Murderous Thoughts, the FBI and Why I'm a Rock Star

In my attempt to be a kinder, more spiritually evolved being, I've been been making an attempt to be nicer to Bubbles. The fact that we now spend a grand total of three hours a day together has helped matters, but I don't mind telling you that when she started smacking that chewing gum yesterday afternoon, it took all the self control I could muster to keep from leaping over the cubicle wall, all silent and ninja-like, wrapping my chubby little fingers around her neck and choking the snot out of her.

Not that I have violent tendencies or anything.

And seriously? If you're only working six hours a day and the GM is watching every move you make, would you take a long break in the afternoon to go on a nature walk with the GM's secretary?

Really?

*Deep breath... exhale slowly... moving on*

Ya'll will be glad to know I de-clogged the backed up sink Sunday night. I only plunged for about a half an hour, alternating between each side, before the non-inbred part of my brain kicked in and I realized I needed to block off one side in order to do any good.

I'm slow.. but I do catch on eventually.

Afterwards, it dawned on me that the clog might be the reason the dishwasher leaked water all over the kitchen the other day, not a busted pipe. So I tried it and there was no leak.

So yeah.. I'm feeling like a Home Repair Rock Star right about now.

Did ya'll see where the FBI is filling a bunch of job positions? I was all over their website, praying that there was a field office over in Big City, but unfortunately the closest one is in Knoxville, with another in Charlotte.

Seriously.. I would have applied.

Do you ever watch "Criminal Minds?" You know the character Garcia? I'd love to be her. While it's true that I don't posses her haxor skizzles, I love digging up dirt on people on the web. Just ask the Lyin' Assed Canadian. If it's out there.. I'll find it. Oh yeah and like Garcia, I could go for a sexy man with twinkling eyes calling me "Babygirl" whenever he needed information... just sayin'.

Anywho.. it's almost time for my cud chewing co-worker Bubbles to come in. I'm going to go say a silent prayer for the strength to keep from slapping her upside the head with Desk Monkey find peace.

Ya'll have a good one.

Later Taters!

12 comments:

tiff said...

Desk Monkeys are MADE for slappin.

You caught on to tha sink thing faster, I'm sure, than I would have. Way.

Marilyn said...

It took me YEARS to figure that whole sink drain plunging cover the other side trick out...

If you want to practice up on your FBI investigating skills, track down my ex and beat some child support out of him.
He's somewhere in Texas.

Travel said...

If you are under 40 and interested in an exciting job, apply with the FBI. I had an interview with them, but I was to old. Seriously, if you are over 40 they won't hire you. Might be an exciting option for the Amazon, they pay really well.

DG

kenju said...

Thanks for the tip on the sinks. I didn't know it, and it is bound to come in handy sometime.

BetteJo said...

I was all over that website too - I love me some criminal investigations! But alas - I have no qualifications they need. I suppose I could work in their cafeteria - do you think I need a college degree for that?

Meritt said...

I DID actually see that they want to hire 850 new FBI agents immediately. I'm bummed because it's 4 years TOO SOON. My daughter is going to college next Fall for Criminal Justice and hopes to possibly pursue being an agent or CIA. Darn - I hope they are still desperate in 4 years when she has her degree!

Dianne said...

I could so see you as 'babygirl' - FBI super agent by day - master plumber by night

MJ said...

Ah, yes. I too looked for one of those jobs. Nothing near me in the boogerwoods either. Bummer.

Mahala said...

We could always band together and start one of our own private investigation firms. Like Charlie's Angels.. or maybe.. more like Lavern and Shirley meets My Name is Earl.. just a thought.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Oh dear. That poor Bubbles. What will she be up to next!

A Spot of T said...

I'm snooping in the comments and noticed Charlie's Angels were mentioned. I'd like to put my resume in for Bosley please? I could play a mean female Bill Murray.

I LOVE Criminal Minds!! And as much as I cringe at the thought of being called "baby girl", the thought of a sexy man calling me it is very appealing. Not only do I love Garcia's skills but I love her pens. Seriously. I'm all about the funky office supplies.

Wildhair said...

Ooooh, I'd be all over Shemar if'n I was Garcia. She knows how to rock a super pair of specs. Truth be known, she gets 'em at Lenscrafters. I swears it. (I have the inside track.)