David Blaine, Satan and Bubbles

I stopped at the dollar store on the way home for lunch yesterday. We were almost out of dog food and we needed a loaf of bread.. if I was going to fix any lunch. I didn't bother getting a cart, which meant I was standing in line with a big ass bag of kibble slung over my shoulder while Irene, Erlene and the cashier, Wanda got butt cheek deep in a discussion over David Blaine.

Irene dropped three bags of kitty litter on the counter as she said, "I seen him do things that sent chills up my spine. Lookey here.. it's a'givin' me the goose flesh just talkin' 'bout it!" She extended her tattooed arm, evidence of the life she had before she found Jesus and the imagined goose bumps she seemed to think were there.

"I think it's spirits does them things. That feller's in cahoots with them. He's a spiritual CAHOOTER!!!" Wanda added, her eyes growing great big as she clutched the crucifix at her neck.

The line had come to a screeching halt while the local ladies discussed David Blaine's spiritual connections. There was a tourist in front of me, the look in her eyes making it clear that she just wanted to pay for her box of Pop Secret and get the hell out of there.

She looked afraid.

Erlene began to add her opinion, a stern look of seriousness washing over her face, much like the look she gets as she preaches the evils of putting on short dresses and getting all liquored up when she's teaching her Sunday school class. "If you ask me, that feller is in alliance with the devil," she said. Irene and Wanda nodded in agreement. Erlene then looked around, scouring the front of the store before she continued in a loud whisper, "That look he has about him, neither black nor white, runnin' 'round shirtless, that sinful look of temptation in his eyes.." she paused for a second then continued, "I've often thought that he may indeed be the dark prince, Mephistopheles... the devil himself!"

Wanda and Irene both turned white as ghosts.

Me? I just wanted them to shut up and get a move on. My lunch break is only an hour long and hell.. that bag of dog food was getting heavier by the second.

And honestly.. who knew David Blaine conjured up such devilish sexual tension among the Sunday school clique? Personally, I think he's a hack.. but anywho..

I eventually did make it back to the Asylum to finish the work day. Around three o'clock, Bubbles began her daily cud chewing gum smacking. I had New Age Native American drum and flute music playing through buds at ear bleed levels, but I still couldn't drown her out. Imagine my absolute fecking glee when I over heard this exchange between her and Bossman:

Bubbles, sickeningly sweet asks: "Mr. Bossman, would you kindly come over here and sign my time card?"

Bossman, with his usual lack o' emotion: "Yeah, you sure it's right?"

Bubbles: "Oh yes sir! Well.. at least I don't think I lied about anything! HAHAHAHA! I'm such a liar.. HAHAHAHAHA! Oh My!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Bossman, signs the card and hands it back to Bubbles.. then adds, "You're sure chomping the hell out of that gum this afternoon, aren't ya?"

Bubbles was quiet for a second then says, "Thank you sir for your signature!!"

I tried not to laugh out loud, but I'm pretty sure a snort or two escaped my face.

It's amazing what little things can make your day, isn't it?

Ya'll have a great Friday.

Later Taters!