It's Lip Smackin' Good!

Lawsy. It's only mid-morning and I've already threatened to wrap chewing gum around Bubble's head and suffocate her with it.

Seriously? How does one mature grow to be her age and not learn to feckin' chew gum without smacking one's lips like a downtown street hooker?

(I mean no disrespect to any of my readers who may be practitioners of "the world's oldest profession." I know times are hard ya'll.)

Anyhooter.. so last night I decided to cook a package of chicken tenders, which are actually the squishy parts of the tattas.. I think.. but I'm not 100% positive. They were on sale for $1.98 a pound, so I got two packages.

A real deal, right?

Well.. I tossed them in the micronuker to thaw out, then began the process of separating the mystery chicken fleshy bits and tossing them in to the frying pan, which was lightly greased with some newfangled "healthy" oil, containing Omega somethings.. hell.. it was on sale and I had a coupon. It was cheap.

While positioning them in the pan, I noticed a strange, white doololly hanging off one of the pieces of meat. Upon closer examination, I determined it to be a large, veiny type thing. Maybe an artery. It was pretty substantial in size, when compared to the meat it was growing out of.

I fought the urge to heave.

Don't look at me like that. I know chicken meat comes from actual live, clucking, bug eating chickens. I know they're unkindly butchered in bulk and sent to the grocer's shelves so that we have food to eat.

Regardless of what Craig Ferguson thinks, I can assure you that I'm not a moron.

I just don't like to see the inner workings of the poor beast's circulatory system as I'm getting ready to ingest the previously mentioned mystery chicken bits.

I took my kitchen scissors and wrestled the offending piece of meat out of the frying pan and cut the white, vesselly bit off. It was then that I noticed that they all had a big hunk o' vein hanging out of them.

Oh. My. Gawd. The Ew.

I ended up having to perform minor surgery on every little piece of meat. I'm sorry but.. that's just nasty. Now I have another whole package of the same thing sitting in my freezer. I have a feeling it's going to be there a while.

Moving on...

Ya'll know I love you right? So I can say this without squishing anyone's feelings. Please, for the love of Pete, stop sending me your politically charged emails. I don't read them. I'm not interested in which candidate is the Anti-Christ nor do I give a flying squirrel's booty which farm animal is sporting Mary Kay Lipstick in Cherry Jubilee. I'm practicing my right as an American to finish out this election season with my head firmly planted under a rock until it is over... figuratively speaking of course. It would be hard to type if my actual head were stuck under an actual rock.

I do have political opinions, but I know ya'll come here for my sad attempts at comedy, the stories about my trashy, big-boobed cousin with the lazy eye and the numerous ways I'd like to use a spork to torture Bubbles, my cube neighbor. According to the latest polls, sharing my views isn't going to accomplish anything other than pissing off at least half of the general population, so around here, we're going to stick to business as usual.

Kay thanks.

Now then, I reckon I should get back to work and see if I can put a big ol' smile on Bossman's face with a huge sale. In case you were wondering, that will be the only way I'll try to make him smile.. gitcher mind out of the gutter.

Every tick of the clock, we're a tiny bit closer to the weekend. Ya'll hang in there.

Later Taters!

P.S. I almost forgot! Imagekind is having a sale. Save 20% on Custom Framing through September 23rd. Use Promo Code "FALL2008". You can have a Mahala original at a discount price, just in time for Christmas. (That was like.. the cheesiest attempt at self promotion I've done in a while. I should get an award or something.)