Monkeys, Glasses and a Fashion Faux Pas

Ya'll must be thinkin' I've gone and fallen off the face of the earth. Rest assured that I'm still around, it's just that the new, shorter hours at the Asylum, combined with a sudden surge in business means that now, I go in and hit the ground running. There are some days that I can barely find the time to go tinkle.

A girl should be able to tinkle when she's gotta.. ya know?

Week after next is Bossman's mandatory week off without pay. I will be the lone, solitary sales ninja, yet still only working 32 hours. I can't get it all done now, with him there. Things are fixin' to get mighty hairy.

This past week, sometime in between running around like a crazy person and explaining to five different men in the USAF that I can't go to upstate N.Y, climb on their rooftop and measure their equipment (insert your own jokes please.. I'm tired) I came to the conclusion that I really need to go have my eyes checked. If I move any closer to the television, no one else will be able to walk through the living room and the Amazon is getting tired of scenes like this:

Me, driving across Pecan Mountain on a winding, curvy road: "Dang! Is that a monkey with a cowboy hat?"

Amazon: "What? Watch where you're going. LOOK AT THE ROAD!"

Me, pointing: "By the road, it's a statue of a monkey in a cowboy hat. How cool!"

Amazon: "Where? What? THAT'S A ROCK AND A PAPER BAG!"

Me: "Ohhh.. dang. Looked like a monkey."

Amazon: "For the love a' God, Ima need for you to get your eyes checked."

I don't have any cash, but I did my taxes and there's a refund coming, so I'm going to take my Amex, head to LensCrafters and get my head examined eyes checked.

That's right. I'm going to the mall for my eye care.. proving that I really am still a city girl at heart.

Plus, I can get an eye exam there on a Saturday, I won't have to make a second trip to Big City in a couple of weeks to pick glasses up and they're running a $99 special.

I feel a little frivolous going all willy nilly, spending money I don't have on something I've managed this long without. I know.. it's a health thing and I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. In my head I have to justify it, so I just think about how due to the "lackaforkin" in the family tree, "lazy eye" runs in both sides of my family, Ma's been legally blind in one eye for as long as I can remember and I've not had them checked in like.. 15 years.

I'm fairly certain I'll need glasses. I had them before, when I was in high school. I got out of the habit of wearing them for a while, then got a prescription for more when I worked at the bank over in Scary Hillbilly Town. The Amazon was just little then, but had the fashion sense to inform me that they were too big for my face and Oh Em Gee couldn't I find something a little less ginormous?

Naw.. she didn't make me self conscious AT ALL.

So unless, by some miracle my eyesight has improved once I passed the magical age of forty, I'm pretty sure I'm coming out of there with some specs. The Amazon is coming with me, to assure that I don't commit another fashion faux pas... Gawd forbid.

There's lots going on in town that I'm just dying to tell ya'll about. I'll try to get us all caught up soon. Ya'll hang in there.

Later Taters!


Tori Lennox said...

ROFL!!! I think a monkey in a cowboy hat would have been highly amusing, too. *g*

Anonymous said...

For me it was parking spaces. I swear they kept repainting the lines makeing the parking spaces smaller and smaller. That was when I finally went and had my head examined.


BetteJo said...

I hate to say it but I will anyway - that 40 mark seems to catch the ones who didn't wear specs before, so if you wore them in the past I'm thinking it's guaranteed you'll have them now. Let us know if they give you bifocals!!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

It's time for glasses when you see all the deer lined up at the edge of the road at perfectly measured intervals.

Or they could be mailboxes.