All The Latest

It's Bubbles-Free Friday ya'll! Can you tell I'm excited?

Let's get caught up on all things Mahala:

In my head:

I think I want a treadmill. Nothing fancy, just a small one that I can tuck away when it's not being used. I miss my walks here at work, I used to make laps around the property every morning and afternoon but now that they've created their walking "program" and put little Miss Bubbaliciousness in charge of it (she is the Wellness Committee Chairperson.. gag me with a spork..) I've sort of lost interest. I used to enjoy strolling around, communing with nature. Now, we have log sheets to record the number of steps we've taken, with charts and graphs showing improvement (or not) and pedometers and .... good Gawd it's all so effin' stressful now.

Yes, it's possible to micro-manage the hell out of a simple walk around the building.

Don't even suggest I walk in town. No lie, I can take Ozzy for a morning stroll through the streets of Frog Pond Holler and by the time I get back home, three well meaning old ladies have asked me if I'm trying to lose weight, at least one of the old men who sit perched on the Dead Pecker Wall (a term coined by Ma to describe the three or four old men who sit on the rock wall in town, keeping their noses firmly implanted in everyone's business) has asked me if I'm tryin to "ketch me one" and Old Crow has tried to run me over in his scooter chair.

So yeah, I'd like to find an inexpensive, gently used treadmill. Preferably one that will sit in the corner of my room and burn extra calories with little or no actual physical involvement.

In My Face:

This isn't really blog worthy, but I need to whine about my nose. Well.. not my actual nose, just the contents thereof. It's going from crunchy to Niagara at a moment's notice and I don't appreciate it. People close to me are pretty grossed out too. I didn't want ya'll to feel left out.

Around the Holler:

I haven't heard anything else about the church drama between the Methodist and Baptist congregations. I think I kinda gave the parties involved the impression that I wasn't really comfortable hearing about it. I mean.. if Susie feels moved to "run the pews" or is overcome by Spirit and feels she has to cry out.. it's not my place to pass judgement. On the other hand, if the good folks down at the Freewill Baptist Church feel uncomfortable with it, I can't tell them they're wrong.

I think I'll just stay home and let them work it out amongst themselves. Just between me and ya'll... maybe if a little more attention was paid to unconditional love, helping those in need and trying to do the right thing and a little less on keeping up appearances, the world would be a happier place.

I'm just sayin'.... you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?

Meanwhile, Back at the Trailer:

I still haven't done my in depth CSI style investigation of the back yard. I got home last night and just kinda zoned out. I do feel a little better today, other than the crunchy boogers.

Sammy the Boston Baked Beagle is still having skin issues. He has hair now (yay!) but the skin on his face is so dry that he's scratching the beejeebus out of it. He's got one eye that he's scratched around so much that it's swollen shut. He needs some kind of moisturizer or something. Do they make Oil Of Olay for dogs?

Seriously, I'm thinking about putting olive oil around his eye. Surely that wouldn't hurt anything.

Ma's been acting crazy crazier than usual lately. I honestly think that her mental state would improve dramatically if she and her sister didn't get on the phone and discuss the business of everyone in the holler and beyond. Oh and now that my trashy big boobed cousin with the lazy eye has moved back to town, it's only going to get worse. By ten o'clock last night, I was ready to pack my shit and move far, far away.

And Finally, Here at the Asylum:

I'm sort of happy to report that Bubbles has gone back to wearing her tight assed, camel toe inducing britches to work after two whole weeks of matronly, ankle-length skirts and ginormous clod hopping shoes. I'm not sure if this means her bacterial infestation is healed or if she just ran out of clean laundry.

Business is holding steady at mediocre. Our one big customer has cut back considerably on the amount they're ordering, causing us all a bit of worry, but for now, other business is making up for it. I've decided to stop obsessing over what needs to happen and just accept what does happen because in the end, worrying isn't going to change anything.

Anywho, that pretty much get's ya'll caught up on the latest in my little corner of the big blue marble.

Ya'll have an insanely happy weekend!

Later Taters!