ABC News, Mountain Dew Addiction and WTF?

It's a cool, quiet morning here at the Asylum. Thelma is off, Bossman is coming in later and PG is home with the hackalicious chest crud. I can use a bit of quiet after the day I had yesterday. Thelma and Lulu damned near came to blows over scheduling, the phone rang off the hook and I had a customer ream me a new one when I told him his order wasn't shipping until today.

Dude thought he was going to intimidate me and tell me how I was going to conduct business. Obviously, this is the first time he's had to deal with me. Don't worry... he will learn.

(I may or may not have uttered the word "dickhead" after hanging up the phone with him.)

There was excitement in the holler yesterday afternoon. While Lulu was making her monthly visit to the Frog Pond Holler Public Library, she wandered in on the newly formed knitting circle. Of course, she knew everyone there, being the social butterfly that she is, causing everyone to stop and gossip for a minute or two. There were only four people in the group, but they all tried to encourage Lulu to get some yarn and join them.

Lulu isn't really what you'd call... crafty.

Anywho, it was soon realized that Lulu's distraction had caused everyone to lose count of their stitches and mayhem ensued. Lulu is now banned from the Thursday evening knitting circle.

Back at the trailer, the Amazon has been on some kinda My Little Pony eBay mission from hell. I wish I could explain further, but honestly, I'm still a little foggy on the details. I think it involves hair extensions, acrylic paint and floor polish.

If I ever figure out what the sam hill she's talking about, I'll let you know.

The Amazon was all in a wad yesterday over tonight's 20/20 special "A Hidden America, Children of the Mountains." We've been hearing about it for a couple of weeks now, supposedly a look in to the hidden hollers, frozen in time, a simpler way of life. They showed a small clip yesterday morning.

Instead of "a simpler way of life" it was a look at how mountain people have less teeth than the national average and it's all because they're addicted to Mountain Dew, which they reported was used as a "mild antidepressant."

Ya know... I mouthed off about the History Channel's cockamamey bullhockey, "Hillbilly, the Real Story," hosted by Billy Ray Cyrus, back last year and as a result, I was bombarded with emails from people from everywhere BUT the mountains of Appalachia, calling me names and questioning my intelligence. I was able to let most of it roll off my back until about a month ago when one of the friggen WRITERS who worked on the "documentary" emailed me, quoting the script to me.

None of them seemed to have actually paid attention to what I said, they all just had their bloomers in a wad because I said bad things about Billy Ray Cyrus.

Anyway, I finally decided it wasn't worth it and I did something I swore I'd never do. I deleted the post. It just wasn't worth the aggravation.

Now, Diane Sawyer, whom I've admired for years, decides to exploit small children with bad teeth. For me, it had the same cringe factor as any run of the mill, poor excuse for television reality show. Gathering up these poor mountain families and parading them in front of the cameras like side show freaks is just the latest example of what passes for entertainment in our country today.

I know I play on popular stereotypes when I write here and I try to do it in a truthful, humorous manner. When I think I may have crossed the line, I let a few choice holler residents read what I've written before posting to ask them if they would be offended by it.. just to play it safe. But I am not here to report the news. I am not here to comment on history. There is a difference.

There are people here with a faith stronger than you will ever witness anywhere else in the world.

I have seen women take a pile of worthless rags that some "city folk" have cast aside as trash and create the most incredibly beautiful quilts.. works of art to rival anything in a museum.

I have watched a man so old he can no longer sit up straight in his rocker take a piece of scrap from the firewood pile and, using the same knife he's carried in his overall pocket since he was a child, forming it into doll for his great grandbaby.

The music is rich and speaks to your soul through the language of banjos, guitars and washboards.

When you witness the cool morning mist hanging over the mountain peaks before the heat of a summer day takes hold, it brings a stirring deep in your chest, a knowing that there is a higher power, the confidence that nothing that beautiful could have happened by chance.

Our faces are carved from many gene pools with hints of Cherokee and Blackfoot, Melungeon and slave, English, Scottish and French and the gently subtleties of accent can be heard changing just by rounding the mountain.

But ABC prefers to focus on the unfortunate souls who don't have jobs, are poor and without insurance and... ultimately... teeth.

The Amazon says we should do our own documentary about REAL mountain people and their accomplishments.

We just might.

Ya'll have a good one.

Later Taters!