cock n' bull story about a one armed hillbilly farmer coming after him with a bazooka... just to cover his ass.

Man.. I can't wait for Deputy Jethro to get here so I can share my theories with him. He'll be so impressed.

In the meantime, ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!