It's lunchtime here in the holler, but I'm not at home. Oh.. I went home for lunch and found my trashy-big-boobed-lazy-eyed cousin's youngin frolicking about the house with wild abandon. Ma had a huge hunk of frozen mooburger in the frying pan and a pot of water on to boil.
"I'm fixin' spaghetti. I couldn't find nothin' else to feed this youngin."
I went to the bathroom because, that's where I seem to spend most of my free time these days, for reasons I will graciously spare you all. I went back to the living room, sat by my computer and checked my email, etc. Ma sat in the kitchen, staring at me from the right and little Lazy Eye junior sat on the couch to my left.. also staring.
I wanted to scream, "ARE MY TITS HANGIN' OUT???" but I fought it.
I've developed a slight sense of self control over my mouth as I've gotten older... but only slight.
I was able to endure for about ten minutes before I slipped my shoes back on and headed for the truck. My patience for crazy has worn thin the past few days.
"Where are you going???" Ma asked, as if shocked that I wouldn't want to spend my lunch hour having holes bored into my very soul by two sets of baby blues. I made up some excuse about needing something from the store and left.
I am this close to running away from home.
I know it's the heat, the hormones, the lonely, the dreams.. it's everything all at once and it's driving me mad. Sometimes I look around at the trailer, the truck, the God forsaken shit hole of a town and I honest to goodness can not figure out how the hell it happened.
How did this become my life?
I mean.. I know how it happened, I was here for it all but sometimes.. I just take a step back and I look at it all and I just can't believe it's me.
*sigh*
And this too shall pass.
I suppose.
8 comments:
it will pass and you'll look at good stuff - a beautiful daughter, a Mom who loves ya (albeit in her own style) - a job when so many don't have one, a home when so many are losing theirs - and so on.
I say this because you impress me as a grateful person with a strong heart and soul.
it's the dailyness of life that can get ya!
just yesterday I had a meltdown and was screaming about "how the hell did I get trapped in this life" - and more of that with far more colorful language.
It passed. And on we go.
Hugs dear Mahala.
Been there, said that, and life goes on. Later in this next decade, you will remember it all with great fondness and pine for the good ole' days!!
Feeling for you, it was a real hellish Monday. Take care, DG
George, you know I feel for you. Most people don't get the trauma, but that's ok. At least you've got bushels and pecks of people who care about you and love you here on the innynets. Myself included. But not in *that* way. ;-)
Email me laters when you have a minute.
I go through something similar every now and again. I look around and think - this is NOT where I thought I'd be at this point in my life.
Then I take a nap because sleep cures all in my family. :)
It gets better as I'm sure you know. Just sucks to feel that way.
Who's George?
^George
Here's to brighter days ahead!
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